What do bullies look for? After observing the species in action for many decades, I think that I can identify some of the main things that they look for. Now, some types of bullying have had to go underground. For example, in many places it is now very risky to openly bully someone based upon race, ethnic group, or religion so a bully intent on picking on someone for those reasons has to be very careful lest their bullying backfire. Many companies, including my own, have policies regarding "hostile work environment" situations, because they have learned that to ignore these situations brings the unwelcome threat of lawsuits. So bullies have learned to be more clever.
I would say that the number one things bullies look for is Appearance. I can walk into a room and size it up and tell you who is most likely to be bully bait just by the way they look. I used to be very careless with my appearance; not any longer. You don't have to wear the latest styles, but your clothes do have to be neat, clean, and not stand out too much. Fashion is really tricky and there are some things I don't wear because they are borderline. Capris for example. Sometimes they are in fashion; other times if you wear them you run the risk of being teased for wearing "high waters." So I just take note of these things and stick to things that are tried and true.
It goes without saying that without exception your hair must be combed and an appropriate style. I know someone who has long hair; it's beautiful but fifteen minutes after she combs it it looks straggly and unkempt. This is someone with an obvious physical handicap so she already has a strike against her. I have suggested perhaps getting a shorter haircut, but no, she likes it long. Ok, but she needs to consider that perhaps the image she is projecting is not consistent with her goals in life.
If you are a woman and you have facial hair (I do), it needs to be removed on a regular basis. I go and get mine waxed at least once every other week or whenever I see a five o'clock shadow start forming. Yes, it costs, but I have learned that shaving just won't do the job. Not taking care of something like that announces to the world that you belong with the legions of mentally ill on the sidelines. Yes, I am being a bit harsh here, but like I said, I've learned the hard way. If you want to flout convention, at least know why you are doing it and what the price for doing so is.
No one is ever going to say that that appearance was the reason you didn't get the job, but trust me, when you are being interviewed, interviewers take notice of such things. Human resource departments don't want friction among employees and they are evaluating whether you will fit in or whether they will have to deal with a "hostile work environment" complaint down the road because you are being harassed. I understand that in some countries like Australia it is even harder to fire workers than in the United States so that Australian employers tend to be even more choosy.
Another thing bullies look for is behaviors that indicate a person does not know the rules. This varies from social setting to social setting. When I was growing up there were no guides to unwritten social behavior; autistic people were on their own. Take time to learn what is the norm for your culture.
In fact, I would say--and this is heresy, I know--that if you had to choose between character and appearance, go for appearance every time. Charm can cover a multitude of sins.
I would say that the number one things bullies look for is Appearance. I can walk into a room and size it up and tell you who is most likely to be bully bait just by the way they look. I used to be very careless with my appearance; not any longer. You don't have to wear the latest styles, but your clothes do have to be neat, clean, and not stand out too much. Fashion is really tricky and there are some things I don't wear because they are borderline. Capris for example. Sometimes they are in fashion; other times if you wear them you run the risk of being teased for wearing "high waters." So I just take note of these things and stick to things that are tried and true.
It goes without saying that without exception your hair must be combed and an appropriate style. I know someone who has long hair; it's beautiful but fifteen minutes after she combs it it looks straggly and unkempt. This is someone with an obvious physical handicap so she already has a strike against her. I have suggested perhaps getting a shorter haircut, but no, she likes it long. Ok, but she needs to consider that perhaps the image she is projecting is not consistent with her goals in life.
If you are a woman and you have facial hair (I do), it needs to be removed on a regular basis. I go and get mine waxed at least once every other week or whenever I see a five o'clock shadow start forming. Yes, it costs, but I have learned that shaving just won't do the job. Not taking care of something like that announces to the world that you belong with the legions of mentally ill on the sidelines. Yes, I am being a bit harsh here, but like I said, I've learned the hard way. If you want to flout convention, at least know why you are doing it and what the price for doing so is.
No one is ever going to say that that appearance was the reason you didn't get the job, but trust me, when you are being interviewed, interviewers take notice of such things. Human resource departments don't want friction among employees and they are evaluating whether you will fit in or whether they will have to deal with a "hostile work environment" complaint down the road because you are being harassed. I understand that in some countries like Australia it is even harder to fire workers than in the United States so that Australian employers tend to be even more choosy.
Another thing bullies look for is behaviors that indicate a person does not know the rules. This varies from social setting to social setting. When I was growing up there were no guides to unwritten social behavior; autistic people were on their own. Take time to learn what is the norm for your culture.
In fact, I would say--and this is heresy, I know--that if you had to choose between character and appearance, go for appearance every time. Charm can cover a multitude of sins.
