SDFLATLANDER
New Member
I am a 60 something old man. Married with a wife 60 something old with cancer, slowly dying but in good shape at this point. A female, T, moved here, (town on the Missouri river in SD) from New England. A well educated woman, articulate and very likable, in her late 40s. She started coming over and helping us cut and haul firewood, ate with us, played cards with us, shared life with us. As things developed and we got to know each other well, she confided in me that she is an aspie, I am well educated and knew what that was but not with any in depth knowledge. As time went on her and I had several conversations and she disclosed that she thought it acceptable that there be a such a large age difference in a marriage. Stepped right up to my face and said she liked coming over because she liked the company. Stated that she found us compatible in several ways some of which seemed a bit odd and truly minor. She started texting me regularly and if I were to call her about helping me with wood she may say she was busy and then the next thing I knew I would get a text that she was on the way. Short story I fell in love with her. My wife saw it happening and said she let it go because she felt I needed all the friends I could get and that fact that both of uswere well educated, had interests in common. I still loved my wife but she was in very bad shape so did I allow myself to fall because of the timing, my friends beauty in and out, something that haunts me now. I could not live divided, confessed my love to T and things went downhill. I wound up with a nervous breakdown, am retiring from my work because my ability to focus has diminished. As I went down hill I emailed T that we had to stop communicating intimately, if she were to come over it would have to with the 3 of us involved. I pointed out what she had done to encourage our relationship but she refused to take any responsibility. She, became very withdrawn, distant but did try to rebuild our friendship. I did enough research to understand Aspergers and realized I needed to give her space to process things on her terms. She did recover, expressed appreciation for me giving her the space but seemed that she wanted things to go back to they way they were. I did not respond in that manner. I also, for my own mental cleansing, felt compelled to "try" to explain my emotions and how I felt about things which included my feeling that I had abandoned her and violated her trust and why I did what I did because I was in danger of suicide, I HAD to disengage. She has again become angry. I will be seeing a psychiatrist and trying to understand what went wrong. I love her, philia, and my wife and her are best friends and both know all about my feelings. I am just having a very hard time coping. Before I knew when I was talking to T but now I am confused, is this T or her protective persona. Any and please, I have already beaten myself up, nice soap opera but this has caused all of us pain.
