I've got like 20 healing and/or mostly healed cuts from the past 2 weeks that are visible when I wear short sleeves, and yesterday I was like 'who cares' and wore short sleeves at work. It was in the mid to upper 70's yesterday here in Texas so that's why. This was the second day I've dared to show them but the first full day I've shown them and it went well. Nobody said anything about them, customers or coworkers or supervisors. I can tell they noticed, but nobody said anything. I was scared that I'd get dirty looks or insults or something like that. Sometimes I think they're actually being nice to me but it could be that I'm simply paying extra attention to their reactions.
Only the supervisor I'm intimidated by - and honestly scared of - hasn't seen them. I feel like that towards her cause she reminds me of my mom. If my mom were to see then I'd get kicked out so I have to be careful how I dress at home, but they're easy to hide cause they're all above the elbow. It'll really wreck my day if she says anything negative though. Even something like asking me to wear my jacket over them. I could either ignore it and obey and feel terrible about myself and go on this whole mental tangent and more than likely add more later after work....or I could speak my mind and tell her my thoughts and continue showing them anyways but then feel incredibly upset about how I got mad, cause I'm not supposed to get mad, I'm always supposed to just know the 'right' way to phrase everything and feel content/calm always. The whole I'm not good enough if I'm not perfect thing, and expressing anything negative was never allowed growing up - by us kids anyways, mom could yell scream criticize demean and insult all she wanted. *sigh* I'm just hoping she's got enough sense to use her strict and professional attitude to not say anything about them. She hasn't even been saying hello to me. She sees me several yards away when I get there, if she's there that day, and gives me an order and I'm off. Just like at home, just like my mom - not even a hello to be had. But that hurts too. The others are all polite enough to greet me.
Only the supervisor I'm intimidated by - and honestly scared of - hasn't seen them. I feel like that towards her cause she reminds me of my mom. If my mom were to see then I'd get kicked out so I have to be careful how I dress at home, but they're easy to hide cause they're all above the elbow. It'll really wreck my day if she says anything negative though. Even something like asking me to wear my jacket over them. I could either ignore it and obey and feel terrible about myself and go on this whole mental tangent and more than likely add more later after work....or I could speak my mind and tell her my thoughts and continue showing them anyways but then feel incredibly upset about how I got mad, cause I'm not supposed to get mad, I'm always supposed to just know the 'right' way to phrase everything and feel content/calm always. The whole I'm not good enough if I'm not perfect thing, and expressing anything negative was never allowed growing up - by us kids anyways, mom could yell scream criticize demean and insult all she wanted. *sigh* I'm just hoping she's got enough sense to use her strict and professional attitude to not say anything about them. She hasn't even been saying hello to me. She sees me several yards away when I get there, if she's there that day, and gives me an order and I'm off. Just like at home, just like my mom - not even a hello to be had. But that hurts too. The others are all polite enough to greet me.
