What are you like after a day of socialising?

Today I've been at a social event practically all day, meeting a lot of people I didn't know, and talking to others and hugging and smiling - which all feels natural, as I love being approachable and friendly to people even though I can be a little shy...but at the same time having the same social desires as everyone else. Yes, it's a complicated combination.

Anyway, when I got home (at about 8pm) I phoned my two aunties to chat about how my day went, then I begged my husband to come to bed at the same time as me so that we can chat about our day (we didn't really talk to each other much today because we were too busy talking to others, as there was a lot of people and a lot going on).
But he wanted to wind down by watching TV, so I went to bed to warm up.

But I'm full of energy and have been socialising online ever since I got into bed (on here, Facebook and email). My husband finally came to bed and we chatted about the day and all the people we'd met and spoken to, until he dozed off. So now I'm left wide awake still full of energy.

It seems that socialising doesn't drain me like it should an Aspie. I don't feel a need to stim or anything. Is anyone the same, or am I misdiagnosed? I know all Aspies are different but I just can't relate to all this masking and social exhaustion and all that. Maybe I masked today, because we were at a formal event so I had to act serious and not be my hyper, goofy self. But I think everyone has to mask to an extent to fit in to their environment?

Misty Avich said:

Today I've been at a social event practically all day, meeting a lot of people I didn't know, and talking to others and hugging and smiling - which all feels natural, as I love being approachable and friendly to people even though I can be a little shy...but at the same time having the same social desires as everyone else. Yes, it's a complicated combination.

Anyway, when I got home (at about 8pm) I phoned my two aunties to chat about how my day went, then I begged my husband to come to bed at the same time as me so that we can chat about our day (we didn't really talk to each other much today because we were too busy talking to others, as there was a lot of people and a lot going on).
But he wanted to wind down by watching TV, so I went to bed to warm up.

But I'm full of energy and have been socialising online ever since I got into bed (on here, Facebook and email). My husband finally came to bed and we chatted about the day and all the people we'd met and spoken to, until he dozed off. So now I'm left wide awake still full of energy.

It seems that socialising doesn't drain me like it should an Aspie. I don't feel a need to stim or anything. Is anyone the same, or am I misdiagnosed? I know all Aspies are different but I just can't relate to all this masking and social exhaustion and all that. Maybe I masked today, because we were at a formal event so I had to act serious and not be my hyper, goofy self. But I think everyone has to mask to an extent to fit in to their environment?

Click to expand...

Getting to talk to people seems to cause me to gain energy rather than being drained by it myself. I do however have stims like pacing, rocking side to side, bouncing my leg, ect. Gaining energy often makes these stims more pronounced.

Also, while I love to chatter when I get a chance, I don't really like hugs and such much. I'm the type of person who tends to flinch away if someone touches me at all.

Misty Avich said:

It seems that socialising doesn't drain me like it should an Aspie. I don't feel a need to stim or anything. Is anyone the same, or am I misdiagnosed? I know all Aspies are different but I just can't relate to all this masking and social exhaustion and all that. Maybe I masked today, because we were at a formal event so I had to act serious and not be my hyper, goofy self. But I think everyone has to mask to an extent to fit in to their environment?

Click to expand...

Consider how some Aspies are also highly extroverted. They fascinate me, as while I share some traits and behaviors with them, when it comes to socialization they almost seem like they are neurotypical. They almost seem like a contradiction, but they really aren't.

I don't hear it very often these days, but some years back I can still recall how on occasion someone would point out a simple reality for us. "That if you've seen one Aspie, you've seen one Aspie".

And while may share some, but not all traits and behaviors, we can also differ in terms of the intensity of them. Where some may exhibit them in a more mild fashion, while others make themselves stand out. And just as you point out, in my own case socialization with masking can be exhausting. Though while I have two stims, I don't often do them, and when I do it happens involuntarily. In essence, I suspect few of us as autistic persons can be defined as such in a "cookie-cutter" fashion. Though I like to think that usually some 12 hours later I recover from such a loss of emotional energy over most social events. Whether they go well for me in real time or not.

I agree though, anyone is capable of masking themselves, and for various reasons. Something not confined to neurodiverse persons. For some it's an occupational necessity, having nothing to do with one's inherent thought process.

Judge said:

Consider how some Aspies are also highly extroverted. They fascinate me, as while I share some traits and behaviors with them, when it comes to socialization they almost seem like they are neurotypical. They almost seem like a contradiction, but they really aren't.

Click to expand...

I think the socialization often looks much different than neurotypical socialization. Neurotypical extroverts usually seem to be more into parties, sports, and such. My extroversion is more like enthusiastic chatter about some newly learned fact, idea for an experiment, sighting of a new bird or insect, ect. while tripping over the table and chair legs because you're too excited about the topic to notice them even though you were able to be so extremely careful with the equipment you were using earlier in the day when you were alone in your room.

FayetheAspie said:

I think the socialization often looks much different than neurotypical socialization. Neurotypical extroverts usually seem to be more into parties, sports, and such. My extroversion is more like enthusiastic chatter about some newly learned fact, idea for an experiment, sighting of a new bird or insect, ect. while tripping over the table and chair legs because you're too excited about the topic to notice them even though you were able to be so extremely careful with the equipment you were using earlier in the day when you were alone in your room.

Click to expand...

I can't relate to that either. At social events I don't talk about an interest of mine, as I don't have special interests nor exceptional knowledge about facts. I'm more interested in the people and how they're feeling and what they've been up to, etc. Just general chitchat and smalltalk. I'm not exactly loud or anything, but I'm still engaging. I've been having trouble with my hearing lately (due to overuse of earplugs at home because of those noisy neighbours of mine) so that makes it harder for me to hear people unless they're right next to me. I think the most socially awkward I can be is awkward silences and not always knowing what to say if I'm stood next to someone I should be talking to but neither of us are talking. But I usually just ask how they are, and if they respond but don't carry on the conversation then I just finish it too. But it still feels awkward.

I embarrassed myself when I was pushing my (non-biological) grandson in his pram in the carpark (parking lot). I became distracted and looked behind me to say something to my husband and others behind me but I heard my husband and someone else yell "mind the car!" A car was coming, but only very slowly as it was a carpark, so there wouldn't have been an accident. But because I was pushing a baby in a pram it looked like I was careless and could potentially put the baby in danger or something. So I worried about what the mother of the baby thought. Hopefully she knew the car was going very slow and so nothing bad would have happened.

FayetheAspie said:

I think the socialization often looks much different than neurotypical socialization. Neurotypical extroverts usually seem to be more into parties, sports, and such. My extroversion is more like enthusiastic chatter about some newly learned fact, idea for an experiment, sighting of a new bird or insect, ect. while tripping over the table and chair legs because you're too excited about the topic to notice them even though you were able to be so extremely careful with the equipment you were using earlier in the day when you were alone in your room.

Click to expand...

Frankly I'd consider your brand of extroversion to reflect much more of an exception compared to other ND persons I'd have considered to be extroverts. Those with a constant and even intense desire to be with groups of people as well as successfully interact with some, but not all of them. You just don't project that same "vibe", IMO. Though I think I understand the context you put forth in terms of your own style of extroversion.

Tbh I'm totally worn out after a day of socialising,I just want to sit and be quiet or listen to music with headphones on.i just don't like too much peopling

I’m an introvert though and through, so while I enjoy being with people, my social battery is completely drained after a lot of socializing. Especially if it’s a big gathering.

Hit the shower and then it's straight to bed, even if it's only 6 or 7 PM.

FayetheAspie said:

Getting to talk to people seems to cause me to gain energy rather than being drained by it myself. I do however have stims like pacing, rocking side to side, bouncing my leg, ect. Gaining energy often makes these stims more pronounced.

Click to expand...

FayetheAspie said:

Also, while I love to chatter when I get a chance, I don't really like hugs and such much. I'm the type of person who tends to flinch away if someone touches me at all.

Click to expand...

FayetheAspie said:

I think the socialization often looks much different than neurotypical socialization. Neurotypical extroverts usually seem to be more into parties, sports, and such. My extroversion is more like enthusiastic chatter about some newly learned fact, idea for an experiment, sighting of a new bird or insect, ect. while tripping over the table and chair legs because you're too excited about the topic to notice them even though you were able to be so extremely careful with the equipment you were using earlier in the day when you were alone in your room.

Click to expand...

Judge said:

Frankly I'd consider your brand of extroversion to reflect much more of an exception compared to other ND persons I'd have considered to be extroverts. Those with a constant and even intense desire to be with groups of people as well as successfully interact with some, but not all of them. You just don't project that same "vibe", IMO. Though I think I understand the context you put forth in terms of your own style of extroversion.

Click to expand...

Does anyone relate?

I just sometimes resent the idea that even with an occasional positive social affair, that they physically and emotionally drain me. I used to think I might get past being exhausted over happy social encounters, but it never seemed to happen. Though more intimate social circumstances tend to be different, although with one relationship being with the same person at work and at home got a little tense at times.

One thing I will point out about the ND extroverts I have encountered here over time. They all tended to lament a common autistic theme. That their NT counterparts could quickly tire of their enthusiasm over special interests. That's one area where we may always stick out, even if and when we can somehow navigate NT social protocols, whether it's masking or not.

But with that exception, they seemed to me as if they were the cliche of a "social butterfly". LOL...something I could never do with any sincerity or indefinite energy.

I don't think I've ever had social exhaustion but I've had exhaustion of being alone. As a kid I remember having tantrums when no playdates were arranged with another child and no children in my street were available to play, during school holidays and weekends. I remember when I was about 6 my mum wouldn't let me play outside with my brother and sister and some other kids in the street because I was getting over a cold and had to stay indoors to recover. I remember sitting on the floor by the front door crying because I really wanted to play with the kids outside. I thought that by crying it would change my mum's mind and let me go outside but she wouldn't. I guess I worn myself out crying in the end and just accepted that I couldn't play outside but I was known for getting distressed when I had to play on my own.

But sometimes I had tantrums when playing with other children too over petty things. I remember me and my brother and sister and a few other kids were playing on a tyre swing we'd made that hung from a tree, and we were all getting a turn each but I was last and I didn't like being last because it made me feel inferior. It's not that I wanted to go first as such but I just hated going last for some reason. So I remember crying excessively while others had a turn on the swing because I just couldn't accept going last. When it was my turn I did enjoy it. But I still wasn't happy about being last. I was often last in activities where you take turns and it used to just get to me.

Misty Avich said:

Today I've been at a social event practically all day, meeting a lot of people I didn't know, and talking to others and hugging and smiling - which all feels natural, as I love being approachable and friendly to people even though I can be a little shy...but at the same time having the same social desires as everyone else. Yes, it's a complicated combination.

Anyway, when I got home (at about 8pm) I phoned my two aunties to chat about how my day went, then I begged my husband to come to bed at the same time as me so that we can chat about our day (we didn't really talk to each other much today because we were too busy talking to others, as there was a lot of people and a lot going on).
But he wanted to wind down by watching TV, so I went to bed to warm up.

But I'm full of energy and have been socialising online ever since I got into bed (on here, Facebook and email). My husband finally came to bed and we chatted about the day and all the people we'd met and spoken to, until he dozed off. So now I'm left wide awake still full of energy.

It seems that socialising doesn't drain me like it should an Aspie. I don't feel a need to stim or anything. Is anyone the same, or am I misdiagnosed? I know all Aspies are different but I just can't relate to all this masking and social exhaustion and all that. Maybe I masked today, because we were at a formal event so I had to act serious and not be my hyper, goofy self. But I think everyone has to mask to an extent to fit in to their environment?

Click to expand...

Yes most definitely, Autistic individuals have high empath aspects, and pick up on many energies, I would often become withdrawn and need to nap flat out for a whole hour, while I recharge, though I have to be honest, this has become less, and I think it is due to my own spiritual development I have been going through, I have been learning to discern which doesn't not align with me, I don't know if it is just me, or if anyone else feels this, when something does not resonate with you, it a choice we have, put up with it and absorb like a sponge, or walk away, recently I have been making more choices of discernment and fleeing, I suppose it is protecting my own wellbeing, not allowing myself to be like a sponge for others to absorb. I suppose I identified the energy vampires who seen me as an easy target, where I use to listen, now I make a stance, and realise I have a choice to walk away.

After a full day of socializing I feel overstimulated, as if I have taken on too much cognitively.

Excessive socializing also seems to trigger my tics as part of Tourette's Syndrome, as if the sensory aspect of socializing with people somehow activates my brain in a way that I become hyper kinetic.

I can get mentally exhausted from repetitive tasks or staying focused on tasks - which are both important skills at work. It's why I couldn't work full-time, I'd be burnt out. Not from the social side of work (in fact socialising helps me function at work and lessens stress and anxiety, which is why being socially accepted at work is important to me). Organising and prioritising can make me anxious and I have to consciously think about how to go a whole workday without forgetting things or losing things. This usually gets worse if I'm under stress, like when the bully was there or when the boss comes down and the place becomes a dictatorship.

For myself? I feel like I'm mostly an introvert with some extrovert tendencies sometimes

I actually struggle with events where it's just socializing (and I'm not photographing it)...

If I'm not photographing I will generally reach a limit where I would rather leave, even if I'm photographing I'll get that feeling unless I have been hired for it, which is a rather rare thing

If it's an entire day, like when my relatives visited a week or so ago, I will start feeling quite exhausted by the evening. At one point I had to leave and go and pace a bit upstairs, maybe 10-15 minutes. My girlfriend came up as she was worried that the movie they had put on had been a bit triggering as it was a Christmas themed one and had maybe reminded me of my cat (as he got sick in the new year and died soon after ). That hadn't really been on my mind but when I came back down it kinda was.

When my relatives had left I felt like I could sleep for days. I have terrible problems sleeping most of the time and thought that I'd be able to sleep and get up early and do something constructive. I slept for a couple of hours and woke up but managed to get back to sleep pretty easy. I woke up expecting it to be quite early but it was 1:30pm! I still felt exhausted. It took me maybe 3 days before I felt more normal again, which wasn't great as someone was supposed to be visiting briefly to sign off on some work that had been done in our house. I was really anxious about it as even though it would only take 5 minutes it felt like I had to go into "chatty performance mode" and I just felt like I didn't have it in me.

On the Tuesday an hour before they were due to arrive, I got a missed call on my phone. Not that I probably would have answered it anyway lol! Then a few minutes later I got a text saying that they had to cancel the visit. I was so absolutely relieved. It felt wonderful to not have to deal with it.

I find these days I am less inclined to be chatty when socialising. I think it makes me feel less stressed when I don't feel the need to keep conversations going. But I still find it exhausting. I feel like I've earned some peace and quiet afterwards. If I have a few days where I don't have to do anything resembling socialising it feels like bliss.

Judge said:

I don't hear it very often these days, but some years back I can still recall how on occasion someone would point out a simple reality for us. "That if you've seen one Aspie, you've seen one Aspie".

Click to expand...

Yeah, I think that is a load of crap too.
If you've met one human being, you have met one human being would be more correct.

I think I'm not drained by socialising if it's not many people, the place isn't busy and I can hear the people well and don't have to do a ton of mental gymnastics to understand what they say at all.

To hell with behaviourism and ignoring causes of issues and putting square pegs into round holes.