• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Unsure Of Proper Social Responses

FayetheAspie

FayetheAspie

❔️🔍❔️🧲❔️⚙️❔️🧪Nerd❔️🔬❔️🖋❔️📷❔️📗
V.I.P Member
There have been so many confusing Social encounters. What are the proper responses? In some cases, I have no idea what offended someone. Like when I simply stopped so someone could finish adjusting something on their cart. Suddenly they start screaming at me and telling me to go ahead and cuss at them. I had not even felt irritated much less wanted to cuss at them and had actually been glad for a chance to take a brief break from pulling heavy carts and such.🤷🏼 Another time when someone's cart collapsed, I started helping them pick up the boxes. All of a sudden, the people around me are laughing at me and saying that I slipped up. 😐 I thought we were supposed to help each other. How was I slipping up? Other times, I realize that my response was not what would be considered normal but don't really know what would have been the proper response. Some examples - getting hit in the head with a ball, getting slapped, and having eggs thrown and busted all over my department so I would have to clean it up. I responded to all these by laughing and people were angry at me for laughing, but while I am aware that my response is abnormal in these kinds of situations, what is the socially acceptable response to being hit with something or having your work area ransacked ?
 
Last edited:
I might consider the people you are around rather than something necessarily "wrong" with your behavior. What you're describing seems like you're around some rather immature individuals.

Mature adults generally don't act like this.

Personally, I have a good sense from someone's responses that whatever social interactions I am having with them, might not be what they were expecting. The thing is, I can't take myself, nor the other person, so seriously that it effects my self-esteem. I can't navigate my life on eggshells, worrying about someone else's reaction. Every day I am at work, little, insignificant things remind me that "I am not like them". I know that my mind operates on a totally different wavelength. Sometimes I might explain this to others, but most of the time, I just shrug it off and I don't care about their reaction or thought. Here's the deal though, I don't seek, nor need their approval. It's not a thought in my head. I don't need people to like me, per se. Respect is far more important.

The moment you react negatively towards their behavior; they know that they then have power over you. If you don't react, they might look around a bit confused because they were expecting one from you. They might even try to get a reaction from you again just to test you. They might think you are weird at first, but then it might settle into their brain that your silence is deafening and see you as someone not to mess around with. They won't like you, and that's OK because you don't need them.
 
In 5th grade, I was alone in a restroom when one of the well-established bullies entered the room. I was washing my hands at the time, and he planted himself between me and the paper towel dispenser. Since he was in the way, I started to leave without drying my hands. He moved to intercept me again, and said he was going to beat me up.

I had recently studied self hypnosis, and found that I could use it to suppress pain. Of course, I wanted to share my discovery with other kids, so I had as a demonstration allowed them to to pinch me, punch my arm, etc. to show I was able to block the pain. I'm guessing that the bully had heard about this, and wanted to "break" me. I had certainly done nothing to bother him.

Anyway, when I didn't react to his statement, he began pummeling my stomach. Since I had had plenty of warning, I just stood there, knowing he was hitting me, and feeling body recoiling to the impacts, but feeling no actual pain. After a couple of seconds, the disbelieving look on his face was so comical that I couldn't help laughing. That clearly angered him, and he continued the pummeling.

Eventually, he stopped and said "you're weird!" and left the room.
 
The bathroom incident reminds me of when my Mama and I had to first transfer to the big store where my dad worked. The manager let my Mama know straight up that she didn't want us. Some other time soon afterwards when I went to leave the restroom, a group of young women probably close to the age I was at the time worked together to block my path if I headed for the door. After playing that game for a bit they suddenly stepped aside and the manager was there with an intimidation posture and said something like hello but with an intimidating demeanor and I was finally allowed to leave.
 
Last edited:
Neonatal RRT said:
The moment you react negatively towards their behavior; they know that they then have power over you. If you don't react, they might look around a bit confused because they were expecting one from you. They might even try to get a reaction from you again just to test you. They might think you are weird at first, but then it might settle into their brain that your silence is deafening and see you as someone not to mess around with. They won't like you, and that's OK because you don't need them.
Click to expand...
I would try to be helpful on many occasions (helping people pick up things that fell, helping them come up with a more aerodynamically efficient way to shove the freight down the line which was just mocked and not used even though I had demonstrated it's superior efficiency, catching up the work in the other sections of the line when they would get behind). The guys in the back would say all sorts of horrible things while I did my work and part of theirs and I would just keep working until they had a legit question, then I would answer it. I didn't know any better response and hoped to actually prove that I was a descent person eventually. They would keep pushing and pushing though ( saying various bad things about me, blocking my path, bumping me, ect. ) and I would inevitably break down laughing so I would be sorting freight off of the line while cackling away which gave the appearance of validity to my Dad's claims of me being "crazy". I would go home and take professional quizzes to find out if I was a narcissist or psychopath or something, but the results would come back that I had fewer traits than the average person, but I would go right back and take more tests because the people at work said in so many words that I was one and I felt like I had to be some kind of freak because I had become so stiff and awkward in conversations by that point and because in books, movies, comics only bad characters or soon to become bad characters laugh in situations like that. You have to list past jobs on applications so it is hard to get a new job. That store is willing to take me back but only under terms of someone being assigned to work with me like I'm a toddler or something. I really messed myself up somehow but I just couldn't seem to do better.
 
If your workspace was vandalized by coworkers, the correct response is to go directly to the human resources department and file a complaint. If there is no HR office, what to do depends. You need somebody with legal knowledge to advise you.

That is a blatant example of workplace harassment, and is probably illegal wherever you are.
 
@TBRS1 That part was customers. As for going to HR, the girl that went there didn't keep her job long.
 
Neonatal RRT said:
I might consider the people you are around rather than something necessarily "wrong" with your behavior. What you're describing seems like you're around some rather immature individuals.

Mature adults generally don't act like this.

Personally, I have a good sense from someone's responses that whatever social interactions I am having with them, might not be what they were expecting. The thing is, I can't take myself, nor the other person, so seriously that it effects my self-esteem. I can't navigate my life on eggshells, worrying about someone else's reaction. Every day I am at work, little, insignificant things remind me that "I am not like them". I know that my mind operates on a totally different wavelength. Sometimes I might explain this to others, but most of the time, I just shrug it off and I don't care about their reaction or thought. Here's the deal though, I don't seek, nor need their approval. It's not a thought in my head. I don't need people to like me, per se. Respect is far more important.

The moment you react negatively towards their behavior; they know that they then have power over you. If you don't react, they might look around a bit confused because they were expecting one from you. They might even try to get a reaction from you again just to test you. They might think you are weird at first, but then it might settle into their brain that your silence is deafening and see you as someone not to mess around with. They won't like you, and that's OK because you don't need them.
Click to expand...
A quote from Bruce Lee - - "You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic. If words control you that means everyone can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass."

I learned this along time ago, but was never able to put it into words quite like this.
 
FayetheAspie said:
I would try to be helpful on many occasions (helping people pick up things that fell, helping them come up with a more aerodynamically efficient way to shove the freight down the line which was just mocked and not used even though I had demonstrated it's superior efficiency, catching up the work in the other sections of the line when they would get behind). The guys in the back would say all sorts of horrible things while I did my work and part of theirs and I would just keep working until they had a legit question, then I would answer it. I didn't know any better response and hoped to actually prove that I was a descent person eventually. They would keep pushing and pushing though ( saying various bad things about me, blocking my path, bumping me, ect. ) and I would inevitably break down laughing so I would be sorting freight off of the line while cackling away which gave the appearance of validity to my Dad's claims of me being "crazy". I would go home and take professional quizzes to find out if I was a narcissist or psychopath or something, but the results would come back that I had fewer traits than the average person, but I would go right back and take more tests because the people at work said in so many words that I was one and I felt like I had to be some kind of freak because I had become so stiff and awkward in conversations by that point and because in books, movies, comics only bad characters or soon to become bad characters laugh in situations like that. You have to list past jobs on applications so it is hard to get a new job. That store is willing to take me back but only under terms of someone being assigned to work with me like I'm a toddler or something. I really messed myself up somehow but I just couldn't seem to do better.
Click to expand...
In my state there are professionals called Supported Employment Specialists. The office of vocational rehabilitation has them.

You could also contact Disability Rights in your state.

You aren’t a toddler. You are an adult with autism and facing bullying in the workplace. This is illegal. Finding and having an advocate can help you.
 
FayetheAspie said:
I would try to be helpful on many occasions (helping people pick up things that fell, helping them come up with a more aerodynamically efficient way to shove the freight down the line which was just mocked and not used even though I had demonstrated it's superior efficiency, catching up the work in the other sections of the line when they would get behind). The guys in the back would say all sorts of horrible things while I did my work and part of theirs and I would just keep working until they had a legit question, then I would answer it. I didn't know any better response and hoped to actually prove that I was a descent person eventually. They would keep pushing and pushing though ( saying various bad things about me, blocking my path, bumping me, ect. ) and I would inevitably break down laughing so I would be sorting freight off of the line while cackling away which gave the appearance of validity to my Dad's claims of me being "crazy". I would go home and take professional quizzes to find out if I was a narcissist or psychopath or something, but the results would come back that I had fewer traits than the average person, but I would go right back and take more tests because the people at work said in so many words that I was one and I felt like I had to be some kind of freak because I had become so stiff and awkward in conversations by that point and because in books, movies, comics only bad characters or soon to become bad characters laugh in situations like that. You have to list past jobs on applications so it is hard to get a new job. That store is willing to take me back but only under terms of someone being assigned to work with me like I'm a toddler or something. I really messed myself up somehow but I just couldn't seem to do better.
Click to expand...
You, unfortunately are surrounded by a bunch of immature, middle-school mentality bozos. I would keep that in perspective. As I suggested, normal, mature, adults generally do not act this way. That said, I wouldn't be looking into resources that might suggest that you are a narcissist, psychopath, or anything else, when clearly, they are the problem. Normally, when someone says "everyone treats me this way", you have to ask yourself, "everyone" or is it just the people I am around?
 
Mobbing is very common where i live too. What happened at your workplace sounds outright illegal though, and it must have been traumatizing. There is no right way to react to that.

Here, you can sue the perpetrators and the employers for monetary damages and immaterial damages. But you have to prove that the psychological/ verbal or physical abuse is systematic and not a one time thing. If someone hits or physically hurts you, it is also a crime.

If you face mobbing in the workplace, you can also quit your job and if you can prove the mobbing in the court, the employer also has to fully pay your severance pay

I have even heard of someone who was not invited for tea during break time suing a coworker and receiving compensation due to mobbing(that was in the UK apparently)
 
Last edited:
AprilR said:
Mobbing is very common where i live too. What happened at your workplace sounds outright illegal though, and it must have been traumatizing. There is no right way to react to that.

Here, you can sue the perpetrators and the employers for monetary damages and immaterial damages. But you have to prove that the psychological/ verbal or physical abuse is systematic and not a one time thing. If someone hits or physically hurts you, it is also a crime.

If you face mobbing in the workplace, you can also quit your job and if you can prove the mobbing in the court, the employer also has to fully pay your severance pay

I have even heard of someone who was not invited for tea during break time suing a coworker and receiving compensation due to mobbing(that was in the UK apparently)
Click to expand...
I was at that location for about seven years, but I've been out of there for over two now. If I would tell my dad that I needed a different job he would say I was ruining the past several years of his life. He had my Mama stuck there too. I had to leave when I had to stay home with a family member who had a heart attack.It's just hard to get employment when you're so disliked at your past jobs. I think the resume and interviewing part of school just has me down lately.
 
FayetheAspie said:
I was at that location for about seven years, but I've been out of there for over two now. If I would tell my dad that I needed a different job he would say I was ruining the past several years of his life. He had my Mama stuck there too. I had to leave when I had to stay home with a family member who had a heart attack.It's just hard to get employment when you're so disliked at your past jobs. I think the resume and interviewing part of school just has me down lately.
Click to expand...
It sucks when family is not supportive either. I am sorry for your experience at that place. But i believe working such a long time is bound to be a plus for you. Whether they liked you or not, they did not fire you since they needed you. That shows good work ethic.

I am not good at preparing resumes and interviewing either. For resume, i usually do a lot of research, look at templates and consult AI apps. Also apparently adding a cover letter is a good idea.
 
I actually don't know if I got fired or not, ironically. They gave me an ultimatum to come back, but I could not because I needed to stay with a family member who was recovering so I quit. Later I got something in the mail about qualifying for some certain insurance because of being fired.🤷🏼‍♀️ I guess they changed it to a firing. Either way I am glad to be out of there. The job combined with life at home around my dad was making my ASD stimming worse (especially rocking),making my laughing condition easier and easier to trigger, and causing emotional age regression. I had also started experiencing derealization symptoms probably over 90% of the time during the final 2 years or so of working there regardless of whether I was at work, home, or anywhere else and had had at least one episode of depersonalization while at work.
 
Last edited:
I think the thing I try to keep in mind and remember is that human beings are, generally speaking, elevated primates and they are tribal. Many of them are also very much concerned about maintaining "rank" or the hierarchy in general.

What I mean by all of this is that, at their base level, human beings are skittish around things or other people, who are different from what they are used to or what they expect. If you are someone who looks or acts different, you will be targeted as different.

It takes effort to overcome that base behavior and see beyond difference.

Furthermore, you will see this sort of tribal behaviors amongst people who are less educated than others. That sounds like I'm putting people down but I don't mean it that way. Usually, people who have achieved a higher level of education have been exposed to different ideas and different ways to thinking. And people who have more or higher levels of education usually work in jobs that require these higher levels of education; people who are working in jobs that are basically entry-level positions (retail and other kinds of service positions) don't.

So my answer is that you just work with a bunch of jerks who probably saw you as different so they took out their frustrations on you because they're afraid of everything different from what they expect. I'm sorry this happens to you but I'm saying their behavior is what's weird, not yours.
 
Last edited:
Neonatal RRT said:
I might consider the people you are around rather than something necessarily "wrong" with your behavior. What you're describing seems like you're around some rather immature individuals.
Click to expand...
Absolutely agreed.

Bullies exist throughout our entire society, not just through school. Even our own parents could be awful people.

I actually learned a few ways to deal with rude, selfish, or otherwise ’bad’ people. It took decades though, and many of my methods aren’t exactly ladylike.
 
FayetheAspie said:
I actually don't know if I got fired or not, ironically. They gave me an ultimatum to come back, but I could not because I needed to stay with a family member who was recovering so I quit. Later I got something in the mail about qualifying for some certain insurance because of being fired.🤷🏼‍♀️ I guess they changed it to a firing. Either way I am glad to be out of there. The job combined with life at home around my dad was making my ASD stimming worse (especially rocking),making my laughing condition easier and easier to trigger, and causing emotional age regression. I had also started experiencing derealization symptoms probably over 90% of the time during the final 2 years or so of working there regardless of whether I was at work, home, or anywhere else and had had at least one episode of depersonalization while at work.
Click to expand...
What you got in the mail was probably advising you of being able to get COBRA health insurance benefits; the right to continue your group health insurance (as long as you pay for it) for 18 months (time frame may be different) after your termination. Termination just means you are no longer working with the company, not that you have been fired.
 
WhitewaterWoman said:
What you got in the mail was probably advising you of being able to get COBRA health insurance benefits; the right to continue your group health insurance (as long as you pay for it) for 18 months (time frame may be different) after your termination. Termination just means you are no longer working with the company, not that you have been fired.
Click to expand...
Yes, that was it. I couldn't think of what it was called, but I recognize the name. Thanks for the explanation.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom