AGXStarseed
Well-Known Member
(Not written by me. This article is from 2014 but I thought some of these were ironically amusing when I came across it and so decided to share it to see what you guys thought - especially with Christmas just over a month away. I've removed/edited some of the rude language).
1. You will be skint. For the whole of December.
Nothing will absolutely rinse your bank account like a solid month of present shopping, Christmas parties and catch-ups with friends.
But of course it's Christmas, so you have to smile through the agony of spending your hard-earned cash on enduring time with that annoying work colleague and the friend you have actually been debating deleting from Facebook.
2. And pay day seriously f***s you over. Every year.
At first, you're all, 'Hang on, I get paid EARLY in December? OMGGG I HAVE SO MUCH CASH! I am basically The Wolf of Wall Street. Come take a bath in all my dolla b***hezzzz.'
But by the 1st of January you realise you have spent two months of pay in around 31 days and will be living on baked beans and dry husks of bread until the end of January.
3. Christmas movies are the worst movies ever made.
Okay, maybe it didn't feel like that the first time you watched it, but by this point in your life you have seen them so many times you could recite them by heart.
Also, don't even get us started on the plot holes in Love Actually. And Home Alone? Kevin McCallister and his siblings would probably be taken away by social services.
4. Being kissed WAY too close to the mouth by relatives you barely know...
*shudder*
5. Having the SAME conversation about your life 50 times.
To save time, here's something you can print out and hand around:
Merry Christmas relative!
It's great to see you. My course and/or job is going well, thanks. Living in [………] is nice but I miss you all terribly.
This has been lovely, let's do it again next Christmas x
6. The TV schedule is like one long Groundhog Day.
Back in the good old days, Christmas TV was an absolute delight. It featured films that had barely made it to video and hours of one-off Christmas specials.
Now, 63% of Christmas TV is repeats of things like Dads Army. As The Mirror put it: "During the two week festive period from December 20 until January 2, 729 of the 1,154 programmes aired on the main four channels will be repeats."
7. That thing where you go outside and it's so cold that when you go back inside, your fingers and toes burn...
OW.
8. Having to spend at LEAST one solid day with your family, possibly up to two weeks.
There is a reason you stopped going on family holidays. It's because the first few hours are GREAT, but by day three you are already reaching your absolute limit and are seriously considering disowning every blood relative in the vicinity.
Nothing makes people hate each other like forcing them to cram into one room and have 24-hours of solid, compulsory fun.
9. Compulsory fun (it's the worst kind of fun).
It's so bad, we've given it its own point. Super-competitive board games, wearing novelty hats, family pictures pulling stupid faces, party games with people from your office you have never actually spoken to. MAKE IT STOP.
10. The smallest things will start to annoy you.
You will unwittingly become absolutely fixated on the fact your parents have put the heating on too high, the fact the TV is too loud because your Gran is going deaf and how your usually cute cousin has turned into a screaming sugar-fuelled demon that cannot be tamed.
11. Social media becomes the worst place on the planet.
Your Facebook/Twitter/Instagram will be absolutely overloaded with attempts at 'arty' pictures of Christmas trees, Christmas dinner and discarded wrapping paper. Speaking of which...
12. The use of #blessed...
And #nom.
13. You WILL get at least one crappy gift...
And it will probably be something you are either supposed to wear or display in your house. Why doesn't anyone ever give you a rubbish gift that can be easily hidden away in a drawer and never spoken of again?
This will make you feel terrible and like you are Rachel in Friends when she only likes to be given gifts from her specified list.
14. You start hating children a little bit.
Because you know they're having a WAY better time than you. Santa, exciting presents, eating ALL the sweets. Christmas was just so much more fun when you were a kid and now you're not and quite frankly, you're a bit jealous.
15. It's actually a SERIOUSLY depressing time of year.
Don't believe us? Think about the lyrics and plots to some of your favourite festive films and songs and it's enough to tip you over the edge. No wonder everyone has to stuff their face at Christmas (Santa included) - we're all comfort eating through the misery.
Just a few examples…
Jona Lewie - Stop The Cavalry: "Wish I was at home for Christmas / Bang, that's another bomb on another town."
Pogues - Fairytale Of New York: "You're an old slut on junk / Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed."
Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas?: "It's a world of dread and fear / Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears."
We've made our point.
16. Having to see Bono EVERYWHERE because of aforementioned Band Aid.
Go away, Bono.
17. Christmas adverts actually WANT you to cry.
John Lewis are the worst. First it was trying to make you consider the fact that every Christmas you are one year closer to death, then how your snowman melted and died and now that your child is probably sad and alone and talking to stuffed animals.
Don't even get us started on Sainsbury's. Oh look, all the soldiers are making friends because Christmas unites everyone. That is until they had to go back to war and suffer atrocities that would be our worst nightmares.
18. Having to eat truly disgusting leftovers.
By 27th December, you are DONE with Christmas food. Yet you have to spend as many days as it takes to use up the remaining food, eating concoctions that resemble a Bushtucker Trial.
19. In fact, Christmas is so sucky, we need New Year resolutions.
Everyone feels so bloated, hungover and angry at the ones they love by the end of the festive period that we have created a custom that specifically requires us to resolve to be less greedy, drunk and snappy next year.
Source: 19 legitimate reasons Christmas totally SUCKS
1. You will be skint. For the whole of December.
Nothing will absolutely rinse your bank account like a solid month of present shopping, Christmas parties and catch-ups with friends.
But of course it's Christmas, so you have to smile through the agony of spending your hard-earned cash on enduring time with that annoying work colleague and the friend you have actually been debating deleting from Facebook.
2. And pay day seriously f***s you over. Every year.
At first, you're all, 'Hang on, I get paid EARLY in December? OMGGG I HAVE SO MUCH CASH! I am basically The Wolf of Wall Street. Come take a bath in all my dolla b***hezzzz.'
But by the 1st of January you realise you have spent two months of pay in around 31 days and will be living on baked beans and dry husks of bread until the end of January.
3. Christmas movies are the worst movies ever made.
Okay, maybe it didn't feel like that the first time you watched it, but by this point in your life you have seen them so many times you could recite them by heart.
Also, don't even get us started on the plot holes in Love Actually. And Home Alone? Kevin McCallister and his siblings would probably be taken away by social services.
4. Being kissed WAY too close to the mouth by relatives you barely know...
*shudder*
5. Having the SAME conversation about your life 50 times.
To save time, here's something you can print out and hand around:
Merry Christmas relative!
It's great to see you. My course and/or job is going well, thanks. Living in [………] is nice but I miss you all terribly.
This has been lovely, let's do it again next Christmas x
6. The TV schedule is like one long Groundhog Day.
Back in the good old days, Christmas TV was an absolute delight. It featured films that had barely made it to video and hours of one-off Christmas specials.
Now, 63% of Christmas TV is repeats of things like Dads Army. As The Mirror put it: "During the two week festive period from December 20 until January 2, 729 of the 1,154 programmes aired on the main four channels will be repeats."
7. That thing where you go outside and it's so cold that when you go back inside, your fingers and toes burn...
OW.
8. Having to spend at LEAST one solid day with your family, possibly up to two weeks.
There is a reason you stopped going on family holidays. It's because the first few hours are GREAT, but by day three you are already reaching your absolute limit and are seriously considering disowning every blood relative in the vicinity.
Nothing makes people hate each other like forcing them to cram into one room and have 24-hours of solid, compulsory fun.
9. Compulsory fun (it's the worst kind of fun).
It's so bad, we've given it its own point. Super-competitive board games, wearing novelty hats, family pictures pulling stupid faces, party games with people from your office you have never actually spoken to. MAKE IT STOP.
10. The smallest things will start to annoy you.
You will unwittingly become absolutely fixated on the fact your parents have put the heating on too high, the fact the TV is too loud because your Gran is going deaf and how your usually cute cousin has turned into a screaming sugar-fuelled demon that cannot be tamed.
11. Social media becomes the worst place on the planet.
Your Facebook/Twitter/Instagram will be absolutely overloaded with attempts at 'arty' pictures of Christmas trees, Christmas dinner and discarded wrapping paper. Speaking of which...
12. The use of #blessed...
And #nom.
13. You WILL get at least one crappy gift...
And it will probably be something you are either supposed to wear or display in your house. Why doesn't anyone ever give you a rubbish gift that can be easily hidden away in a drawer and never spoken of again?
This will make you feel terrible and like you are Rachel in Friends when she only likes to be given gifts from her specified list.
14. You start hating children a little bit.
Because you know they're having a WAY better time than you. Santa, exciting presents, eating ALL the sweets. Christmas was just so much more fun when you were a kid and now you're not and quite frankly, you're a bit jealous.
15. It's actually a SERIOUSLY depressing time of year.
Don't believe us? Think about the lyrics and plots to some of your favourite festive films and songs and it's enough to tip you over the edge. No wonder everyone has to stuff their face at Christmas (Santa included) - we're all comfort eating through the misery.
Just a few examples…
Jona Lewie - Stop The Cavalry: "Wish I was at home for Christmas / Bang, that's another bomb on another town."
Pogues - Fairytale Of New York: "You're an old slut on junk / Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed."
Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas?: "It's a world of dread and fear / Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears."
We've made our point.
16. Having to see Bono EVERYWHERE because of aforementioned Band Aid.
Go away, Bono.
17. Christmas adverts actually WANT you to cry.
John Lewis are the worst. First it was trying to make you consider the fact that every Christmas you are one year closer to death, then how your snowman melted and died and now that your child is probably sad and alone and talking to stuffed animals.
Don't even get us started on Sainsbury's. Oh look, all the soldiers are making friends because Christmas unites everyone. That is until they had to go back to war and suffer atrocities that would be our worst nightmares.
18. Having to eat truly disgusting leftovers.
By 27th December, you are DONE with Christmas food. Yet you have to spend as many days as it takes to use up the remaining food, eating concoctions that resemble a Bushtucker Trial.
19. In fact, Christmas is so sucky, we need New Year resolutions.
Everyone feels so bloated, hungover and angry at the ones they love by the end of the festive period that we have created a custom that specifically requires us to resolve to be less greedy, drunk and snappy next year.
Source: 19 legitimate reasons Christmas totally SUCKS
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