Being around other people scare me, tire me, make me feel really overwhelmed.
I don't like them, i can't feel like myself when i'm not alone. But i feel like i do need close relationships. And the other contradiction is that i do have one or two close friend but i don't want to talk them about my feelings or whatsoever, i just want to have fun with them.
-You guys have this feeling as well?
-You think this is normal for a person with low social skills?
Yes, and yes.
You don't have to be autistic either, in thinking this way. I hear this all the time at work.
"I love people, just in small doses."
My wife and I work in healthcare. Just dealing with people all-the-time does get mentally exhausting. My wife and I can have important conversations around the kids, money, work, the house, etc. On the other hand, we don't need to be talking all the time. We love spending time with each other, we are almost inseparable, but we don't need to be "flapping our lips" all the time. We both appreciate "quiet".
Your comments around social anxiety is a common autistic trait, and yes, this, in and of itself is mentally exhausting. If you have what is sometimes referred to as "mind blindness", a common autistic trait, then you often see people through the lens of their actions and statements, often without the perspective of why they were behaving a certain way. It leaves you somewhat socially naive, and anxious because you have a difficult time predicting intent and behaviors of others. Your fear centers are on high alert all the time, it's stressful, so our natural reaction to the stress is to engage in "avoidance" behaviors. This is a bit of a double-edged sword though. The more you socially avoid, the less social wisdom you accumulate over time.
"Mind blindness" is often pervasive. I have known my wife for 38 years. I have zero idea of what she is thinking. As I am writing this, it is a bit unsettling that I will never, ever, "know" my wife. All I have is my previous experience with her to sort of guide my interactions with her. Having said that, we have "proven ourselves" to each other. There is implicit trust. We don't engage in "fear-based controlling behaviors". We are both content with our relationship at this point.
Often times we have to figure out ways to "adapt and overcome". If you know you suffer from this "mind blindness", and have a difficult time "reading" people, then you have to force yourself to pause, ask clarifying questions, gather your information, then respond. This is a skill that does not come naturally, but by doing so, you can engage people in meaningful conversations that often form the foundations of friendships.
