Once more autism is in the news and not in a positive way. I haven't seen the Facebook post that started the controversy nor do I intend to. But the situation as I understand it is that the manager of a local spa yelled at a 2 1/2 year old autistic child who was having a meltdown over getting a haircut. Another customer witnessed the incident, posted it on FB and it has quickly gone viral. Now it has blown up way out of proportion with all parties pointing fingers at each other.
Now, I wasn't there, don't know the manager of the salon, don't know exactly how badly the boy was acting, but I do know this: I am sick and tired of hearing "autism" and "bad behavior" mentioned in the same breath. I think ALL parties are to blame in this incident.
First of all, the spa manager. Apparently she has a reputation for being rude and snooty. It is my impression that we are talking about a rather pricey establishment, not Budget Hairstyles. This doesn't justify her yelling at the little boy, but just to make clear just what kind of place we are dealing with. It is not a place I would want to take a 2 year old, autistic or not. Quite frankly, there are some places little kids simply don't belong and it sounds like this is one of them. As was pointed out by several commenters, people spend good money going to these places so they can relax and be pampered and the last thing they want is to have to see and hear a meltdown in progress. And I can't say I blame them there. It also appears that this was not the first time this particular child has caused a problem there.
Which brings us to the mother. As an autistic person myself, I do not appreciate it when a parent trots out the autism label to explain their child's misbehavior, and I hear it a lot. As if everyone is supposed to express sympathy and say oh, that's all right, we understand, what trials you must be going through. I was no angel and I put my parents through a lot, but they never once tried to gain sympathy in that manner. But that was back in the day when there was a real stigma connected with mental/emotional/developmental disorders. That was NOT something you announced to the world, believe me.
"But we need to raise awareness of autism." Yes, and when you tell everyone around that the reason your kid is acting up is because he or she is autistic, you are doing a damn good job of it. Especially when you do it in front of your kid. Parents, the next time you are tempted to do this, stop and think. Would you want yourself to be publicly labeled in such a way? If autism=bad behavior/meltdowns, then why should ANYONE want to give an autistic person a chance? Why hire us? We're liabilities!!! Hey, all kids act up from time to time, that is what kids do. And until you called attention to it, the rest of us might not have made the connection that your kid is acting that way because of autism. But now you have. Well, thanks a lot. We don't need or want that kind of awareness.
Back in the Dark Ages when I was growing up there was a dentist who was very popular among parents because he was cheap. And the reason he was cheap was that he did not believe in using novocaine to fill small cavities. My parents took me to him because back then they did not know any better. There wasn't the awareness that there is today. And they made it very clear that if I acted up in Dr. Fuller's office then there would be a spanking when I got home. So I didn't, not even when he drilled into a nerve. That is asking a lot of any child, especially an autistic one, but that's the way things were then. Nowadays, there are dentists who specialize in "sedation dentistry" so that going to the dentist need not be a traumatic experience. It seems to me that there is a need for places that are sensitive to the needs of our growing autistic population. Maybe someone could open a hair salon just for autistic kids.
But in the meantime, please stop calling attention to our bad behavior as if that is the only thing we do.
Now, I wasn't there, don't know the manager of the salon, don't know exactly how badly the boy was acting, but I do know this: I am sick and tired of hearing "autism" and "bad behavior" mentioned in the same breath. I think ALL parties are to blame in this incident.
First of all, the spa manager. Apparently she has a reputation for being rude and snooty. It is my impression that we are talking about a rather pricey establishment, not Budget Hairstyles. This doesn't justify her yelling at the little boy, but just to make clear just what kind of place we are dealing with. It is not a place I would want to take a 2 year old, autistic or not. Quite frankly, there are some places little kids simply don't belong and it sounds like this is one of them. As was pointed out by several commenters, people spend good money going to these places so they can relax and be pampered and the last thing they want is to have to see and hear a meltdown in progress. And I can't say I blame them there. It also appears that this was not the first time this particular child has caused a problem there.
Which brings us to the mother. As an autistic person myself, I do not appreciate it when a parent trots out the autism label to explain their child's misbehavior, and I hear it a lot. As if everyone is supposed to express sympathy and say oh, that's all right, we understand, what trials you must be going through. I was no angel and I put my parents through a lot, but they never once tried to gain sympathy in that manner. But that was back in the day when there was a real stigma connected with mental/emotional/developmental disorders. That was NOT something you announced to the world, believe me.
"But we need to raise awareness of autism." Yes, and when you tell everyone around that the reason your kid is acting up is because he or she is autistic, you are doing a damn good job of it. Especially when you do it in front of your kid. Parents, the next time you are tempted to do this, stop and think. Would you want yourself to be publicly labeled in such a way? If autism=bad behavior/meltdowns, then why should ANYONE want to give an autistic person a chance? Why hire us? We're liabilities!!! Hey, all kids act up from time to time, that is what kids do. And until you called attention to it, the rest of us might not have made the connection that your kid is acting that way because of autism. But now you have. Well, thanks a lot. We don't need or want that kind of awareness.
Back in the Dark Ages when I was growing up there was a dentist who was very popular among parents because he was cheap. And the reason he was cheap was that he did not believe in using novocaine to fill small cavities. My parents took me to him because back then they did not know any better. There wasn't the awareness that there is today. And they made it very clear that if I acted up in Dr. Fuller's office then there would be a spanking when I got home. So I didn't, not even when he drilled into a nerve. That is asking a lot of any child, especially an autistic one, but that's the way things were then. Nowadays, there are dentists who specialize in "sedation dentistry" so that going to the dentist need not be a traumatic experience. It seems to me that there is a need for places that are sensitive to the needs of our growing autistic population. Maybe someone could open a hair salon just for autistic kids.
But in the meantime, please stop calling attention to our bad behavior as if that is the only thing we do.
