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bbc-bananasplit
i am an expert in the psychology of personality disorders for i have had all of them, for i could not be what i am but had to be which i am not. i feel with those who suffer, i will protect them from those who make them suffer
me: architect / designer in all media / gamedesigner / 3D.artist / artist in all media / writer / poet / philosopher / psychologist / scientist / observer / explorer / adventurer / analyst / theorist / good-hearted rationalist / hero of my life / fighter against injustice and discrimination and many more // i survive the hardship of my life in striving to be better than those you have caused my hardship
besides that: shy / naive / sad / lonely / traumatized / insecure on the inside, overly secure on the outside / beaten up and abandoned / slightly narcissistic [before myself only for beeing self-disliking and unloved] / highly intelligent and gifted / unsucessful in every way / mad-man and maniac / adhd / restless / hungry for more / knowledge-addict / in flow-state or hyperfocus 24/7 / survivor of life / post traumatic stress disorder [for being lost and suffering undiagnosed adhd+asperger in the realm of the humanoid 24 of my 25 years + other unhealthy influences]
I am as poor as a church mouse that's just had an enourmous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese
[blackadder / rowan atkinson [both asperger]
I am invincible !
[boris / james bond goldeneye]
I am imprisoned in a dream of narcissistic grandiosity, i am king of my dream realm of solitude. but who, I ask, shall be my worthy successor once i wake up? i can think of none but one: god.
[me]
in many cases many things are not one but many in many ways
[me]
I am the universe I am in. I am a self within its-self. I am without boundary. I extend infinitely into space.
[me]
why earn money. it does not earn you anything but the trouble of earning it
[me]
I came from nowhere, I am going nowhere. yet, I have been everywhere
[me]
i have shown many faces yet i have never shown my own
[me]
when I was a small child I used to dream that one day, I would become human. I have dreamt so ever since; I dreamt for 25 years, waiting to be awaken from my slumber; waiting to be born. one day, I thought, one day I will tear down these thick walls of my mind-prison; one day I shall explode into being. recently, I did. I am numb with awe.
[me]
I strived to find what holds the world together in its innermost self. an awnser, yet not the only one, is information for information is no-thing, yet it exists in-things. second to that I strived to find what holds me together in its innermost self. an awnser, yet not the only, is will for will is no-thing, yet it is every-thing.
[me]
there has been much hatred in my heart for the pain of my life. i have not lived yet, but i have lived many lives still. yet, i will not do unto others which has been done unto me, for it is only in this way that the chain may be broken. i will be to them the example of that which they ought to have been. it is by this that i rightfully proclaim myself hero of my life, for since i was child i had a dream that one day i would become the human i have now become
[me]
there is a secret to all interhuman doing, not-doing, talking and being - aspergian or neurotypician alike. always, there is you - the ego of your self - and there is the other, who is an ego of its self. now, the secret is this: it is, that one finds one's self not within oneself but within the other; for if I despise my self - be it concsiouss or unconcsiouss - I will be paranoid, no matter how much I am loved; for if I love my self - be it consciouss or unconcsiouss - I will feel loved, not matter how much I am not loved.[me]
i have never learnt to be, nor have i learnt to value myself. i could not stand my own teenage image in the mirror; i felt disgust and would turn away qickly. cold empty eyes stared back at me and shame flared up like burning iron in my head. i hated this image. it was me. but then it was not. it was a mere shadow of me, of one who lived among dead things. my soul was ripped to pieces and lost, never to be found again. there was no love for myself and no pity, for love i could not feel under the weight of toxic shame and self-hatred. it was there in this mirror the very antithesis of what i strived to become. i strived to break the curse, to destroy the false self which suffocated me. i longed to become my own creator - to regain power over my self which was shatterd and forced to surrender. no other human but me should ever again touch my soul, no one but me should ever again rule my tortured feelings. the pain i felt and the evil powered will i possessed made me become my own god and my god's own worshipper. my narcissitic masterpiece, infinitely powerful in closed cicuit self-contained admiration - the invincible self-system for survival. or so i thought. i did not know then, that i had made a devilish mistake.[me]
me: architect / designer in all media / gamedesigner / 3D.artist / artist in all media / writer / poet / philosopher / psychologist / scientist / observer / explorer / adventurer / analyst / theorist / good-hearted rationalist / hero of my life / fighter against injustice and discrimination and many more // i survive the hardship of my life in striving to be better than those you have caused my hardship
besides that: shy / naive / sad / lonely / traumatized / insecure on the inside, overly secure on the outside / beaten up and abandoned / slightly narcissistic [before myself only for beeing self-disliking and unloved] / highly intelligent and gifted / unsucessful in every way / mad-man and maniac / adhd / restless / hungry for more / knowledge-addict / in flow-state or hyperfocus 24/7 / survivor of life / post traumatic stress disorder [for being lost and suffering undiagnosed adhd+asperger in the realm of the humanoid 24 of my 25 years + other unhealthy influences]
I am as poor as a church mouse that's just had an enourmous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese
[blackadder / rowan atkinson [both asperger]
I am invincible !
[boris / james bond goldeneye]
I am imprisoned in a dream of narcissistic grandiosity, i am king of my dream realm of solitude. but who, I ask, shall be my worthy successor once i wake up? i can think of none but one: god.
[me]
in many cases many things are not one but many in many ways
[me]
I am the universe I am in. I am a self within its-self. I am without boundary. I extend infinitely into space.
[me]
why earn money. it does not earn you anything but the trouble of earning it
[me]
I came from nowhere, I am going nowhere. yet, I have been everywhere
[me]
i have shown many faces yet i have never shown my own
[me]
when I was a small child I used to dream that one day, I would become human. I have dreamt so ever since; I dreamt for 25 years, waiting to be awaken from my slumber; waiting to be born. one day, I thought, one day I will tear down these thick walls of my mind-prison; one day I shall explode into being. recently, I did. I am numb with awe.
[me]
I strived to find what holds the world together in its innermost self. an awnser, yet not the only one, is information for information is no-thing, yet it exists in-things. second to that I strived to find what holds me together in its innermost self. an awnser, yet not the only, is will for will is no-thing, yet it is every-thing.
[me]
there has been much hatred in my heart for the pain of my life. i have not lived yet, but i have lived many lives still. yet, i will not do unto others which has been done unto me, for it is only in this way that the chain may be broken. i will be to them the example of that which they ought to have been. it is by this that i rightfully proclaim myself hero of my life, for since i was child i had a dream that one day i would become the human i have now become
[me]
there is a secret to all interhuman doing, not-doing, talking and being - aspergian or neurotypician alike. always, there is you - the ego of your self - and there is the other, who is an ego of its self. now, the secret is this: it is, that one finds one's self not within oneself but within the other; for if I despise my self - be it concsiouss or unconcsiouss - I will be paranoid, no matter how much I am loved; for if I love my self - be it consciouss or unconcsiouss - I will feel loved, not matter how much I am not loved.[me]
i have never learnt to be, nor have i learnt to value myself. i could not stand my own teenage image in the mirror; i felt disgust and would turn away qickly. cold empty eyes stared back at me and shame flared up like burning iron in my head. i hated this image. it was me. but then it was not. it was a mere shadow of me, of one who lived among dead things. my soul was ripped to pieces and lost, never to be found again. there was no love for myself and no pity, for love i could not feel under the weight of toxic shame and self-hatred. it was there in this mirror the very antithesis of what i strived to become. i strived to break the curse, to destroy the false self which suffocated me. i longed to become my own creator - to regain power over my self which was shatterd and forced to surrender. no other human but me should ever again touch my soul, no one but me should ever again rule my tortured feelings. the pain i felt and the evil powered will i possessed made me become my own god and my god's own worshipper. my narcissitic masterpiece, infinitely powerful in closed cicuit self-contained admiration - the invincible self-system for survival. or so i thought. i did not know then, that i had made a devilish mistake.[me]
- Birthday
- Jun 29, 1991 (Age: 33)
- Location
- frankfurt am main / ffm // germany
- Diagnosis Status
- Aspergers Syndrome - Officially Diagnosed
- Gender
- Male
- Enable Politics Forum
- Enable
- Occupation
- architect / and many other things
Signature
incoherently coherent and selflessly selfish
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