A bully wants to come back to work

[Misty Avich]

Last year there was this young lad at work who wasn't a nice person and often he bullied people, especially me. He was rude and often pushed our buttons, then when we exploded he'd go running to the office and get people suspended. He got two people suspended before. While I find it difficult to assert myself against bullies, I'm scared that if I did he might have got me suspended too.

He left the company last summer (his own choice) because he made himself so unlikeable that he felt miserable here.
It felt like a relief when he'd gone, as only about 2 or 3 people liked him. But today I heard he had phoned the office asking about the job position they are advertising. Apparently they turned him down (as nobody in the office liked him either), but if they get that desperate I'm scared they might change their mind and give him his old job back.

I feel really panicky at the thought of it. I didn't think he'd want to come back, as it seemed like he wanted to move on. I really don't want to have to work with him again.

Why do people always want to do things I didn't think they would? I have a feeling this year is going to be one of those crappy years where fate is against me. I'm just managing to hold myself together about my cousin having this brat thing in her womb, and now the guy who bullied me wants to return to my workplace.

What's next? I hate my life. Why can't I just be happy? Now it's home life (the noisy neighbours), family life (babies, babies, babies), and now my work life (bullying). I think it will be my health next. I'm probably going to be diagnosed with cancer or something at some time this year.

Is life really worth living for me? Why am I here? What purpose do I have on this planet apart from exist as a punch bag for insecure people who I still am expected to feel empathy for?

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Why do people always want to do things I didn't think they would? I have a feeling this year is going to be one of those crappy years where fate is against me. I'm just managing to hold myself together about my cousin having this brat thing in her womb, and now the guy who bullied me wants to return to my workplace.

What's next? I hate my life. Why can't I just be happy? Now it's home life (the noisy neighbours), family life (babies, babies, babies), and now my work life (bullying). I think it will be my health next. I'm probably going to be diagnosed with cancer or something at some time this year.

Is life really worth living for me? Why am I here? What purpose do I have on this planet apart from exist as a punch bag for insecure people who I still am expected to feel empathy for?

While I understand your feelings, you are catastrophizing right now. There is nothing indicating that this entire year's going to be crappy, or that you're gonna get cancer. If you still feel this way right now (the question has been posted a few hours ago, after all), maybe call someone you trust and ask them for a gentle but firm reality check.

As for that bully who left the company: I really get that you're feeling terrified about this. But right now, your company denied him the position. From what you wrote, they seem to know how bad he was for the team. Something you could consider doing is talk to a work colleague about your worries and ask someone (maybe your team has a spokesperson?) to talk with you to your superiors to emphasize just how much all of you don't want this person to come back? That would give you a certain control over the situation. But the way you're describing it, I think the company's aware of the problems and are not keen on hiring this person back.

 

[Misty Avich]

While I understand your feelings, you are catastrophizing right now.

I really hope I am and that it won't turn out as bad as I'm imagining it.

There is nothing indicating that this entire year's going to be crappy, or that you're gonna get cancer. If you still feel this way right now (the question has been posted a few hours ago, after all), maybe call someone you trust and ask them for a gentle but firm reality check.

It's just I've had a few different years in my past that turned out to be "bad years" where everything happened at once.

As for that bully who left the company: I really get that you're feeling terrified about this. But right now, your company denied him the position. From what you wrote, they seem to know how bad he was for the team. Something you could consider doing is talk to a work colleague about your worries and ask someone (maybe your team has a spokesperson?) to talk with you to your superiors to emphasize just how much all of you don't want this person to come back? That would give you a certain control over the situation. But the way you're describing it, I think the company's aware of the problems and are not keen on hiring this person back.

He did leave without giving notice, so I'm hoping that would go against his chances of returning.

I have spoken to several colleagues about it today, including the union rep and the people in the office. Some of them said "I bloody hope not", others said "he bloody ain't!" and the rest said "they wouldn't employ him again." Not one good word spoken about him. But I'm not really sure who makes the decisions of who gets hired. If it is the bloke in the office who said "he bloody ain't!" then I'm reassured. But I don't think it is him. I'm hoping it's my boss (also our supervisor). He's a lovely guy but didn't like him and said the company most likely won't let the boy anywhere near the door.

But because of my anxiety, I can't be completely reassured until I know for definite that he won't come back. There's only one guy who likes him, but I'm not even sure who he's supposed to be, position-wise. He used to be the one in charge but then left but still often comes back for official meetings, so I don't know what's going on with him. I hope he doesn't help the boy worm his way back. I was so pleased the day he left and I didn't think I'd ever see him again.

 

[Misty Avich]

This meme is 100% me all the time:-

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Sometimes we have to work with extremely unlikeable people. I’ve had to deal with two at work that most of us hated. The one supervisor was pretty bad and expected me to do things that I couldn’t do realistically and there was one girl who absolutely hated him. I also worked with this girl who was this fake acting passive aggressive bully and no one but the supervisor that everyone else hated even liked her. I wrote up a grievance against her because I got sick of all these comments that she made towards me and I didn’t like. Once I was told to take her to a unit with me and o was holding two cardboard things of soda and I could feel them start to collapse into the center and I couldn’t shift my arms with both and so I asked her to grab the top one so that I could shift my arm towards the center to prevent the cardboard from folding into itself and she looked at me and said “It’s not THAT heavy!” and she wouldn’t do it. Yeah. I know it wasn’t heave but I wasn’t going to allow 48 cans on soda just drop onto the floor and explode and shoot out their contents everywhere especially so close to the steam table which was uncovered and ready to serve the food and ruin it all. The only thing you can really do is try to not talk to them or be near them whenever it’s possible.

 

[Misty Avich]

I just couldn't bear to see him back. He made me feel so unhappy when I went there, and my life is already crap as it is. Now I've got to face a bully at work again, an insecure, mixed up lout. On Monday I'll have to ask who it actually is who employs people.

Before he left he had a lot of days off sick, then when they arranged welfare meetings for him that were compulsory to attend, he didn't turn up to any of them. Then he strolled in one day, said he had resigned, and nobody has seen him since.

Due to depression and anxiety I just cannot deal with this. He was often so rude to me, would often tell me when to speak and when not to, and just lectured me for no reason, making me feel undermined and insignificant. Then it caused me to arrive home unhappy and crying. Yes, I know, call me weak, but I just cannot cope with it. I felt so happy and relieved when he'd resigned. And now the little twot is asking to come back. I reckon he's gone to other jobs and caused trouble there, resigned or been fired, and is in need for a job again.

He seems to have come from a very messed up, drug-dependant family. One of his younger brothers, only 11, hangs about in a gang doing drugs and causing trouble.

I was hoping I'd never have to cross his path again. I'm so badly hoping the company won't take him back. But it all depends on who is the one who decides who to employ. If it's his drinking buddy, then we're all screwed (God I wish I could swear on this forum).