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A Weird Question

KevinMao133

KevinMao133

Well-Known Member
This is a question pertaining to relationships

Why is it that when someone is quiet, people want to know more about them

The quieter someone is, the more others want to know about them

I don’t get it
 
Which is easier to read:

An open book?
Or a closed book?

A quiet person is more like a closed book,
so if a person wants to read the story they will
have to open the book.

Trying to get to know a very quiet person is sort of like
opening a book, in order to see the story.
 
KevinMao133 said:
The quieter someone is, the more others want to know about them. Or not at all.
Click to expand...

Fixed it. From my own perspective, that is.

When I go mute, about all people ask is "What's wrong?" And not much else. :rolleyes:
 
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There’s a huge difference between being quiet vs being withdrawn. It’s not the lack of noise that he/she is making. Opposites attract. The quiet/shy person is approached by the confident/outgoing person. Never the other way around. But it’s inevitable that everyone will meet someone during their lifetime (not necessarily a romantic partner).

The withdrawn person sits in the corner, dressed in black, and looking like they might commit suicide today. Nobody usually talks to her or him.
 
^^This^^

A quiet, Stoic, observing man sitting in the corner of a room alone is often a magnet for the confident/outgoing female. Curiosity, I suppose, maybe opposites attract, but could also be an "alpha" female looking for a partner.

There is a saying amongst men that the most dangerous person in the room is often the man who sits, observes, and just wants to be left alone. He could be the "alpha", so don't fool around and find out.
 
KevinMao133 said:
This is a question pertaining to relationships

Why is it that when someone is quiet, people want to know more about them

The quieter someone is, the more others want to know about them

I don’t get it
Click to expand...
Does it work like that? Because in my experience, being quiet means people don't want to know about me.
 
AspieChris said:
Body language speaks loudest. If you don’t seem confident, people will often ignore you.
Click to expand...
Or perhaps some of us simply don't want to be bothered.

Then again some people don't appreciate those who carry on incessantly in an overly loud and aggressive manner either. That "in the big picture" I think it depends more on specific circumstances than any generalities.

That there isn't "one answer fits all" social situations. And in other circumstances like business, where one is expected to respond in accordance with a consensus of opinions, you have to say something or risk the consequences.
 
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I am not sure what to say. I have waited my entire life to be ignored. But l don't feel like l need to be less then to be ignored.
 
Aspychata said:
I am not sure what to say. I have waited my entire life to be ignored. But l don't feel like l need to be less then to be ignored.
Click to expand...
Point taken. To be at the mercy of those who are attracted largely by only looks alone. After a while it must not be particularly flattering.

Which probably don't make for best of companions. Who can be counted on at a later date to make a trade-in on a newer model.
 
I prefer to be alone when I’m at work. But I’m really good at my job, so I attract coworkers like flies to raw meat. I really hate that I don’t often get a peaceful day at work.
 
As Christopher Hitchens once remarked (something along the lines of): If I stand silently staring out of a window I'm a gormless fool; but if I do the same while smoking a cigarette I'm enigmatic.

Being quiet can work for you or against you. It depends on the specifics.

But generally, yes, the response "Are you ok?" is common because people assume if you were ok you'd be interacting more. They don't automatically think that someone would be quiet by choice. I find it annoying. I think there are lots of social situations where I'm happy to just sit on the sidelines and watch events transpire (family gatherings for one). But instead, I'm just conscious that everyone else in the room is thinking to themselves: "Is he ok?" And that leads to: "Maybe I'll go talk to him because he'll feel better if he's talking to someone".
 
Misty Avich said:
Does it work like that? Because in my experience, being quiet means people don't want to know about me.
Click to expand...
@AspieChris hit the nail on the head twice. It's not that you're quiet, but rather how you are quiet.

If you are sitting by yourself out on the periphery of an active social group, are you head down, engaged in your phone, disengaged in what's going on in the room, perhaps not facing the group? OR Are you head up, facing the group, actively observing people, situationally aware, and following the conversations? If you are the former, then people are less likely to engage, and if they do, it might be to ask if you are OK, if everything is alright. On the other hand, if you are the later, some people will take an interest in you because you haven't put up your walls.
 
Neonatal RRT said:
@AspieChris hit the nail on the head twice. It's not that you're quiet, but rather how you are quiet.

If you are sitting by yourself out on the periphery of an active social group, are you head down, engaged in your phone, disengaged in what's going on in the room, perhaps not facing the group? OR Are you head up, facing the group, actively observing people, situationally aware, and following the conversations? If you are the former, then people are less likely to engage, and if they do, it might be to ask if you are OK, if everything is alright. On the other hand, if you are the later, some people will take an interest in you because you haven't put up your walls.
Click to expand...
Often the latter, as I make eye contact (I don't have trouble with that) and smile. But that doesn't draw people's interest much.
If it does, I welcome it, as I really like people.
 
Then again, in the context of a possible romantic connection and attraction to someone, how much of it is predicated on a more sophisticated type of analysis beyond baser instinct ?

When considerations and assessments of chemistry happen after the fact.

In other words, maybe the OP's question is being typically overthought in a room full of Aspies. ;)
 
tazz said:
As Christopher Hitchens once remarked (something along the lines of): If I stand silently staring out of a window I'm a gormless fool; but if I do the same while smoking a cigarette I'm enigmatic.

Being quiet can work for you or against you. It depends on the specifics.

But generally, yes, the response "Are you ok?" is common because people assume if you were ok you'd be interacting more. They don't automatically think that someone would be quiet by choice. I find it annoying. I think there are lots of social situations where I'm happy to just sit on the sidelines and watch events transpire (family gatherings for one). But instead, I'm just conscious that everyone else in the room is thinking to themselves: "Is he ok?" And that leads to: "Maybe I'll go talk to him because he'll feel better if he's talking to someone".
Click to expand...
I must be gormless—the very definition of a wallflower. I fade into invisibility unless I do something intentional to attract attention. That never works out well.
 
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