Hey, guy, haven't heard from you in a while. Hope everything's okay.
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What superhero should you always get your news from? The Credible Hulk!
What did the famous composer Beethoven do after he died? He de-composed!
Where do you find crocodiles who refuse to acknowledge their problems? You find them living in de Nile!
I was once accused of being indolent. I was unsure whether or not to be offended, because I was too lazy to look up the word "indolent".
My chronic back pain has me stuck in my chair right now, which sucks because I really need to pee
time to get creative I guess.
What kind of pigs actually can fly? Ham hawks!
(I'm serious about this) I always schedule my dentist appointments at 2:30 so I never forget. Get it? Tooth-hurty! God I miss Robin Williams
You're getting cornier by the minute Gritches, xD! You're almost as bad as my sister who's the queen of puns.
I have a tremor: what that means is that I ALWAYS shake well before opening
What's the opposite of a hot dog stand? A hot dog sit.
Lots of vacation homes in my area. It makes me sad to know so many people have two or more houses when so many others don't even have one.
I have this old gold chain that I have no use for...so I decided to put it on my keyring like a lanyard. Get it? It's a KEY chain. Ho ho!
Just passed a kidney stone. Am I...am I stronger than ever now?
Is that tobacco or collards behind the dog Gritches?
What? I'm out of Ibuprofen? No sir/no ma'am, Gritches does not run out of Ibuprofen; Ibuprofen runs out of Gritches.
I love wearing a suit and tie. People seem to remember their manners real quick when they see someone in a suit.
What did the banker say when he denied the clown's request for startup capital? He said "no funny business!"
I'm not taking my sneakers off; I am Sneakers O'Toole.
What did the stem cell researcher's boss tell her subordinate? She told him to "grow a spine". Ho ho! -
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