A Weird Relationship With Myself

[KevinMao133]

I’m extremely open minded when it comes to learning knowledge. I dig deep in intellect as well

That said, I have a weird relationship with myself as I’m close minded when it comes to people. I don’t know why but the older I get, the more withdrawn I am. I was never interested in socializing but now I barely go out anymore

I also have a hard time finding balance between working and relaxing. I’m extremely intense, I’m a perfectionist and I am controlling. It’s my way or the highway a lot of the time, even though I do it intuitively

I’m posting this because I’m wondering if others can relate. I’m rigid in terms of thinking and it take a while for me to absorb new information, that is if I want to

How to balance work and life, passion and relaxation?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Speaking from my personal experience, I have many special interests and a wife who I like to spend time with. At home, I flip back and forth between my quiet time (for example, right now on the computer), my many plants I spent time with (fertilizing this morning), I just started another batch of mushrooms, I watched a movie with my wife earlier today, we went out and did some errands, and later, will likely watch another movie and eat dinner together. Tomorrow, back to work for 12+ hrs at the hospital, teach at the university for the next three days, then work at the hospital for another 4 days through the weekend and into Monday, then back to the university to teach, on and on. I actually like being able to flip from one thing to the next and keep my mind occupied and busy.

Tip: One of the reasons I am a positive person is that I don't allow myself idle time to ruminate about things and wallow in negativity. I've got 3 boiling pots on the stove all the time, I've got things to do, and I don't have the mental energy to deal with negative people or thoughts. I just side step and keep moving forward, and that's how I maintain my mental health.

 

[SusanLR]

I’m extremely open minded when it comes to learning knowledge. I dig deep in intellect as well

That said, I have a weird relationship with myself as I’m close minded when it comes to people. I don’t know why but the older I get, the more withdrawn I am. I was never interested in socializing but now I barely go out anymore

I also have a hard time finding balance between working and relaxing. I’m extremely intense, I’m a perfectionist and I am controlling. It’s my way or the highway a lot of the time, even though I do it intuitively

I’m posting this because I’m wondering if others can relate. I’m rigid in terms of thinking and it take a while for me to absorb new information, that is if I want to

How to balance work and life, passion and relaxation?

Your traits sound much like mine.
The older I got, the more withdrawn I became too.
Now that I'm retired, I don't have to balance work. I do pretty much what I want, when I want as my body allows.

 

[Suzette]

Ken, I can certainly relate. My mother is very much like you describe. As a person who grew up with this perfectionism I learned to not take the criticisms peronally. I had to learn the most valueable lesson for my own sanity. That lesson is this:

Do you want to be right, or happy?

I think this can be helpful to you when you encounter all those messy, imprecise people in the world.

Being right, that ridgid thinking, is making you unhappy.

It will take work and mindful diligence on your part. You have to be willing to notice when your thoughts are critical and rigid in the moment the thought arrises. This will require going slowly and choosing. with deliberation, what you do or say.

Use "Do you want to be right, or happy" as a mantra to help you focus on what is really important in the moment, then act with deliberate intent.

 

[KevinMao133]

Your traits sound much like mine.
The older I got, the more withdrawn I became too.
Now that I'm retired, I don't have to balance work. I do pretty much what I want, when I want as my body allows.

I’m an old soul so at a young age I learned the importance of hard work. I had nothing so grinding is the only way to go

Anyways, my life was volatile before 2022, when I finally moved out of the house

Anyways, it feels good not having expectations and not having to worry what others do as well as think

 

[KevinMao133]

Ken, I can certainly relate. My mother is very much like you describe. As a person who grew up with this perfectionism I learned to not take the criticisms peronally. I had to learn the most valueable lesson for my own sanity. That lesson is this:

Do you want to be right, or happy?

I think this can be helpful to you when you encounter all those messy, imprecise people in the world.

Being right, that ridgid thinking, is making you unhappy.

It will take work and mindful diligence on your part. You have to be willing to notice when your thoughts are critical and rigid in the moment the thought arrises. This will require going slowly and choosing. with deliberation, what you do or say.

Use "Do you want to be right, or happy" as a mantra to help you focus on what is really important in the moment, then act with deliberate intent.

For the most part I’m happy but part of me wishes I can take the next step

While I’m happy being single, I don’t think I am prepared to be in a relationship. I never trained for it, never thought much of it and don’t know how to prepare

 

[stevens]

I’m extremely open minded when it comes to learning knowledge. I dig deep in intellect as well

That said, I have a weird relationship with myself as I’m close minded when it comes to people. I don’t know why but the older I get, the more withdrawn I am. I was never interested in socializing but now I barely go out anymore

I also have a hard time finding balance between working and relaxing. I’m extremely intense, I’m a perfectionist and I am controlling. It’s my way or the highway a lot of the time, even though I do it intuitively

I’m posting this because I’m wondering if others can relate. I’m rigid in terms of thinking and it take a while for me to absorb new information, that is if I want to

How to balance work and life, passion and relaxation?

(see post below; for some reason this posted before the rest)

 

[stevens]

I no longer view these characteristics and attitudes as a problem. They are an agreement I have with myself. I'm harder on myself sometimes, usually much harder than I am on others. I try to build skills and be better than I am, in the areas I am interested in. In every case I try to apply this constructively, working with myself to figure out the roadblock to improvement.

Socially I am disappointed and also incompetent by reason of disability. Since there is an excessively low limit to my ability which blocks improvement beyond a point, I always hoped my efforts to do the best I can would be recognized. In general, they have not been. I realize I have been annoying a lot of the time. And so, as in your case I am more avoidant of social interaction than ever. Age certainly has mediated this, as optimistic hope for change has decreased. It's not a choice to be self-reliant. It has been a necessity.

This relationship of pushing myself is as if there are at least two people involved, myself and myself. I derive a personal identity from being better and using the skills that I do have, even if they result in little or no recognition anymore. It gives a meaning to life. It takes practice to be a proper critic of oneself.

I too find a difficult balance between working and relaxing. Some work for me is pleasurable, so the line is blurred. I do wonder what will happen as I get older, and further disabilities intervene. One thing I don't expect is much help from others. I've tried to help others many times, and I don't regret this. I just know that it's not going to be recriprocal, in the end.