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A good friend is now dead.

Metalhead

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict. All for gay pride.
V.I.P Member
He was facing some serious prison time for some things he did while intoxicated, and he took his own life, and now I am seriously pissed off at him for taking his own life.

Not sure what else to say about this right now, other than now I know how selfish of an act suicide can be a lot of the time.
 
Agree,...I can see your perspective. On the other hand, if one is self-medicating with alcohol and/or drugs, there was likely some depression involved. As many of us know, once we are in that state of mind, rational thinking is less likely and the emotions of despair take over. "Do I go to prison,...or do I end it all?" Perhaps he didn't see himself ever climbing out that hole he dug for himself,...and figured his life was over with anyways,...so why drag it out. Many of us have these thoughts,...rational, or not. It's too bad there wasn't some way to intervene and create some other potential outcome,...give him hope for a better future. Difficult topic. Cuts close to a many of us. Sorry for your loss.:(
 
Life is hard sometimes, isn't it.

It's not your fault.

You can't control others destiny. We just have to accept it.

Anger is natural.

But what's done is done.

You can't save everybody. Every action has consequences. Maybe you think you could have helped, or averted this, most likely, not.

People are free agents. With Free will.

Dealing with death is very difficult. But everybody is responsible for their own actions. We all die eventually. We can't control how it happens. And you cant' control people's spiral downwards. You're only responsible for your self. "Everybody Goes Away in the End" Yeah, that's true.

Just do everything you can to keep level headed. (Within reason, within bounds, sure...have a drink, whatever gets you through. I think you said you had a problem with that? anyway...) Naturally, it's a trying time, psychologically, emotionally, to have such news , hit you. It's worse when it''s unexpected. No time to mentally prepare. It hits you all at once. There's no way to feel good about it, or process it, beforehand.
 
This is a difficult subject. It was his life, and he decided he wanted out. Should we decide for them or just tell them how much we'll miss them when they're gone? My best friend killed himself as did my nephew. Both tragic and heartbreaking. Rips my heart out every time I think of it.

There are times that I still blame myself for not being more aware of the situations…that I’ve could have done more. These are scars that I must wear till my last breath…sword of life cuts both ways.

Could I have done more? Should I have done more? Would it have made a difference? Would my involvement only delay the inevitable? These thoughts circle through my head every time I think of them…and it hurts terribly. I silently express my grief alone…and then go hug my wife and children. We must release those bricks we carry and allow ourselves to move forward, smiling as we remember those wonderful people who have touched our lives.

Sorry for your loss.
 
I also found out I was the last person to see him alive and that pisses me off even more since he insisted he was alright at the time.
 
So sorry for your loss. He assured you he was alright, and seemed to be coping. He'd always coped before, enough to get by. But this time apparently was different. Briefly at least he was in a suicidal frame of mind, and carried it out. So sad. And like you say, we're likely to feel helpless, angry and misled when something like this happens.
 
Sorry to hear, @Metalhead.

I do wonder sometimes whether those who do reach out somehow and "telegraph" their intent are really the ones seeking help. Whereas those who claim they are "fine" who really aren't are probably intent on ending their lives no matter what.
 
And now I am drunk. Stupid of me. Ah, well, I failed my friend and now I fail myself. It was the tastiest beer I ever had, the first after several months.
 
I agree with Aspychata. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’ve had a shock. Just get through the night and commit to sobriety again right now (no more drinks tonight!).
 
I am now drinking water and another friend is coming over soon to take the rest of the beer away from me. What was I thinking?
 
Fino said:
Maybe this can help at least a little bit.
Click to expand...

This is so helpful. This puts everything into steps. It's important to think about the great things you knew about them that you liked. The memories that you shared. Perhaps journal and definitely talk about how you feel.
 
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