Dryope
Active Member
Hi Everyone,
My therapist suggested I might be autistic, and after the initial suprise I dove the whole world of female aspie traits. I mentioned it to my mother, who said she had figured it out some time ago but didn't know how to tell me. I'm in my 30s. This puts my life in a whole new perspective, and I'm still coming to terms with what it means (or does not mean) for who I am. My therapist isn't qualified to diagnose me formally, though (he's a psychologist working for the US military, not an autism expert), so I'll pursue diagnosis when I get back Stateside.
For now, I'm torn between wanting to meet a community of other folks with ASD and feeling anxious whenever I have a direct connection with people. Just the thought of writing directly to people on message boards and getting a direct response makes me extremely anxious. And being ignored makes me feel depressed (!). Clearly I have a lot of baggage from growing up in "normal" society, and I'm looking for a safe place to grow.
I've tried the Reddit ASD communities and WrongPlanet, and I feel both have a lot of callous folks on them (though many who are great) and who make me feel shut down. I've heard this community is a little more gentle, so I'm hoping that this will work out better.
I've also had problems with other aspies I've met online lashing out at me because they have trust issues. I understand that, but it's still painful to be the lashee, since I trust very easily and get hurt just as easily. So I try to be kind and I'm worried that I try too hard at the expense of expressing myself honestly. (Yes, I have some BPD tendencies.)
Anyway, I think some of these issues of being true to yourself and fair to others are social problems that can be difficult for a lot of folks with ASD, not just me, so I'm looking here to learn more about that in particular.
Another thing I'm looking to understand is why I react to foods in such an unusual way, even for the notorious issues aspies tend to have with certain physical stimuli, such as foods. I have celiac disease but casein makes me sick for months if I have even trace amounts (it seems to cause inflammation in my small intestine and possibly leaky gut, leading to many awful symptoms every time I eat carbs for the next 8 weeks...and I'm underweight as it is). I'm very into science-based medicine and have been frustrated by the paucity of decent medical literature backing up my experiences (and my docs, including those at the Mayo Clinic, have been dismissive). What confuses me is that soy seems to affect me in a very positive way, like an anti-anxiety drug, something only a few studies suggest may be the case for mice, but which I have not heard other humans, including with ASD, claim anecdotally.
OK, I've just written a book here, but you can see where my issues are. If anyone has advice or similar experiences, I would be delighted to hear more.
And, hello!
My therapist suggested I might be autistic, and after the initial suprise I dove the whole world of female aspie traits. I mentioned it to my mother, who said she had figured it out some time ago but didn't know how to tell me. I'm in my 30s. This puts my life in a whole new perspective, and I'm still coming to terms with what it means (or does not mean) for who I am. My therapist isn't qualified to diagnose me formally, though (he's a psychologist working for the US military, not an autism expert), so I'll pursue diagnosis when I get back Stateside.
For now, I'm torn between wanting to meet a community of other folks with ASD and feeling anxious whenever I have a direct connection with people. Just the thought of writing directly to people on message boards and getting a direct response makes me extremely anxious. And being ignored makes me feel depressed (!). Clearly I have a lot of baggage from growing up in "normal" society, and I'm looking for a safe place to grow.
I've tried the Reddit ASD communities and WrongPlanet, and I feel both have a lot of callous folks on them (though many who are great) and who make me feel shut down. I've heard this community is a little more gentle, so I'm hoping that this will work out better.
I've also had problems with other aspies I've met online lashing out at me because they have trust issues. I understand that, but it's still painful to be the lashee, since I trust very easily and get hurt just as easily. So I try to be kind and I'm worried that I try too hard at the expense of expressing myself honestly. (Yes, I have some BPD tendencies.)
Anyway, I think some of these issues of being true to yourself and fair to others are social problems that can be difficult for a lot of folks with ASD, not just me, so I'm looking here to learn more about that in particular.
Another thing I'm looking to understand is why I react to foods in such an unusual way, even for the notorious issues aspies tend to have with certain physical stimuli, such as foods. I have celiac disease but casein makes me sick for months if I have even trace amounts (it seems to cause inflammation in my small intestine and possibly leaky gut, leading to many awful symptoms every time I eat carbs for the next 8 weeks...and I'm underweight as it is). I'm very into science-based medicine and have been frustrated by the paucity of decent medical literature backing up my experiences (and my docs, including those at the Mayo Clinic, have been dismissive). What confuses me is that soy seems to affect me in a very positive way, like an anti-anxiety drug, something only a few studies suggest may be the case for mice, but which I have not heard other humans, including with ASD, claim anecdotally.
OK, I've just written a book here, but you can see where my issues are. If anyone has advice or similar experiences, I would be delighted to hear more.
And, hello!
