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A guy not on the spectrum introducing himself

N

ntloveandpain

Well-Known Member
Hi, I'm from Germany. I'm what is called neurotypical, I guess, the first time I hear the word actually. I'm here because I fell in love with a guy who is diagnosed with Aspergers or high functioning autism. I think I have actually ruined everything with him, so yeah, I am here to understand what I did wrong because I can't really get over him (it's a month since we talked).

Well, at first I didn't know he had Aspergers. Well, most of the time he acted in a way I did understand. But sometimes it just totally didn't make sense what he said. At first, I thought it was because I was in love and hence lacked some understanding because, you know, my own neurochemistry was messed up with oxytocin.

Normally, I am very good at understanding people - ok, once in a while I might miss a sarcastic joke, but normally, I look a person in the eyes and I just feel what they feel. But with him? It is like looking at someone who is - blurred? If you get what I mean?

Oh, and two people I learned to know on the dating platform (not romantically, not sexual, just friendly chatting with them) are on the spectrum as well. At least they were very open about it. And one of them has severe depression and I don't know how to help him. The other one is in a happy relationship and I actually understand him totally fine.

TL;DR: A crush I have has Aspergers. I think I've ruined everything with him. And two people I know have Aspergers. I am here to learn more about Aspergers and how to not ruin everything.
 
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You say you think you ruined everything? What happened? Did they say to you that it was all over, or are you assuming the worst? As for helping someone with depression, no amount of advice or help will fix someone. They have to be willing to help themselves. Be supportive where possible, but don't give so much you start taking from yourself.

Ed
 
Raggamuffin said:
You say you think you ruined everything? What happened? Did they say to you that it was all over, or are you assuming the worst? As for helping someone with depression, no amount of advice or help will fix someone. They have to be willing to help themselves. Be supportive where possible, but don't give so much you start taking from yourself.

Ed
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Well, with the two guys I write with, everything is fine. It is just the guy I have a crush on. I just assume he doesn't want to know me. I mean, we had great coitus, he kissed me all the time and it was very romantic (at least for me). But, well, he just left without saying goodbye. And he did invite me to the city he lives in when he drives home - but when I ask if he wants to take me with him, he said no, it wouldn't fit good enough. And something about he wanted to see me again when he is back in the city (he doesn't know when that will be) but I shouldn't expect more than that. I don't know, afterwards, we had a discussion and he got suddenly mad and blocked me. Wrote to me on my second phone number and I replied and since then, he doesn't write anymore.
 
fellinlove said:
Well, with the two guys I write with, everything is fine. It is just the guy I have a crush on. I just assume he doesn't want to know me. I mean, we had great coitus, he kissed me all the time and it was very romantic (at least for me). But, well, he just left without saying goodbye. And he did invite me to the city he lives in when he drives home - but when I ask if he wants to take me with him, he said no, it wouldn't fit good enough. And something about he wanted to see me again when he is back in the city (he doesn't know when that will be) but I shouldn't expect more than that. I don't know, afterwards, we had a discussion and he got suddenly mad and blocked me. Wrote to me on my second phone number and I replied and since then, he doesn't write anymore.
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Hiya fellinlove! Welcome to the forums!
I feel like it's going to be super difficult if not impossible to tell "what went wrong" without having something from his perspective..
From what you describe above, it sort of sounds like he's only interested in a friends with benefits sort of relationship, and perhaps he's ghosted you cause you've indicated you want more than that...? I dunno.. This is a lot of speculation already..
 
Let it go. As far as learning something from this situation, that's unlikely. Even if you get involved with a different guy with autism, each autistic is different. Some are unable to form deep romantic relationships, others are able, and maybe the guy you dated just didn't want to be in one with you.
 
Possibility - could have a family at home. Sounds like he's looking more for a 'fling for when he's there' and doesn't want you interfering with what he has at home.
 
Welcome to the forum, fellinlove.

As others said, let it go. It's difficult, I know... But he cut off the contact and nothing will come out of it unless he takes the step back. We may be able to help more if we have the context of the conversation that made him angry.

In general, sounds like a fling, not necessarily Aspergers-related. I'm sorry, it must be painful for you.
 
I just wanted to say thank you for the warm welcome. Nice to be here. And your advice is good - I should just forget him and get over him. But yeah, it is kind of hard. But yeah, I will get over him in near future anyway ^^ ... I'm just a little sad, it was so nice with him and he said I meant a lot to him, etc. and then wooooosh, he drops me like a hot potato ^^

But no worries, I have vanilla ice cream, great friends and a nice life. So I will get better - I am already getting better.

But thanks for the support. I am appreciating it.
 
fellinlove said:
But no worries, I have vanilla ice cream, great friends and a nice life. So I will get better - I am already getting better.
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That’s a great road to recovery if ever I saw one! I prefer potato chips over ice cream, but that’s a personal choice.

I hope you gain some useful information from this site to help you gain more insight for your future dealings with Aspies. And I hope you stick around! There’s always room for friendly people here, whether they’re on the spectrum or not.
 
Bolletje said:
That’s a great road to recovery if ever I saw one! I prefer potato chips over ice cream, but that’s a personal choice.
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Of course you do! Otherwise you wouldn't be the Potato Chip Wizard! You'd be the Ice Cream Wizard. :D
 
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