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Abuse

N

Neivamyrmex

New Member
This is my fifth year as a house slave. During this time, I have been held by two different men. I am kept inside for months at a time. I have been kept from eating. I have been prevented from bathing. I have been informed that my only fulfillment in life now is to come from the performance of chores. I am no longer human.

Everyone who is supposed to help has turned their backs on me. The police called me a liar, even when they saw me bleeding. The district attorney's office treated me like I was an idiot. All of the agencies and resources that are supposed to assist abused women will do nothing but put me on waiting lists for years and tell me to call someone else.

I used to be beautiful and brilliant. I was going to get my PhD. I was a biologist. I was so happy, and I loved myself. I knew what it felt like to be alive. It was extraordinary, and I wanted to live forever. Now, I wake up everyday and I beg God to let it be over.

There is no way out. I'm ready to accept that now. I'm tired of suffering. I'm tired of knowing that this is all there is. I'm tired of watching videos on websites just so I can hear another human voice.

My abuser has a gun. It's loaded. He showed me when he threatened me with it. It's too late today. I don't know where he keeps it, and he'll be home soon. But Monday morning I will tear the house apart, and I will find it. I will make this end.

I'm writing this so people know that there's no one there. There needs to be someone there. I'm writing this so people know that the ones whose job it is to help are failing and full of apathy. They need to be held accountable for their failure. I'm writing this so people know that something needs to change. Death should not be the only alternative to abuse. And I'm writing this because I'm scared, and I'm very lonely, and I have no one to say goodbye to.
 
Neivamyrmex said:
This is my fifth year as a house slave. During this time, I have been held by two different men. I am kept inside for months at a time. I have been kept from eating. I have been prevented from bathing. I have been informed that my only fulfillment in life now is to come from the performance of chores. I am no longer human.

Everyone who is supposed to help has turned their backs on me. The police called me a liar, even when they saw me bleeding. The district attorney's office treated me like I was an idiot. All of the agencies and resources that are supposed to assist abused women will do nothing but put me on waiting lists for years and tell me to call someone else.

I used to be beautiful and brilliant. I was going to get my PhD. I was a biologist. I was so happy, and I loved myself. I knew what it felt like to be alive. It was extraordinary, and I wanted to live forever. Now, I wake up everyday and I beg God to let it be over.

There is no way out. I'm ready to accept that now. I'm tired of suffering. I'm tired of knowing that this is all there is. I'm tired of watching videos on websites just so I can hear another human voice.

My abuser has a gun. It's loaded. He showed me when he threatened me with it. It's too late today. I don't know where he keeps it, and he'll be home soon. But Monday morning I will tear the house apart, and I will find it. I will make this end.

I'm writing this so people know that there's no one there. There needs to be someone there. I'm writing this so people know that the ones whose job it is to help are failing and full of apathy. They need to be held accountable for their failure. I'm writing this so people know that something needs to change. Death should not be the only alternative to abuse. And I'm writing this because I'm scared, and I'm very lonely, and I have no one to say goodbye to.
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I am sorry that you are suffering in this way.

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I am so sorry to hear this. Is there any way you can leave? I know that the police are often confused and out of their depth with such situations. Is there a place you can go to? Sounds like you are very bright, and if you can find a way out, have great prospects. Even if they don't believe you, you know your situation, but how to escape? Please take care, this is so tough for you.
 
The police won't do anything. They wouldn't even take him in to psych for a few days when I had to call the ambulance for him. He'd poisoned himself to show me that if I didn't speak to him correctly then someone would die. I have so many stories about cops doing nothing.
 
You are way too young for your prospects to be finished, this is a bad time for you but you can get through it. Don't give up on yourself, the future can be better for you.
 
Those hotlines are supposed to help, and they really do try. Unfortunately, the only thing they can do is try to find resources in your city. Even neighboring towns won't help me. I've been told that I can only get assistance from an Omaha-based organization, and every organization in Omaha routes me to the Women's Center for Advancement. That is the only option here.

The Women's Center for Advancement is a scam operation. I have been on a waiting list there for years. They said it would be two weeks. They just take down people's information so it looks like they're doing something. Then they rake in the donations and do nothing. When I was insistent that they allow me to see a counselor after waiting two years, they harassed me and took actions that put my life in danger.

I called some numbers today as a last resort and the best advice they had for me was to run to a business, go up to complete strangers, and beg them for help. That is messed up.
 
As far as the Women's Center goes, when getting the run around I found moving up the chain can help. In other words when the person you are talking to says there is nothing they can do, ask to speak to their supervisor, or the supervisor's supervisor.

Keep at it whatever it takes. Don't allow them to not do their job. It make take some digging to get the right numbers and persistance, but persistance and not going away can work. Many organizations have an internal quality control. They can be useful also.
 
What sort of help are you wanting? Are you trying to get accommodation elsewhere? Do you have any contacts at all who may support you? I'm sorry this is so difficult , the picture is bleak in many places for effective help in situations of abuse, it's very hard to come up against these rejections.
 
From what I understand the WCA will take in anyone who is in danger from abuse. Go there, and stay until they give you a place to sleep.
 
I believe this. Sometimes society turns it's back on woman. We are the throwaways.
My ex told me to go to the police. He told me nobody would believe what l was saying. I left, but it was hard. You have to fight for your freedom. You have to find a way out. Please don't use violence towards yourself or him. Have you any relatives?
 
My ex had me totally enveloped in "learned helplessness" , l felt no matter what l did l couldn't change my situation. The more you say this to yourself, the more you believe it, it becomes your mantra. You have to hold on to some type of hope. You need to tell the right nonprofit organization that you are being held as a prisoner and threatened with death if you don't do what your told.

You have to let go of learned helplessness. I was beat down pretty bad everyday for at least 15 years. But l decided staying with my ex was a fate worse then death or living in poverty. I left to a different state far away from him. You have to pick up and leave somehow! But you need family or friend or nonprofit agency to help you. Or go to a church.
 
That's good, you really need some support, what you are going through seems very difficult. Well done for finding the lawyer, it sounds like you have had to really hang in there to achieve this. Keep letting us know how you are doing, at least you know we care. There was a case a little like yours in the recent news, it may help raise awareness.
 
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