A girl at a game store I (24-year-old male) go to asked me out today and I'm not sure what to do

[Ya Boi]

At this game store I go to, there's a girl there and we've played Warhammer for a few months now. Today, completely out of the blue when there were other people around, she came up to me and asked if I wanted to go out with her this weekend. It was very surprising for me, but I ended up saying, "Sorry, I'm busy this weekend." (Which I am). Then she gave me her phone number so we could plan something later. We were able to play normally after that but that event and what I should do now are still eating at me.

My initial reaction was not wanting to go out with her, but then my mind tried to convince me I should pursue her as a girlfriend, only for me to then convince myself why I shouldn't. My mom suggested I try to get to know her better and become better friends with her by doing things like hanging out outside of the game store, and maybe I would find myself attracted to her even if now I don't. I was ok with the idea of becoming friends with her, but the idea of the two of us hanging out alone makes me uncomfortable knowing she likely has these feelings for me. I did end up texting her just to start a conversation and she said hi back to me, but I'm not sure where to go from here. She's not a bad person, but she has some things about her I find annoying and not stuff I would want from my partner. The idea of going out with her and it possibly being romantic fills me with all sorts of negative emotions, but the idea of completely turning her down or cutting all ties with her feels just as, if not more awful. My mom also suggested that maybe it isn't romantic and she just wants to get to know me better, but with all the clues I got from our interaction I feel like it's romantic. I also realized I'm not sure how old she is, since it never came up in any conversation and it's hard to tell just by looking at her, and that others have mistaken me for a teenager before, meaning she may be in high school still and not know I'm an adult. That would probably be the best-case scenario for me, but I'm not sure how to ask that or how likely it is that will happen.

As for my thoughts on relationships, I'm really not sure. I've never dated or been with anyone and didn't think I ever would. Now I have the perfect opportunity to try it and I'm here complaining about how I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to say I'm asexual, but I don't know if I'll ever get into a relationship, whether it be because I don't make any efforts to form one, I don't get any opportunities, or I just don't have any interest in them. But it also feels like I have to get in one because I'm 99% sure my brother will never get into one, meaning I'm the only one who could give my parents grandkids. I don't feel like I want to have kids and they haven't brought up the topic, but I feel like they would be disappointed if they don't get any.

I'm really not sure what to do about this. I want to run away from this situation, but I feel obligated to stay so I don't hurt her feelings. What should I do about this?

 

[Outdated]

Why don't you try it and just see what happens? It's not like you have to suddenly commit to marriage after the first kiss or anything. Have some fun and gain some experience and if it doesn't work out, ce la vie. But at least next time around you'll feel less awkward and nervous.

 

[Ya Boi]

Why don't you try it and just see what happens? It's not like you have to suddenly commit to marriage after the first kiss or anything. Have some fun and gain some experience and if it doesn't work out, ce la vie. But at least next time around you'll feel less awkward and nervous.

But I really don't feel like I want to kiss her, and the idea that I'll have to worries and bothers me.

 

[Jordy]

If you don't want to go just tell her.

 

[Suzanne]

From personal experience, it is best to be honest, even if embarrassing ie asking her what her intentions would be? Is she liking you as a friend, or as you suspect a romantic partner? Based on her hopeful honest answer, you can then, react accordingly.

I say it with ease, but even at my age now, I would find it hard to do and I have been there, when guys asked me out and I stupidly did go out with them, just because they asked and it was a huge mistake.

It seems logical to get to know her and thus, might turn out her annoying traits, become cute, but what about her feelings? Suppose she is really attracted to you? It could complicate things even more. So, yep, it is best to be upfront, so that she knows where she is as well as you.

In truth, I would join another gaming place. Anything to avoid unpleasant atmospheric situations.

One last thing. Attraction cannot be forced. Yes, you could start to feel attracted to her, but, I feel that it is best to get to know her in a safe environment.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

This is a gift to you, I tried being the best person I could, but no woman ever asked me, much less noticed me. Value her confidence and plan a date that gives you space to get to know each other. A coffee shop is a great option. You don't say how socially mature you are, but with a get to know you date it is OK to define the relationship going forward.
I was lucky that in meeting my spouse we were friends first before being intimate. Being friends made it easier for me to be vulnerable towards her . . . . way out of my normal comfort zone.

I am so happy to hear that you were noticed in that way.

 

[Tom]

I concur with above. I would at least accept the invitation and do a first meet low key up. Then you can find out more about them (age, likes, etc.). There is nothing wrong with deciding it will be a friends thing if you enjoy the outting. And you get some experience in which is very important if you do decide you want a girlfriend, etc.

 

[Hypnalis]

You're over-thinking this.

This is a case where something informal like meeting for coffee or lunch is the correct move.
In either case, starting with a walk (maybe too cold now?), or something else that takes 30-60 minutes (art gallery, public art, Christmas market, ...) and works well as an "ice-breaker" is a good idea.

It's always a good idea to put in a small effort up-front to make conversation easier later on.

Something you may or may not be need but some posters here make big mistakes in this area:
This is not currently about romance or sex. It's literally the initial contact to see if you might want to spend more time together.
Either one of you could reasonably open the door to being casual friends, gamer buddies, or something else "lightweight". Or one/both might decide to disengage. Or take steps towards any one of a very large range of possible relationships, including a romantic one.

One of the things you might do is explain you're an Aspie (assuming you are), or that you've never been in a relationship, or other things that might influence her expectations. Note that "never been in a relationship" is not likely to be a "show-stopper".

If you know there's a significant age difference, or something else comes up that would influence her expectations (such as mismatched sexual polarity), you must raise those topics, but don't make a circus out of it. It's just a simple exchange of facts - you can figure out (or learn) how to do it politely.

Very important: do NOT ever "sell" another person on why their personal characteristics mean you don't see them as a possible romantic partner.
It's extremely, unforgivably, rude.

If you don't know how to politely let someone know that, learn immediately.

 

[foliodoe]

Something you may or may not be need but some posters here make big mistakes in this area:
This is not currently about romance or sex. It's literally the initial contact to see if you might want to spend more time together.

I feel like I literally just learned this when I read it lol thank you for putting the last 20 years of my life into perspective

 

[Alexej]

I would suggest that arrange a meeting with her at an easy place - coffee shop for example.
Just chat and get to know each other a bit.

You might want to be clear as to what you might want and/or dont want, but you have no idea of where she is coming from.

Meeting in a coffee shop gives space for a low key meeting and you just get to know each other a bit. I think that is all she is asking at the moment, and the question for you is whether you want to explore a bit.

 

[Gerontius]

Go get some coffee with her or take her for a walk. It's not a romance thing, it's someone being friendly and sociable and it sounds like both of you are into Warhammer so that is all right.

You can be friends with a girl and it not be romantic, that is allowed.

I'm your same age and I ended up falling in love rather quickly with a girl in July because we met on a dating site, wanted to evaluate one another for marriageability rather than hook up, and we're both autistic and somewhat similar so we have common ground.

That worked because we wanted it to. It does not have to be that way if you don't want to.

It would be polite for you to go out with her and at least work on Warhammer strategy.

 

[tree]

@Ya Boi

What would you do if she were a guy, instead of a girl?

Meaning, how would you be treating this invitation if
there were no possibilities of *romance*?

Is it possible for you to consider associating with a female
without imagining there has to be 'romance' involved?

 

[All-Rounder]

It's a really bad idea as a reason to have kids to perpetuate genes. Knowing how repeatable they are it's really useless. That cancels out the common 'knowledge' people put on themselves as a responsibility to perform for the sake of ancestry. Plus it's illogical and harmful to you, your partner and your future kid.

All reasons to date this girl come from an external pressure point. I suggest you deny it for everyone's best interest especially her feelings, if you respect them.

If you are going to accept it you want to learn a lot about relationships and how not to be influenced by external factors, but make sure you have your own reasons to date her. If you won't, you will set yourself up for failure, harm and lack of satisfaction.

If you're not ready for a relationship a guess is you're not ready for kids, so maybe it would help you to slow down your life advancement and thinking about kids, and try avoiding using women as baby factories or gene spreaders, especially when you're not into them. Us, women, we don't tolerate objectification, even if it's out of the lack of experience and common sense that comes with autism.

 

[Ceylon]

But I really don't feel like I want to kiss her, and the idea that I'll have to worries and bothers me.

You don't have to! She's not entitled to that, and you're not "supposed" to do it. You can do whatever you want! Of course try to always be respectful, but if you don't feel like something, don't do it. Trying is always nice but if you already have an "off" feeling you probably won't like her later, but you can still be friends!
(Also you can always adopt if you don't want a relationship and ever want kids on your own, even tho it's a difficult process)

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

~

You don't have to! She's not entitled to that, and you're not "supposed" to do it. You can do whatever you want! Of course try to always be respectful, but if you don't feel like something, don't do it. Trying is always nice but if you already have an "off" feeling you probably won't like her later, but you can still be friends!
(Also you can always adopt if you don't want a relationship and ever want kids on your own, even tho it's a difficult process)

I think he is overthinking and rushing to conclusions that are far beyond just getting to assess the other person as a friend to hang out with. When I started dating at 26 Starting out assuming things were going to be romantic was not on my mind. I also had problems with affection like kissing and hugging. Then I had my first relationship and felt good with G-rated exploration of affection like kissing and cuddling, but we were ultimately incompatible. Yet that tought me that I wanted more and I finally met my very compatible spouse and was ready for some deep affection, though we were friends first.

 

[mysterionz]

I also realized I'm not sure how old she is, since it never came up in any conversation and it's hard to tell just by looking at her,

Have you asked her how old she is yet, OP? First thing you should know when you get to know someone

 

[selena]

You're not responsible to give your parents grandkids. It's getting more and more common for young people to have pets instead, and their parents adapt to that.

But go with the girl anyway just to have fun, because someday you won't be 24 anymore and you'll be old and fat and jaded and tired all the time and wonder why you didn't say yes when you were relatively attractive enough for other human beings.

 

[musicallessness]

It's a fine line there my friend it's yeah she's sexually attracted yet insecure to know better not to be but then wants to be buddies or as the saying goes friends with benefits. Oh, yeah this rollercoaster can be an addicting one... Just a few two cents worth as there could be more to write but... Yk
Be truthful about your feelings

 

[Aspychata]

If she puts it out there, like more of a relationship, then you have a couple choices. Go for it, and realize either one of you may end it. Tell her you really like her, and wish to continue as friends as you aren't quite ready for anything else, or just ride the roller coaster ride and see when you need to exit. She may not be looking for serious given her age. You can always ask her, where do you see yourself in two years. If she says kids, two dogs, a little white picket fence, then you may need to split fast.

 

[musicallessness]

What j

If she puts it out there, like more of a relationship, then you have a couple choices. Go for it, and realize either one of you may end it. Tell her you really like her, and wish to continue as friends as you aren't quite ready for anything else, or just ride the roller coaster ride and see when you need to exit. She may not be looking for serious given her age. You can always ask her, where do you see yourself in two years. If she says kids, two dogs, a little white picket fence, then you may need to split fast.

But if just a cat, then what?