A week ago my mom told me that I was an accident, yes as you read an "accident", I was been thinking this since I was 12 year old; that I was the second biggest mistake of my mom and so for that the less loved one, gotta say, and also last year I was having a discussion with my brother, the "firstborn", and I told him that at least I wasn't the mistake why my mom married, and he replied with: "At least I ain't her second biggest mistake", it doesn't hurt me at the beginning because he make me realize I was right all this time, but then I become more depressed as this takes more sense and with what my mom told me last week with a big smile on her face, I feel like I lost all reasons to be living. Like two or three weeks ago we were watching some cyberbullying movies that were on the TV, "Cyberbully" a Canadian film, the main character fail at the attempt of suicide 'cause she couldn't open a bottle of pills, and the second movie we watch was "Trust", in this movie the main character also try to kill herself with some pills but she indeed take the pills and almost died if it wasn't for the best friend of the main character that alert her parents. Along this suicide attempts scenes my mom told me that I was her baby, and that she wouldn't like me to do such thing like try to kill myself, I haven't kill myself yet 'cause I have been always be afraid of how my mom will take it, she is one of the main reasons I haven't left this world, also I'm a chicken about trying a suicide attempt, gotta say not all chickens are cowards 
, but with what my mom just told me I kinda feel like she said to me on purpose 
, like trying to tell me she doesn't love me, 'cause we where going to adopt a dog this same week and she told me that she like dogs but she didn't want one, and I take this like she was trying to tell me that if it wasn't for me she wouldn't have another baby after my brother, now that I remember she has also said it to my face so this just supports the idea. I have always felt like the second and less loved son of my mother, gotta say that doing something wrong the first time it's okay but doing the same mistake a second time is a paint in the as*, that's how I think I am to my mother a big pain in the as*, one time she tell me that my father try to convince her of an abortion when she told him that she was pregnant with my brother and that she consider it for a while, but that she didn't want to abort, I have an unknown reason until now, but I think that if she haven't told to my father that she was pregnant again she for sure may try to take an abortion, also when she was pregnant with me my father start cheating her so I think that also why she hate me, I was the cause why everything falls apart on my family, I should have never born, but this wasn't my problem, was her problem, having a baby it's not an accident and less if you are having sexual interaction with you partner and become pregnant, if you don't want to reproduce why don't she make that my father take the vasectomy after they have my brother, they have save me time and this horrible life, and also money and problems to them.
, but with what my mom just told me I kinda feel like she said to me on purpose , like trying to tell me she doesn't love me, 'cause we where going to adopt a dog this same week and she told me that she like dogs but she didn't want one, and I take this like she was trying to tell me that if it wasn't for me she wouldn't have another baby after my brother, now that I remember she has also said it to my face so this just supports the idea. I have always felt like the second and less loved son of my mother, gotta say that doing something wrong the first time it's okay but doing the same mistake a second time is a paint in the as*, that's how I think I am to my mother a big pain in the as*, one time she tell me that my father try to convince her of an abortion when she told him that she was pregnant with my brother and that she consider it for a while, but that she didn't want to abort, I have an unknown reason until now, but I think that if she haven't told to my father that she was pregnant again she for sure may try to take an abortion, also when she was pregnant with me my father start cheating her so I think that also why she hate me, I was the cause why everything falls apart on my family, I should have never born, but this wasn't my problem, was her problem, having a baby it's not an accident and less if you are having sexual interaction with you partner and become pregnant, if you don't want to reproduce why don't she make that my father take the vasectomy after they have my brother, they have save me time and this horrible life, and also money and problems to them.
