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19 and Struggling with a Loss

seanaaronfay

seanaaronfay

Active Member
Hi AspiesCentral,

I decided to join this community and see if it would help me. I just turned 19 just over a month ago, and I'm going to be a sophomore in college this coming fall. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in April of 2005, when I was seven years old. I've struggled making friends throughout school, and still struggle with it today. I don't talk to anyone my age outside of work or school. My biggest struggle of all, which has essentially fueled the fire, is the loss of someone that mattered a lot to me. Luckily, I'm not talking about a death of any kind. By loss, I mean that this person is not prevalent in my life anymore. It had everything to do with me; I at least believe it had to do with me.

I'll keep this post short. But in a nutshell, hi!
 
Welcome,

This is an excellent community, we all look forward to welcoming you and getting to know you.

K
 
Welcome Sean! What Keigan said :)

I've been struggling with making friends most of my life, and I've lost plenty of potential friends because of the way I behaved. Feels really bad, brewed up a lot of self-hatred. I didn't even know about Asperger's through most of my life, and I really wish I did. It could have helped me learn how to make friends before starting college.
 
Welcome Sean.
It does seem to be an Aspie trait to be unable to move on after a loss. We don't usually have many people that we feel close with and I think that is why we do have this difficulty.
Lack of trust is another. So when we find someone that really makes us feel good and happy to be around it is a bigger issue than for most when they are gone.
Sounds like your heart was open to the emotion of love when you were with this person. Did you ever try to reconnect with her? Or was that impossible?
I am trying to find my way in the world without the one person that made me feel complete to be with. Mine was a death. Now I feel alone in a world of people. I wish I had been diagnosed earlier in life so I might have understood more of why my feelings towards people were what they were. Not allowing or wanting anyone else inside the wall I built around myself.
This is not a subject that I have advice on since I am going through the stage of loss myself.
But, you are in a good place here to learn. At least I find it to be so for me.
 
Welcome problem is you can cut your self off if you are depressed and remember the human body does not work to change at the speed of light accept that you have to change at the speed your body wants
as you mature psychologically you will find understanding change slightly easier try mindfulness when you get stressed focusing on an image or pleasant thought or journaling if writing on paper is calming
 
welcome.png
 
SusanLR said:
Sounds like your heart was open to the emotion of love when you were with this person. Did you ever try to reconnect with her? Or was that impossible?
Click to expand...
Hi Susan! I did try to reconnect with her a couple of months ago with a phone call, but I was unsuccessful. I left her a voicemail simply asking her how things were going and letting her know that I was curious to hear from her. But, she never called me back. It frustrates me that she didn't at least reach back to me, but there's isn't really anything I can do at this point.

SusanLR said:
I am trying to find my way in the world without the one person that made me feel complete to be with. Mine was a death. Now I feel alone in a world of people. I wish I had been diagnosed earlier in life so I might have understood more of why my feelings towards people were what they were.
Click to expand...
I complete relate to your feeling of loneliness, and I very sorry for you loss. It's been painful even living with my diagnosis. In a strange way though, I feel like my pain is good because it shows me how much she truly means to me. I feel like if she didn't matter that much to me, then I wouldn't feel lonely like I do.

SusanLR said:
Not allowing or wanting anyone else inside the wall I built around myself.
Click to expand...
That is exactly how I feel right now. Even with a year of college under my belt, it's like I don't even want to converse with my peers and make friends. It's like she took my motivation with her when she departed from my life.
 
Streetwise said:
Welcome problem is you can cut your self off if you are depressed and remember the human body does not work to change at the speed of light accept that you have to change at the speed your body wants
as you mature psychologically you will find understanding change slightly easier try mindfulness when you get stressed focusing on an image or pleasant thought or journaling if writing on paper is calming
Click to expand...
Writing a book about the experience has been a remedy for me. The entire experience has reminded me how much she still matters to me, even though we don't talk or see each other on a regular basis. That's the most significant coping tool I have.
 
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