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I need help mentaly and physically

L

LostInIsolation

New Member
Im forced to live with my father because rent is too high where i live and where the rent is affordable, is in extremily dangerous neighborhoods where i can be shot just for the color of my skin.

Because of the way i have been treaded everywhere i have ever lived in this country, i have began to hate this country to the poing i actually enjoy seeing terrorist attacks against it, i have a fear due to the level of hatred i have grown towards americans and this country that might in the future do something extremily destructive. But at this moment i have no such desire as of yet.

As of now, i just want to find help, i have no friends, no family that makes me feel anything like love towards them, i feel like i am a guest in my fathers house, not family. I want friends and a life more than salvation at this point, i desperately need to move out of my fathers house into a place i can call home, the problem is, i have no help, no education or education on how to more, have zero tollerance for stress as even the smallest microbe of stress sends me into a panic attack, i live off 1600 ssd, my state is ranked worst of all 50 states for men with mental health, and i dont know what else to do except maybe use my fathers gun on myself and just end my life, i have been holding out hoping i could find help but i cant and with me being banned from renting government apartments i dont know what to do as i cant work, i cant drive, i have literaly no education, and know not what to do.

Death is seeming lik the only option, at this pont id volenteer for slave labor in nkorea over living in the usa, ive come to feeling like being an american is the worst punishment, the most disgusting vile sick joke god could ever bestow on me, and because i hate america to the point ide give china our nuclear codes if i had them, because of my hatred its made finding help 100% impossible.

I want out of this situation so bad that i have prayed to Lucifer himself in exchange for my soul to get me out of her at any cost. if only i could be deported it would be a blessing, but sadly i was born in this trash.

I just want to find help to move outta my fathers trailor and get on my own away from my pathetic esxcuse of a family that has ALWAYS treated me as 3rd world runt trash.

Please anyone if you know anyone that can help me get out of here and on my own, im begging for help i want out of here, because my only other option is using one of my fathers gun on myself while hes at the store or something.
 
tree said:
Have you tried contacting the local department of social services?
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Do that.

I am not American, but i recall when I was young the situation where I lived was vile. My neighbours trashed the 'camp' and pissed on the floors and threw garbage on every floor. They were angry and didn't say Hi when I saluted them, nor did they initiate the salutation.

But I remembered God says; "God does not change the situation of people before they change what is in them (or help them elsewhere in The Book)".

I set out to change The Situation with kill or be killed in my mind. Despite having this dark side of my mind I was being good and kind. I used peaceful words an controlled actions. As ASD1. I took the hits Devil threw at me. My friend and mentor said thei'd "punch back my teeth" and I treated that with Royal Tranquility. And set to help those same people that destroyed our camp.

The Grandson of my Prophet said: "Life with Honor or Death with Honor". You don't want life without Honor and Generosity. So that's what I have to say. A man does not point at external factors, he points at himself.
 
Do you think you are in a position to consider volunteering somewhere? This would not solve all the problems you discussed, but it could be a chance to have structure in your week, build a sense of purpose, and meet people who could become friends. Also, sometimes by helping other humans or animals our own struggles can diminish.
 
lunarious said:
Do that.

I am not American, but i recall when I was young the situation where I lived was vile. My neighbours trashed the 'camp' and pissed on the floors and threw garbage on every floor. They were angry and didn't say Hi when I saluted them, nor did they initiate the salutation.

But I remembered God says; "God does not change the situation of people before they change what is in them (or help them elsewhere in The Book)".

I set out to change The Situation with kill or be killed in my mind. Despite having this dark side of my mind I was being good and kind. I used peaceful words an controlled actions. As ASD1. I took the hits Devil threw at me. My friend and mentor said thei'd "punch back my teeth" and I treated that with Royal Tranquility. And set to help those same people that destroyed our camp.

The Grandson of my Prophet (pbuh @tree) said: "Life with Honor or Death with Honor". You don't want life without Honor and Generosity. So that's what I have to say. A man does not point at external factors, he points at himself.
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i have been to every online vurtual help meeting imaginable, but religon tor my family apart, caused one member to kill herself on christmas, religon is the last thing i want to turn too. As a child i was beaten for faling asleep in class because i was on nearlly every medication, was in and out 13 hospitals for years only to then be placed in an extremily corrupt assisted living from program to program i was beat up, spit on, cussed out by my drug dealing racist staff members, finally old enough to sign my self out i was then rejected by my family, had no help with any servive and every person i met no matter where i went always treated me like trash, yet every person i met online that lived outside the usa, was so kind, caring ect, then one day met a chinese girl whom i became so close to that her grandma makes jokes like if i was there we would be married, her mom said in front of my own mother, "God made a mistake making you born there, you born my child, you live much better, we love and take care of family here" I cried and it made me hate god because he did something so sick and twisted to birth me in such a disgustic trash place like the usa.



Im sorry if people hate to hear me talk junk about the usa but every american ive met is extremely unhelpful because they are either hateful and evil or because they are just evil, and one of the worst parts is the fact they always try to justify if by saying the lord can help, the lord can help. lord is a horrable father.

Only a horrable father would see his child suffering then sit back and watch while they suffer and are in emotional and physical pain, a real father would jum in and help him, but when the flaming dragon asks god whatr kinda suffering it can inflict on a person, god has the audacity to tell and allow him to even approch his child. Screw THAT! ive seen no proof that god cares about anything!
 
As @Rodafina mentioned, helping others can bring about a real improvement in the way we feel about things. For me personally, I consider how I am making life easier for someone in need, and therefore pushing back against the evil in the world.
There are some very good people in the world, and they usually don't live a charmed life, but they have chosen to overcome evil with good.
 
Jumpinbare said:
As @Rodafina mentioned, helping others can bring about a real improvement in the way we feel about things. For me personally, I consider how I am making life easier for someone in need, and therefore pushing back against the evil in the world.
There are some very good people in the world, and they usually don't live a charmed life, but they have chosen to overcome evil with good.
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most of like 90% of the good people ive ever met are outside the usa. 90% of americans and people in the usa ive met are toxic, judgmental and horrable. only an extremily few are actually nice
 
who have i contacted? Litteraly every mental and med dr in a 150 mile radius, and have seen 16 dr so far, and 11 mental drs, all of which were not able to help. My biggest issue aside from being forced to deal with my seriously verbally abusive sister, my biggest issue is my hatred for this nation becauyse of the fact that everyone i deal with since before age 9, was abusive, or unhelpful, all were american obviously, because of that i have grown to hate them, sadly including myself. the last dr tried to have me go to a church for help. but ive too many demons with me evedently to stay there, or at least thats what the pastor said when i told him that as soon as i enter any church i have a terrable fear, burning sensaton from within and almost like visions of everyuone around me screaming being burned alive, at the same time its almost like i enjoy seeing them all burn almost like i take pleasure in it.

sorry i ramble, but a major part in my hatred as im told is i have demons following me, from cats the his and run at the sight of me, even dogs get all defensive. Ive even had dreams where i was brushing my teeth looking in the mirror, then my eyes turn blackm starting from the sides of my eyes then the blackness meets in the middle, i look closer pull my eye lids back and its just nothing. again sorry for rambling,
 
LostInIsolation said:
from cats the his and run at the sight of me, even dogs get all defensive
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You’ve described some very strong feelings of frustration and hatred due to your difficult experiences in life. The cats and dogs are likely responding to this. They are very good at sensing human emotions.

If you like animals, it might be helpful to learn how to be around them in a calm way and earn their trust. Animals can really help some people, and they may be able to help with some of the difficult feelings you shared here.
 

​

LostinIsolation read your post. You do not seem to have any interest in religion and therefore I will not say much on that. If you could explore spirituality to may be give a greater depth of meaning to your life that may be helpful. With a faith it is an individual thing and you need to carve out a route of your own. Positive and negative experiences of anything in this world can be had and faith can be used negatively or positively so just keep that in mind.

I think you have already have had some good advice and Rodafina has said what I would say about voluntary work. When you are stuck at home and don't like it you need to try and get out of there obviously so voluntary work can help you achieve this.

Do you have any interests, if so could you look for something around your interests to do may be as a hobby and develop it.

Cannot you do work paid work, one of my brothers likely has very mild autism and another family member also and they both work.

Perhaps be yourself and show us your interests on this forum and we can support you.
 
Rodafina said:
You’ve described some very strong feelings of frustration and hatred due to your difficult experiences in life. The cats and dogs are likely responding to this. They are very good at sensing human emotions.

If you like animals, it might be helpful to learn how to be around them in a calm way and earn their trust. Animals can really help some people, and they may be able to help with some of the difficult feelings you shared here.
Click to expand...
they are entertainment, but the one thing i want more than even salvation, is some quality of life, to be able to have friends to hang out with, a girlfriend ect. Ive spent thousands on dating sites, everyone is fat, women of color or looking for someone with an education. ive never met another autistic person in my situation in my life. im 30 and never even been hugged by a girl, i just wanted to know what it feels like to be wanted, but, evedently god wants me to suffer for his enjoyment, and suffer i have, im sitting here with my fathers gun in my lap even now.
 
LostInsolation you are worrying me a bit now saying in the gun is in your lap. I said I wouldn't say much about faith to you. However, I don't know much about the situation with you and your faith. If you have had one in the past and someone else's past actions has caused to move away from it and I say call out to your creator now try and move on from what happened as really truly they are only who can rescue you out of this and you trying as well. So take whatever book you using before and call out. If a Christian Our Father Pray is a good way to start Matthew 6 6-9.

Also you are in the US. For emergency we can call dial 999 for help or call 111 and there are other mental health 24hrs support lines. You can walk into an medical hospital and say you are suidical and they will call the mental health team to see you. You are still young and have time on your side.
May be they can help you have some time away from home. What is out there in the US.

You are a child of immigrants like me. Our parents carved their ways by working and that is why I said to you about working. To buy your own home and pay deposit and get out of there. Is there no social housing you can apply to and get letters of support to move somewhere else.
 
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Truthfully im fne now, i talked with a foreign friend and she has always cared for me, thou we rarely get to talk, i feel much better for the time being, me and father are going to the spanish town parade tomorrow, its really hard having any confidence with a family that doesnt inspire it and no friends and no help, i need and want in person friends more than to live another day but, it wont happen, or at least ive no faith it will ever happen. I am like a bird whos wings were clipped at birth whos family all flew away landed 50 feet away on the bbq pit and is stairing at me laughing while all the neighborhood cats are waiting down below for me to fall, lol. I just wish i had friends
 
LostInIsolation I am glad to read you are feeling brighter. Try and have fun with your dad at the parade.

You went to school do you have any old school friends you could communicate with and start there . My brother still meets with old school friends. Facebook is a way to stay in contact with some. I don't have any friends either but I see old school friends on Facebook etc. I have met up with a few in later life. To be honest I am very just happy with my faith is enough for me and other things going like interests and now it seems again another voluntary job.

You want more, you want to meet someone and who knows the future. One way a faith community young one for that right other. Some have events for singles. Your interests could you meet someone through this. I wish I could help find you some groups in your area but you know it better than me. I would suggest no more another on dating sites for now.

There are a Zoom groups for interests and lots of them out there.

30 is young and you have a ton of time on your side.
 
LostInIsolation I was wondering did you ever have a faith and if so which faith did you have. I don't want to know unless you wish to share why you stopped. I need to ask you because I want to respect what you used to believe before I say this. I hope things are going better than they were.
 
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