A Stranger in a Strange Land

[Neil the NT]

Hello to everyone who reads this.

I'm Neil, and I'm an NT.
Please forgive any confusing or imprecise language. I will happily clarify until you feel you understand, or you tell me you're sick of listening to me (or the equivalent).
I will ask an endless number of stupid questions.
I met an Aspie in a dating app. He is high functioning, and has Alexithmya. We have only communicated via various apps; we have not met in person.
All I do is frustrate him.
He thinks I am "stupid."
I read daily about Asperger's, autism, and the friction between our species. Species is a joke: he refers to himself as an alien. He has yet to tell me the name and location of your homeworld. I suspect an imminent invasion, but he will not confirm.
Reading is no longer enough. I need to talk to other people to help me see things differently, or more clearly, but especially to be more effective in our relationship. I don't want to frustrate him anymore than is unavoidable. Our nascent friendship is in great peril.

 

[Guppyfry]

Hi Neil, I'm an Aspie, and I'm probably as bemused and confused by your world as you are with ours - but I manage to fool most people, so no defcon 5 yet.

It would help if you had a specific question. I think your friend may lack tack, I would never come right out and call someone stupid, but the frustration is real. You meet someone that you feel you MIGHT be able to relate to, you are starved for some understanding, you have had enough to burst with the feeling of isolation and lack of understanding from others. Then your friend says something that drives home just how disparate and different you and him are, and you just want to scream and lash out in frustration. I've gotten to the point where I don't even try, I just choose to isolate myself, and try to beat back the loneliness.

I'm not sure what kind of talking you would like to hear, but stuff that may help is: Validate his experience,give him credit for the daily courage it takes to go out and function in the world, and understand that Aspies DO have emotions, and can develop concern, empathy, and caring, but we have much difficulty is expressing anything. It is like our life is bubbling and alive inside, and cannot pass through the barrier to show itself outside.

I've always felt that I had to pass from one state of energy to a different state of energy to interact with people, and the passing back and forth was exhausting.

 

[Elemental]

Hello. Hope you find some of what you're looking to learn.

 

[StephF]

Hello Neil,

I often hear Aspies referring to us or NT's as being a different species. Obviously we are not but to some, the communication difficulties twixt both parties makes it seem so.

The problem is that there is no such thing as a stereotypical Aspie or Autistic person. The famous Dr Tony Attwood once paraphrased the situation as "If you've met one Aspie, then you have met ONE Aspie".

We all have our gifts and our failings and it is difficult to suggest a way to communicate between Aspie's and NT's.

All I can suggest is hang around here and ask as many questions as you like. The only stupid question is the one you don't ask.

Welcome to the forums.

 

[StephF]

Oh and we aren't seeking to invade your world, we are eagerly awaiting the return of the mothership to take us off this crazy ball in space back to Aspie World.

 

[Catlover614]

I don't know what I can add, but welcome to AC. I hope you get some answers.

 

[Tom]

Hi & Welcome