A realisation and frustration

[Suzanne]

I realised that I expect too much from others and that is why I am always let down. Logically, if I do not expect things from others, then I won't be hurt emotionally? I am on the road to that and finding somewhat relief.

Why is it that one speaks ridiculous things and gets laughs etc and then, when I answer a question explain a technical issue, I get a very lukewarm response?

If I want to ask a queston. I now do a little role play with myself and this seems to work. I tend to freeze up when I need to ask something, but due to the role play, I was able to be quite elequent with putting it across and recieved a warm response.

When I trip over words ie my mind goes blank, I actually see annoyance on people's faces ( yep, I read expressions too well now and it is grossily uncomfortable).

 

[Outdated]

If I want to ask a queston. I now do a little role play with myself and this seems to work. I tend to freeze up when I need to ask something, but due to the role play, I was able to be quite elequent with putting it across and recieved a warm response.

I didn't realise the extent to which I was doing this until I got my diagnosis. During testing they asked me if I used catalogue cards in my mind. I asked them what they meant by that and they said preprepared responses to expected questions and comments.

Yes I do, and I have tens of thousands of them, all thought out and rehearsed. Some people have commented to me over the years that if they hear me tell the same story a second time it is verbatim exactly the same as they first heard it. They probably didn't notice that all the facial expressions and hand gestures that go with the story are also an exact replica of the previous time.

I'm usually pretty good socially but every once in a while I get tripped up. Because I'm keeping up with the conversation and concentrating on responding quickly, if someone asks me something I wasn't prepared for honesty tumbles out of my mouth before I can stop it. Sometimes I make people laugh or sometimes they're quite shocked but behind my mask I'm usually quite horrified and embarrassed.

 

[Judge]

Why is it that one speaks ridiculous things and gets laughs etc and then, when I answer a question explain a technical issue, I get a very lukewarm response?

I suspect in such a technologically complex society, so few people have a real understanding of technology and feel quite vulnerable about it. Often to a point of where they don't even want to discuss it, let alone admit it. And while you may have adequately explained something in real time, the persons you are addressing may still not get it, and be too self-conscious to admit it based on their own intellectual deficits.

Something my own brother is guilty of and quite often. He seems "allergic" to much of anything I understand that he doesn't.

It's a social dynamic that doesn't exist with humor, when all one needs to do is to laugh to imply they understood a joke. Where with a more serious issue like technology, is to say nothing and hope the discussion moves in another direction.

Behaviors that I believe apply equally to both neurotypical and neurodiverse persons. In essence, NTs mask too.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I realised that I expect too much from others and that is why I am always let down. Logically, if I do not expect things from others, then I won't be hurt emotionally? I am on the road to that and finding somewhat relief.

Why is it that one speaks ridiculous things and gets laughs etc and then, when I answer a question explain a technical issue, I get a very lukewarm response?

If I want to ask a queston. I now do a little role play with myself and this seems to work. I tend to freeze up when I need to ask something, but due to the role play, I was able to be quite elequent with putting it across and recieved a warm response.

When I trip over words ie my mind goes blank, I actually see annoyance on people's faces ( yep, I read expressions too well now and it is grossily uncomfortable).

Part of your experience, and I can relate to this, is that you/we may be (1) interacting with the wrong people (intellectually) and/or (2) we are not understanding the context of the social interaction, or perhaps some combination. Your example above hit home, I have experienced this many, many times. I have little interest or understanding of the typical social experience, and in most cases, it involves people, their experiences, their lives. They want to express humor and laughter. They don't want reminders of reality. In fact, many people go to great lengths to escape reality in a variety of ways. So, here you/I come walking into this situation, and then tend to discuss things, facts, and ideas and this is not the proper context for these sorts of discussions. I am reinforcing these thoughts now, as I am typing this, but I know that I am guilty of this misunderstanding several times a week. Now, if I can only remind myself of this in real time, and perhaps either (1) keep my mouth shut or (2) make some attempt to meet them where they are at socially and intellectually.

With regards to your aphasia, and I do have this too, either the brain gets WAY ahead of my mouth and I start awkwardly jumbling words and thoughts, or two, I have that "tip-of-the-tongue" aphasia where I simply lose the words. #1. Have the humility to have some humor about it. Remove the awkward social situation, "break the ice", and poke a little fun at yourself, then simply move onto another related thought.

 

[Ken]

I realised that I expect too much from others and that is why I am always let down. Logically, if I do not expect things from others, then I won't be hurt emotionally? I am on the road to that and finding somewhat relief.

Why is it that one speaks ridiculous things and gets laughs etc and then, when I answer a question explain a technical issue, I get a very lukewarm response?

If I want to ask a queston. I now do a little role play with myself and this seems to work. I tend to freeze up when I need to ask something, but due to the role play, I was able to be quite elequent with putting it across and recieved a warm response.

When I trip over words ie my mind goes blank, I actually see annoyance on people's faces ( yep, I read expressions too well now and it is grossily uncomfortable).

Thank you for that. I have the same issue and I think I am learning to read expressions, but obviously I'm not very good at it. Still get the annoyance look - at best. Typically they get angry even when I am saying something very positive. Been this way for so long, I have just learned to expect it and try to just be quiet.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I realised that I expect too much from others and that is why I am always let down. Logically, if I do not expect things from others, then I won't be hurt emotionally? I am on the road to that and finding somewhat relief.

Why is it that one speaks ridiculous things and gets laughs etc and then, when I answer a question explain a technical issue, I get a very lukewarm response?

If I want to ask a queston. I now do a little role play with myself and this seems to work. I tend to freeze up when I need to ask something, but due to the role play, I was able to be quite elequent with putting it across and recieved a warm response.

When I trip over words ie my mind goes blank, I actually see annoyance on people's faces ( yep, I read expressions too well now and it is grossily uncomfortable).

I expect a lot too and people do let you down and I get very hurt too and over it. I only want to be treated with kindness and like I matter and feel like love exists and that I will have good in my life.
It is hard being autistic and have to feel wrong for feelings and overexplain everything you feel.
And also I do not understand at all how love and kindness are not supposed to exist and neither is constant feelings of a higher power. How negative is life supposed to be and how are you supposed to cope?
I believe there is good in life and ways to do well, how am I supposed to not?
If everyone's life is as hard as mine well how do they do it and...
So Negative
I do not believe in A God who would want this for everyone
It is supposed to help others

 

[Ken]

I realised that I expect too much from others and that is why I am always let down. Logically, if I do not expect things from others, then I won't be hurt emotionally? I am on the road to that and finding somewhat relief.

I guess a person's experiences sets their outlook. I never had support. As early in life as I can remember, I was always "defective" and wrong. Always a disappointment to my parents. Always in trouble for being "weird". Therefor, I have never thought to expect or desire any support from anyone. I have always felt the most comfortable being left alone. Situations, for example in school, I would find myself having no idea what to do or where I was supposed to go. These settings were terrifying to me and I would often meltdown in a state of panic. However, it rarely helped if someone came to help me, because more than not I was scolded, which just made my meltdown worse. If left alone I would eventually figure it out.

Why is it that one speaks ridiculous things and gets laughs etc and then, when I answer a question explain a technical issue, I get a very lukewarm response?

NT's have different communication rules that may autistic's do not have or, like myself, is blind to. Until just a few years ago, I had this same question. Upon learning about that difference, I now understand why that happens. It is called the 90 percent communications rule: 38% is tone, 55% is body language and 7% is the words. I am blind to and have little control over my tone and body language. An experiment with my wife is to write something I want to convey to her so she can read it without looking at me. Everytime, she gets it 100%. If I verbally tell her that same script, she doesn't get it and finds it offensive.