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Between crazy criminals, my father's 6 month Yahrtzeit, 9/11, and the two doctor's visits this week, I am very nervous. Wide awake. Unable to sleep. Weaving on my inkle loom, for comfort. Trying to even figure out what I'm thinking or feeling. Writing it through my hands on yarn as the shuttle passes through the warp.
I miss my father so much today. My daughter is all broken up too. So I'm faking positivity on the outside, trying to keep us distracted. It hurts though, like a knife into my heart.
I have a friend right now, that I miss a lot. I don't know what's going on. But I know they are very strong and capable. But still, I'm a little sad. And I can't help worrying.
Doing so much better today. Still a little sore, but otc meds and bedrest have helped immensely.
Needed urgent dr visit. Hard time getting ready. Got there. Receptionist mistakenly scheduled for next week. I cried a little but tried to hold it in. Left. Went to ER. Metal detector at the door. I had two big knives in my purse and didn't want them taken away. So I left and cried again. Went to the store. Got medicine, and food. Had to put back most stuff at the register. Home in bed now. Tomorrow is a new day.
I hurt my hip earlier and messed up my wheelchair a little in the crash. Not as bad as it sounds. But I got chided by the apartment manager for being too loud when I cried out. Came home and had a big embarrassed, ashamed cry. Felt like a burden to everyone. Kinda stiff now, weak. But I will feel better soon. It's not as bad as it sounds.
Got close to a baby redhawk and an old woman nursing it. Still had his nest feathers. Couldn't fly. Once in a lifetime event. The baby was calling out for mama with that shrill hawk scream that cuts to the soul.
Inside my soul
Significant pain today. Small. Lonesome. Remembering.
It's always so hard when I go nonverbal in public. I was straining so hard inside my mind to tell my daughter something. But the words just wouldn't come. I wish I knew ASL. Happy thing today- I got to see sailboats on a glittering river, with a glacier-capped peak in the distance.
dizzy, in pain, crying, sick. and i am having totally unrelated minor surgery in about an hour and a half. i feel so faint and my stomach hurts so much. it's nothing new. all I can do is cry. the surgery is a good thing though. but it's kind of like the straw that broke the camel's back. i feel very afraid, and I am in great pain.
Everyone pray! We saw a girl all drugged and passed out getting human trafficked.
Carried limp body from one car to the next with skimpy dressed girls in the back.
<3 Attachment Parenting <3
I like to keep everything in life very soft, kind, and gentle.
Nonverbal when I need to say things out loud. Bad stutter when I try to force the words out. Big things I have to do, and I can't seem to do it right.
crying
I miss my Dad.
It's a hard night. Lots of tears. -
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