ADHD and extreme social cravings?

[Misty Avich]

When I was a kid I seemed to have this fear of being alone, and every non-school day I'd have to see another child to play with otherwise I'd panic. I really don't know why. My siblings didn't count, although I did play with them, but I still aimed to either see at least one cousin or a friend from the neighbourhood, anybody as long as they were a child capable of playing with me. I seemed to hate playing on my own, although I did when I had no choice. But I remember genuinely craving a playdate of some sort, and I was lucky to have a lot of cousins around my age and other kids that lived in the neighbourhood to play with.
My teenage years were the worst because I no longer had friends to hang out with outside of school, and my cousins were getting older too and wanted to hang out with their own friends, so I felt abandoned and would often have meltdowns because the social isolation was too much to bear. I began just clinging to my mother and becoming a burden on her. Then when I was a young adult I became afraid of staying at home alone (while I was still unemployed), so I used to go out every day to do volunteer work, just to be with people and socialise. Snow would cause grief in my household because it meant I couldn't go on the bus to do my volunteering, but my family still had to go to work (as they worked locally) so I had to stay indoors on my own all day and it caused me to yell and shout and make out like it was my family's fault it was snowing.

But now I don't seem to mind being indoors all day at all. In fact it's the ideal life for me to not have to work and just be able to hide away from the world where I can feel safe. I enjoy chatting to colleagues at work and attending social gatherings but I seem phobic about going out in public alone unless I really have to. I can't even face getting buses any more.

But what was all that about when I was a child and adolescent? Sounds extremely unusual for an Aspie, but could it be ADHD that was making me crave social stimulation?

 

[FayetheAspie]

My response to not having other children to play with much while growing up was to daydream stories as though I did.

 

[Cutesie]

Not all Auties dislike relationships. It's the ability to do so appropriately that's often the issue. My brother, for example, can never get enough "friends". He collects phone numbers and pursues getting new ones relentlessly. He's almost gotten in serious trouble for stalking people.

While your childhood idiosyncracy - constantly needing new friends - could have been be ADHD-related, it sounds like it could have also been obsessive-compulsive. I'm writing as someone who is rather ignorant, but who has both features in my personality.

 

[avanaphia]

I had a very similar experience when I was a child and teenager as you did. I was very extroverted as a child and despite my lack of social skills, I managed to make quite a few friends. Like you, it what when I became a teenager it got harder. People seemed to be a lot more judgemental and have already formed their own groups.

I think it's easier to make friends when we're children since we have less expectations. For example I'd be playing in a park and walk up to another child that I don't know and our converesation would be something like "you like the colour blue? Me too! Let's go play." and it was that easy.

 

[Misty Avich]

I usually read about autistic children typically preferring to be alone, like not joining in activities like Easter egg hunts and preferring to just go at it alone. I wasn't that type. Whenever there was a chance I could be involved in a social activity I would be drawn to it without hesitation, and I'd enjoy it too. I remember building a snowman with my brother and his friends when I was about 5. We were all getting along so well that my mum left us unsupervised and went indoors to make a cup of coffee. Then we all started laughing when I accidentally knocked the head off the snowman. It was so funny.

I was both shy and extroverted, if that's possible. I could be shy around children I didn't know (unless they were friends of cousins or friends) and in the classroom.
But if I was playing at the beach or a waterpark or somewhere with my brother and sister and cousins, they'd somehow let a random kid play with us, but the random kid very seldom acknowledged me and secretly I'd rather they didn't join, as they were a stranger we'd never see again.
But if my brother's or sister's friends came over I'd want to join in their games even if I didn't know them well, and if I was at a cousin's house and their friends came over whom I didn't know I still remember chatting to them and enjoying their company.

In the classroom I was my most shyest, though I became the typical disruptive ADHD kid when put in smaller groups. When I was 10 the kids that needed extra help with math were taken to another classroom during maths sessions. I was in the group and there was about 8 of us, and although I didn't like math I still used to look forward to those sessions because I could be my hyperactive self more. It was so tiring when I was with the rest of the class (about 30 of us) because I suddenly found myself being really shy. I'm not sure if maybe I was naturally the shy type but my ADHD hyperactivity kind of showed another side to me, I don't know. I have both types of ADHD and was very hyperactive at home, especially when there were other kids there.
I wasn't exactly naughty or destructive but sometimes I'd find myself being yelled at by my aunts and uncles because my younger cousins would copy my hyperactive behaviour. I'd do things like suddenly leap up in the air excitably and start shouting erratically. My mum often sighed and said "I can't even begin to imagine how quiet her teachers claim she is in the classroom."

I remember my mum had to wheel my toy kitchen out of my bedroom when I was 8 because I kept playing with it really noisily, knocking pots and pans off and shouting excitably. Very, very hyperactive. Yet I turned into a nervous mouse as soon as I entered the classroom, although I was chatty when sitting around a table with the other girls.

 

[Misty Avich]

While your childhood idiosyncracy - constantly needing new friends - could have been be ADHD-related, it sounds like it could have also been obsessive-compulsive. I'm writing as someone who is rather ignorant, but who has both features in my personality.

Yes, I think it was obsessive-compulsive too. But the want was there too.

 

[Forest Cat]

I don't know but it's interesting because an ex of mine had, probably still has, ADHD and she had to have people around her all the time. From she was very young and into adulthood. It was like she was afraid of being alone or something. Very social, always on her way to meet someone somewhere. She brought people home to us the way people bring home stray cats. Like she wanted to keep them. I had to say no, we can't keep them, they have homes. It was something.

 

[FayetheAspie]

I don't know but it's interesting because an ex of mine had, probably still has, ADHD and she had to have people around her all the time. From she was very young and into adulthood. It was like she was afraid of being alone or something. Very social, always on her way to meet someone somewhere. She brought people home to us the way people bring home stray cats. Like she wanted to keep them. I had to say no, we can't keep them, they have homes. It was something.

I have ADHD and do not do that at all but perhaps Aspergers + OCD balance those features out.
Also my Mama and I are not really allowed to have friends in real life. My Dad is almost exclusively the one to invite someone over if they come and he monopolizes the conversations then. Part of my differences from other people with ADHD may be learned behavior. I don't know. I grew up spending a significant amount of time daydreaming about conversations, adventures, etc. with fictional characters sometimes invented in my own mind but often borrowed from TV series. I tend to fill the human interaction void in this way but sometimes it catches up to me and I will cry about it.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't know but it's interesting because an ex of mine had, probably still has, ADHD and she had to have people around her all the time. From she was very young and into adulthood. It was like she was afraid of being alone or something. Very social, always on her way to meet someone somewhere. She brought people home to us the way people bring home stray cats. Like she wanted to keep them. I had to say no, we can't keep them, they have homes. It was something.

Well I wasn't like that to that extent, but I still had to be with other children no matter what (I explained in a previous post about where and when I was shy).

If there was a day when we had no plans or and everyone was busy, my mum had to try and entertain me. I could play on my own sometimes, times when I accepted I wasn't going to be playing with others (like if I was off sick from school or it was evening or first thing in the morning, then I could just amuse myself with my toys or my imagination). But otherwise, during a weekend day or school holiday I would often want a playmate, and if that wasn't possible then my mum would entertain me like building Legos with me or colouring pictures or reading stories or doing puzzles together, anything to keep me occupied but socially interacting too.