weight

Sometimes, I'm so overwhelmed that I shut down. The words don't want to come, and everything feels overstimulating, and all I feel like I can do is space out. No thoughts really. Not much feelings either, or so it would seem to an outsider. Really though, it's like the volume is turned to a deafening roar inside my head, and I lie still to try to let myself settle underneath it. It's like that time when I fell off an inner tube while floating on the river. I flopped off backwards on a mini rapid, and the rush of the water pushed me onto my back on the bottom of the river with the water rushing by overhead. That feeling of being held down under the heavy weight of the rushing water is very similar to how I feel now, and a part of me actually wants to stay there and not fight it, because the weight is so heavy, and I don't know if I have the strength to get out from under it.