Adult With Autism: Is more like a kid (Need some support)

[Rosie_Eagling]

So, I wanted to explain the situation with my 20 yr old family member.

She recently turned 20 and she is very sweet and kind. She has been diagnosed with Autism when she was a toddler and at 5 yrs of age was diagnosed with Mild Intellectual Disability (they called it a different word at that time). She's able to be verbal, and can get dressed herself. Intellectually she is about the age of an 8 yr old. In the face and height and weight she looks more like a 11-14 yr old to other people.

The biggest issue though is she does act very much like a child. She loves wearing those colorful tulle skirts, wearing the big JoJo Siwa hair bows, colorful long sleeve shirts with pictures of My Little Pony, Disney Princesses, and many pictures of shirts with animals or butterflies. She also loves colorful leggings with pictures. She loves to wear twinkle toe shoes and some of her likes are TV Shows such as: My Little Pony, Nella and the Princess Knight, Vampirina, Shimmer & Shine, Little Charmers, etc. She loves animal toys such as Littlest Pet Shop and Pokemon (lots of Sylveon), and stuffed animals. She also likes to jump, skip, and run around a lot and at times flaps her hands while running.

I am fine with the things she likes and is interested in. It's just some family members are making a really big deal about it or have harsh things to say. One family member says it makes her look Mexican (Which I really don't understand). Another family member thinks it's embarrassing, disgusting and thinks of her as a disgrace for liking these things. He has the most craziest of ideas why she may be dressing this way (another adult making videos of her on an adult website)- which is definitely not happening. Neither of these family members want her to dress this way or honestly see anything of color (yellows, pinks, light purples) on her at all. She also isn't really able to run, jump, or skip around while there. They also have a big dog and that has changed things at all. She is fine with little dogs but big dogs that have loud barks and jump all over you isn't something she likes. She loves all animals including this big dog but the loud barks/noises from the big dog and the jumping on her is a challenge.

This does make some challenges. These are the clothes she likes and feels really happy in. However, whenever she visits these two family members she has to end up wearing plain jeans and a plain top or a more teen/adult looking one if it has a picture- and definitely no bows. It just isn't really her since it looks to me that she has to pretend to be something she is not whenever she visits them, so the parent she lives with tries to avoid having her go. This causes another set of issues with these two family members thinking something is going on at the house when there isn't. The one family member becomes very rude and cruel if there is a missed call, or if she stays at home so it is very challenging.

While with the rest of the family I 'm not sure what they think. They never say anything if they are thinking something. The two family members don't want them to know she has Autism and Mild Intellectual Disability and the dad is keeping it a really big secret (for some odd reason)- which causes her to not get the typical services needed while growing up. Since my 20 yr old family member doesn't do any of the adult things (such as driving, and not having a job or knowing buses) she has to end up going with these two family members to see them- and again has to dress in clothes she doesn't like.

I do have another family member who is 13 and dresses this way (and also has Autism) but because of her age it's still considered okay with the two family members. They don't see her frequently though (distance reasoning).

I don't live nearby so I am not able to help out on a more personal level. I'm just wondering if anyone else has these types of issues- having to act more mature/adult or just having to act different, dress a certain way, etc when you are around certain people.

 

[Graphin]

People tell me I look and act much older my age, while that may be partially attributed to my thinking, it's mainly because of me trying to come off as normal - most of the issues stem from that. I never had anyone I was comfortable even trying to break such habits with, but it's surprising how simple things can totally break peoples social expectations. Seeming childish is what I would say one of the milder ways, though other things would maybe be e
I am not good in satisfying social expectations.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

It sounds like these 2 family members care more about their own prejudice than the autistic woman's wellbeing. Can it not be arranged so that she doesn't have to see them?

I can't say I have any similar experiences, but my aunt never really understood me and I have chosen not to see her since I was 14 because of how she reacted to me.

 

[Rosie_Eagling]

It sounds like these 2 family members care more about their own prejudice than the autistic woman's wellbeing. Can it not be arranged so that she doesn't have to see them?

I can't say I have any similar experiences, but my aunt never really understood me and I have chosen not to see her since I was 14 because of how she reacted to me.

That wouldn't be able to be possible. As the only reason her dad is living inside of a home is because of them both and since she lives with her dad- it just isn't possible. The one family member also tracks everything and anything done on the computers, phones, tablets, anything electronic basically at the house (and the reason is not because of concerns/worries). Nothing can be done about it because of the history between the two family members and the dad. As far as my 20 yr old family member- she's in a living situation of being around males and it's always been that way. If she isn't with her dad then it is with these two family members who are males. Her older brother lives with them and he thinks the same exact way.

If she were able to hang out and spend time with the other family members besides the dad and these two family members would be challenging. She doesn't know how to drive and wouldn't be able to handle going on a bus or train by herself (at least yet) and even if she were able to those family members would most likely tell the other two she visited and she wouldn't be able to say much without the possibility of them being told everything she talks about. The dad and the two family members also have it to where she doesn't have her own phone- and although she does have a mild intellectual disability with Autism she would be able to handle having a phone.

Also, considering how the dad hasn't had her in any school or any type of schooling at home since the age of 13-14 there is no friends or anyone she can hang out with/take her to see these other family members.

 

[china autie]

No schooling? Did he sign her out of school?

 

[Sarah S]

" First of all welkome to the forums dear "

She recently turned 20 and she is very sweet and kind. She has been diagnosed with Autism when she was a toddler and at 5 yrs of age was diagnosed with Mild Intellectual Disability (they called it a different word at that time). She's able to be verbal, and can get dressed herself. Intellectually she is about the age of an 8 yr old. In the face and height and weight she looks more like a 11-14 yr old to other people.

The biggest issue though is she does act very much like a child. She loves wearing those colorful tulle skirts, wearing the big JoJo Siwa hair bows, colorful long sleeve shirts with pictures of My Little Pony, Disney Princesses, and many pictures of shirts with animals or butterflies. She also loves colorful leggings with pictures. She loves to wear twinkle toe shoes and some of her likes are TV Shows such as: My Little Pony, Nella and the Princess Knight, Vampirina, Shimmer & Shine, Little Charmers, etc. She loves animal toys such as Littlest Pet Shop and Pokemon (lots of Sylveon), and stuffed animals. She also likes to jump, skip, and run around a lot and at times flaps her hands while running.

" Well since it is specified that her Intellectual age is indeed 8 id say thats perfectly expetcteble "

I am fine with the things she likes and is interested in. It's just some family members are making a really big deal about it or have harsh things to say. One family member says it makes her look Mexican (Which I really don't understand).

" If some family member have problems with this thats THEIR problem and not said person in question "

Another family member thinks it's embarrassing, disgusting and thinks of her as a disgrace for liking these things. He has the most craziest of ideas why she may be dressing this way (another adult making videos of her on an adult website)- which is definitely not happening. Neither of these family members want her to dress this way or honestly see anything of color (yellows, pinks, light purples) on her at all. She also isn't really able to run, jump, or skip around while there.

" Have you tried to explauin to this family mebers what both Mild intellectual disability & what said intellectual age of her is ? & also Autism ? "

They also have a big dog and that has changed things at all. She is fine with little dogs but big dogs that have loud barks and jump all over you isn't something she likes.

" Perfectly understandable and its said owners of the dog that are responsible to maintain their dogs behavior ( if they cant its better for her to NOT go there as it will actually risk she getting scared of dogs ) "

She loves all animals including this big dog but the loud barks/noises from the big dog and the jumping on her is a challenge.

" Again perfectly understandable (and same statement as above) "

This does make some challenges. These are the clothes she likes and feels really happy in.

" and therefore she should be ALLOWED to wear them "

However, whenever she visits these two family members she has to end up wearing plain jeans and a plain top or a more teen/adult looking one if it has a picture- and definitely no bows. It just isn't really her since it looks to me that she has to pretend to be something she is not whenever she visits them, so the parent she lives with tries to avoid having her go.

" i agree with her parents if it was my daughter you can be very shore i would make this very clear Either accept her as is or you dont need to see her at all & also offer to inform them about this particular diagnosis. "

This causes another set of issues with these two family members thinking something is going on at the house when there isn't.

" Thats there problems what they think "

The one family member becomes very rude and cruel if there is a missed call, or if she stays at home so it is very challenging.

" As i said better to cut that particular family member of if said person acts this way "

While with the rest of the family I 'm not sure what they think. They never say anything if they are thinking something.

" I would say they have accepted things as is and this is who she are as it should be "

The two family members don't want them to know she has Autism and Mild Intellectual Disability and the dad is keeping it a really big secret (for some odd reason)- which causes her to not get the typical services needed while growing up.

" You really should try to talk to her dad & explain that taking this route will only end up in disaster for both his daughter as well as him self and her mum "

Since my 20 yr old family member doesn't do any of the adult things (such as driving, and not having a job or knowing buses) she has to end up going with these two family members to see them- and again has to dress in clothes she doesn't like.

" This is NOT good and will defenetly risk of possible complications in her development & you really need to talk to her parents about this "

I do have another family member who is 13 and dresses this way (and also has Autism) but because of her age it's still considered okay with the two family members. They don't see her frequently though (distance reasoning).

" to me it sounds like said too family members is drawing a age line between still young child (ie 13 young teenager ) & in the other girls case she is a young adult that shouldent act or dress etc... in this way as she is indeed at the age of a young woman (again some gentle information reg both Autism and mild intellectual disability could possibly be beneficial & most defenetly needed "

I don't live nearby so I am not able to help out on a more personal level. I'm just wondering if anyone else has these types of issues- having to act more mature/adult or just having to act different, dress a certain way, etc when you are around certain people.

" Sadly yes and this is reg ALL of society its a part of become adult in this world & be able to be accepted and not stick out from the crowd and i can say that i cant either dress like i would like either on same basis as you're 20 year old young adult cant "

 

[Rosie_Eagling]

No schooling? Did he sign her out of school?

No. He just decided to just no longer take her. Never called the school to say he wasn't bringing her back.

 

[Graphin]

No. He just decided to just no longer take her. Never called the school to say he wasn't bringing her back.

they probably didn't miss her at all

 

[Sarah S]

Rosie_Eagling, post: 590098, member: 21784"]That wouldn't be able to be possible. As the only reason her dad is living inside of a home is because of them both and since she lives with her dad- it just isn't possible.

" Thats a hard nut to crack indeed "

The one family member also tracks everything and anything done on the computers, phones, tablets, anything electronic basically at the house (and the reason is not because of concerns/worries). Nothing can be done about it because of the history between the two family members and the dad.

" NOT good "

As far as my 20 yr old family member- she's in a living situation of being around males and it's always been that way. If she isn't with her dad then it is with these two family members who are males. Her older brother lives with them and he thinks the same exact way.

" Again REALLY NOT a good scenario "

If she were able to hang out and spend time with the other family members besides the dad and these two family members would be challenging. She doesn't know how to drive and wouldn't be able to handle going on a bus or train by herself (at least yet) and even if she were able to those family members would most likely tell the other two she visited and she wouldn't be able to say much without the possibility of them being told everything she talks about.

The dad and the two family members also have it to where she doesn't have her own phone- and although she does have a mild intellectual disability with Autism she would be able to handle having a phone.

" sounds to me they are trying to shield her from the reel world and hide her as well JUST as it used to be WAY back for children and later adults with this other similar diagnosis "

Also, considering how the dad hasn't had her in any school or any type of schooling at home since the age of 13-14 there is no friends or anyone she can hang out with/take her to see these other family members.

" All i can say is i sadly DONT see that many positive future prospects for this poor young adult and had it been my relative i would have to actually seriously conciser reporting this to the proper authorities WAY back as to me it sounds like actually child and now mentally challenged abuse. And i really PRAY that things gets better for this young woman soon but i fear things will go rapidly the other way as time goes on if someone dont stand up for this young woman's rights and need of proper care "

 

[Rosie_Eagling]

So, I wanted to explain the situation with my 20 yr old family member.

" First of all welkome to the forums dear "

She recently turned 20 and she is very sweet and kind. She has been diagnosed with Autism when she was a toddler and at 5 yrs of age was diagnosed with Mild Intellectual Disability (they called it a different word at that time). She's able to be verbal, and can get dressed herself. Intellectually she is about the age of an 8 yr old. In the face and height and weight she looks more like a 11-14 yr old to other people.

The biggest issue though is she does act very much like a child. She loves wearing those colorful tulle skirts, wearing the big JoJo Siwa hair bows, colorful long sleeve shirts with pictures of My Little Pony, Disney Princesses, and many pictures of shirts with animals or butterflies. She also loves colorful leggings with pictures. She loves to wear twinkle toe shoes and some of her likes are TV Shows such as: My Little Pony, Nella and the Princess Knight, Vampirina, Shimmer & Shine, Little Charmers, etc. She loves animal toys such as Littlest Pet Shop and Pokemon (lots of Sylveon), and stuffed animals. She also likes to jump, skip, and run around a lot and at times flaps her hands while running.

" Well since it is specified that her Intellectual age is indeed 8 id say thats perfectly expetcteble "

I am fine with the things she likes and is interested in. It's just some family members are making a really big deal about it or have harsh things to say. One family member says it makes her look Mexican (Which I really don't understand).

" If some family member have problems with this thats THEIR problem and not said person in question "

Another family member thinks it's embarrassing, disgusting and thinks of her as a disgrace for liking these things. He has the most craziest of ideas why she may be dressing this way (another adult making videos of her on an adult website)- which is definitely not happening. Neither of these family members want her to dress this way or honestly see anything of color (yellows, pinks, light purples) on her at all. She also isn't really able to run, jump, or skip around while there.

" Have you tried to explauin to this family mebers what both Mild intellectual disability & what said intellectual age of her is ? & also Autism ? "

They also have a big dog and that has changed things at all. She is fine with little dogs but big dogs that have loud barks and jump all over you isn't something she likes.

" Perfectly understandable and its said owners of the dog that are responsible to maintain their dogs behavior ( if they cant its better for her to NOT go there as it will actually risk she getting scared of dogs ) "

She loves all animals including this big dog but the loud barks/noises from the big dog and the jumping on her is a challenge.

" Again perfectly understandable (and same statement as above) "

This does make some challenges. These are the clothes she likes and feels really happy in.

" and therefore she should be ALLOWED to wear them "

However, whenever she visits these two family members she has to end up wearing plain jeans and a plain top or a more teen/adult looking one if it has a picture- and definitely no bows. It just isn't really her since it looks to me that she has to pretend to be something she is not whenever she visits them, so the parent she lives with tries to avoid having her go.

" i agree with her parents if it was my daughter you can be very shore i would make this very clear Either accept her as is or you dont need to see her at all & also offer to inform them about this particular diagnosis. "

This causes another set of issues with these two family members thinking something is going on at the house when there isn't.

" Thats there problems what they think "

The one family member becomes very rude and cruel if there is a missed call, or if she stays at home so it is very challenging.

" As i said better to cut that particular family member of if said person acts this way "

While with the rest of the family I 'm not sure what they think. They never say anything if they are thinking something.

" I would say they have accepted things as is and this is who she are as it should be "

The two family members don't want them to know she has Autism and Mild Intellectual Disability and the dad is keeping it a really big secret (for some odd reason)- which causes her to not get the typical services needed while growing up.

" You really should try to talk to her dad & explain that taking this route will only end up in disaster for both his daughter as well as him self and her mum "

Since my 20 yr old family member doesn't do any of the adult things (such as driving, and not having a job or knowing buses) she has to end up going with these two family members to see them- and again has to dress in clothes she doesn't like.

" This is NOT good and will defenetly risk of possible complications in her development & you really need to talk to her parents about this "

I do have another family member who is 13 and dresses this way (and also has Autism) but because of her age it's still considered okay with the two family members. They don't see her frequently though (distance reasoning).

" to me it sounds like said too family members is drawing a age line between still young child (ie 13 young teenager ) & in the other girls case she is a young adult that shouldent act or dress etc... in this way as she is indeed at the age of a young woman (again some gentle information reg both Autism and mild intellectual disability could possibly be beneficial & most defenetly needed "

I don't live nearby so I am not able to help out on a more personal level. I'm just wondering if anyone else has these types of issues- having to act more mature/adult or just having to act different, dress a certain way, etc when you are around certain people.

" Sadly yes and this is reg ALL of society its a part of become adult in this world & be able to be accepted and not stick out from the crowd and i can say that i cant either dress like i would like either on same basis as you're 20 year old young adult cant "

Thanks for the welcome.

Both of the family members are both aware of her Autism and Mild Intellectual disability. They are also aware of several of the foods she isn't able to eat. The one family member is her grandfather and he thinks of her as a disappointment and instead talks about all the other people beween ages 16-21 in the family that are out driving, having a job, own house, etc. The other family member is just very rude with many of the things he says. He sees her as a 20 yr old adult who needs toact like one- even though he knows she has the intellectual age of an 8 yr old.

The excuse used for the dog is that she is still a puppy (she's almost two). She's a new addition to the family (has been there for over a year now). She doesn't attack (but she jumps on others and is loud).

It would be impossible to not be able to be involved with this family member. He is the one- along with the other family member who is paying for her dad to live in an apartment. The dad and the two family members already have a very negative relationship, and doing this would make it even worse and the possibility of the family member stopping and result in her living on the streets- she would not be able to live with these two family members and the dad owns four cats.

There's no changing the mind of the dad. She doesn't have a mum. Considering legally, my family member (who is my cousin btw) is legally an adult now he will not be considered responsible for anything now. No one in the family has legal guardianship over her or anything like that so she is really out on her own. The father and the two family members know the town well and the law, mayor, etc will believe anything the dad and two family members say about her. There is no changing that. Since she hasn't been in school since the ages of 13 or 14 there isn't an academic history at all after that. The dad doesn't really see a point in her learning to drive and just won't show her how at all- and that will not change.

The two family members are strict on age limits for certain things. She lives/is around only male family members so that can be an issue and it's been this way ever since she was very little. The older brother can still like cartoons, and have a shirt with a picture or saying (not childish though) and they are fine with it. While with what she wears and the things she likes they believe it should have been stopped a long time ago. I don't think they care that she has the Mild Intellectual Disability or the Autism. They do know she does but they just don't care, they just think she should be more of a 20 yr old adult and just drop everything she wears and likes completely and switch over to adult only interests and dress like an adult. These two family members also believe she should be driving and have a job (and apparently without any services for adults with Autism or intellectual disability/ special needs). However, the older brother doesn't drive (he chose not to) and he doesn't work (his choice) and they do not treat him this way at all. Note: The older brother does not have a disability.

 

[Rosie_Eagling]

they probably didn't miss her at all

That's probably true. Considering the school never called/tried to get into contact with the dad.

 

[Reirei]

This just sounds like a terrible situation for her. I wish I had some advice that I could offer.

My only suggestion (and it doesn't sound like the father is open to it) but to help educate the family members who are not understanding.

 

[Sarah S]

Rosie_Eagling, post: 590124,

Thanks for the welcome.

" youre very welkome "

Both of the family members are both aware of her Autism and Mild Intellectual disability. They are also aware of several of the foods she isn't able to eat.

" Okey then thats step one BUT do they actually KNOW about what this actually means ? "

The one family member is her grandfather and he thinks of her as a disappointment and instead talks about all the other people beween ages 16-21 in the family that are out driving, having a job, own house, etc.

" I cind of guessed it would be an OLDER generation & as i said back in his days this how the mentally challenged and people like us (ie NPD diagnosis etc... ) was regarded and treated (incl back in my age span born 71) SO believe me i know its not easy but the rest of you family members really need to talk to him and try to educate him whats this is all about "

The other family member is just very rude with many of the things he says. He sees her as a 20 yr old adult who needs to act like one- even though he knows she has the intellectual age of an 8 yr old.

" Said other family member really need a good kick in is arse to be honest "

The excuse used for the dog is that she is still a puppy (she's almost two). She's a new addition to the family (has been there for over a year now). She doesn't attack (but she jumps on others and is loud).

" Well at the age of too (btw i have had problem / relocation dogs since MANY years ) the dog is in its wildest age (say around 3 -5 human years ) and during this time said dog needs to LEARN how to behave or the dog will risk of actually becoming whats known as problem dog .Oh i understand the dog isent after to heart her dear he /she just whant to play "

It would be impossible to not be able to be involved with this family member. He is the one- along with the other family member who is paying for her dad to live in an apartment.

" I understand and as said this is NOT good "

The dad and the two family members already have a very negative relationship, and doing this would make it even worse and the possibility of the family member stopping and result in her living on the streets- she would not be able to live with these two family members and the dad owns four cats.

" I compleatly understand and i agree this is NOT a good situation for either one of the involved "


There's no changing the mind of the dad. She doesn't have a mum. Considering legally, my family member (who is my cousin btw) is legally an adult now he will not be considered responsible for anything now. No one in the family has legal guardianship over her or anything like that so she is really out on her own.

" Yes sadly that ship has sailed as she is an adult now in the legal way "

Since i dont know wich country i cant really state to mush BUT if there was some way for her to be able to get help from the authorities you the other family members should try to get her help ASAP living under current living conditions will only go one way for her and thats NOT good im afraid "

The father and the two family members know the town well and the law, mayor, etc will believe anything the dad and two family members say about her. There is no changing that.

" I understand i dont suppose theres some other of you family members that can offer her a temp home while you try to get her some proper help ? Her dad CANT legally keep her with him"

Since she hasn't been in school since the ages of 13 or 14 there isn't an academic history at all after that. The dad doesn't really see a point in her learning to drive and just won't show her how at all- and that will not change.

" Yes well i did go to school but lets just say the result isent good at ALL and NOTHING to built on , and sadly with her handicap and so on im afraid NOT good ods on getting a job "

The two family members are strict on age limits for certain things. She lives/is around only male family members so that can be an issue and it's been this way ever since she was very little.

" It sounds to me they might be living in the famous bible belt in USA to be honest ,I agree NOT good for her in one slightest bit "

The older brother can still like cartoons, and have a shirt with a picture or saying (not childish though) and they are fine with it. While with what she wears and the things she likes they believe it should have been stopped a long time ago. I don't think they care that she has the Mild Intellectual Disability or the Autism. They do know she does but they just don't care, they just think she should be more of a 20 yr old adult and just drop everything she wears and likes completely and switch over to adult only interests and dress like an adult.

" yes agree they just dont give darn abou her actual diagnosis & handicaps "

These two family members also believe she should be driving and have a job (and apparently without any services for adults with Autism or intellectual disability/ special needs).

" I would sadly have to agree with you "

However, the older brother doesn't drive (he chose not to) and he doesn't work (his choice) and they do not treat him this way at all. Note: The older brother does not have a disability.

" Well as i said in their eyes he is a MAN and she is a woman and all all us wimen are just week creatures not worthy nor capable to take care of our self & needs to be takend care of and supervised under them as they are indeed the MEN And wimen are the weaker sex ( rolling eyes ) "

Clarification im NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE or FORM standing for this above statement nor do i take their side

 

[Jenisautistic]

I have autism and I have been recently classified as intellectually disabled through a series of tests including an Iq Tests I also like were in the JoJo Siwa bows I like Doc McStuffins anything Disney PBS Kids shows fancy Nancy .

It’s strange I am recently been turned 20 as well in August.

I also look young for my age .

 

[Jenisautistic]

These are some pictures of me in my type of style .

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

No. He just decided to just no longer take her. Never called the school to say he wasn't bringing her back.

What country is this, isn't that illegal?

 

[Jenisautistic]

Rosie_Eagling, post: 590124,

Thanks for the welcome.

" youre very welkome "

Both of the family members are both aware of her Autism and Mild Intellectual disability. They are also aware of several of the foods she isn't able to eat.

" Okey then thats step one BUT do they actually KNOW about what this actually means ? "

The one family member is her grandfather and he thinks of her as a disappointment and instead talks about all the other people beween ages 16-21 in the family that are out driving, having a job, own house, etc.

" I cind of guessed it would be an OLDER generation & as i said back in his days this how the mentally challenged and people like us (ie NPD diagnosis etc... ) was regarded and treated (incl back in my age span born 71) SO believe me i know its not easy but the rest of you family members really need to talk to him and try to educate him whats this is all about "

The other family member is just very rude with many of the things he says. He sees her as a 20 yr old adult who needs to act like one- even though he knows she has the intellectual age of an 8 yr old.

" Said other family member really need a good kick in is arse to be honest "

The excuse used for the dog is that she is still a puppy (she's almost two). She's a new addition to the family (has been there for over a year now). She doesn't attack (but she jumps on others and is loud).

" Well at the age of too (btw i have had problem / relocation dogs since MANY years ) the dog is in its wildest age (say around 3 -5 human years ) and during this time said dog needs to LEARN how to behave or the dog will risk of actually becoming whats known as problem dog .Oh i understand the dog isent after to heart her dear he /she just whant to play "

It would be impossible to not be able to be involved with this family member. He is the one- along with the other family member who is paying for her dad to live in an apartment.

" I understand and as said this is NOT good "

The dad and the two family members already have a very negative relationship, and doing this would make it even worse and the possibility of the family member stopping and result in her living on the streets- she would not be able to live with these two family members and the dad owns four cats.

" I compleatly understand and i agree this is NOT a good situation for either one of the involved "


There's no changing the mind of the dad. She doesn't have a mum. Considering legally, my family member (who is my cousin btw) is legally an adult now he will not be considered responsible for anything now. No one in the family has legal guardianship over her or anything like that so she is really out on her own.

" Yes sadly that ship has sailed as she is an adult now in the legal way "

Since i dont know wich country i cant really state to mush BUT if there was some way for her to be able to get help from the authorities you the other family members should try to get her help ASAP living under current living conditions will only go one way for her and thats NOT good im afraid "

The father and the two family members know the town well and the law, mayor, etc will believe anything the dad and two family members say about her. There is no changing that.

" I understand i dont suppose theres some other of you family members that can offer her a temp home while you try to get her some proper help ? Her dad CANT legally keep her with him"

Since she hasn't been in school since the ages of 13 or 14 there isn't an academic history at all after that. The dad doesn't really see a point in her learning to drive and just won't show her how at all- and that will not change.

" Yes well i did go to school but lets just say the result isent good at ALL and NOTHING to built on , and sadly with her handicap and so on im afraid NOT good ods on getting a job "

The two family members are strict on age limits for certain things. She lives/is around only male family members so that can be an issue and it's been this way ever since she was very little.

" It sounds to me they might be living in the famous bible belt in USA to be honest ,I agree NOT good for her in one slightest bit "

The older brother can still like cartoons, and have a shirt with a picture or saying (not childish though) and they are fine with it. While with what she wears and the things she likes they believe it should have been stopped a long time ago. I don't think they care that she has the Mild Intellectual Disability or the Autism. They do know she does but they just don't care, they just think she should be more of a 20 yr old adult and just drop everything she wears and likes completely and switch over to adult only interests and dress like an adult.

" yes agree they just dont give darn abou her actual diagnosis & handicaps "

These two family members also believe she should be driving and have a job (and apparently without any services for adults with Autism or intellectual disability/ special needs).

" I would sadly have to agree with you "

However, the older brother doesn't drive (he chose not to) and he doesn't work (his choice) and they do not treat him this way at all. Note: The older brother does not have a disability.

" Well as i said in their eyes he is a MAN and she is a woman and all all us wimen are just week creatures not worthy nor capable to take care of our self & needs to be takend care of and supervised under them as they are indeed the MEN And wimen are the weaker sex ( rolling eyes ) "

Clarification im NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE or FORM standing for this above statement nor do i take their side

I agree ignorance is awful . I believe that you should be comfortable in your own skin. And being with you express yourself anyway you want.

I come by in the group of friends of the various developmental and intellectual disabilities we all have different ways of contributing to the world and that’s OK .

We all have abilities and talent somewhere we just have to find them in ourselves . And people need to realize their ability and not our disability.

We need mentors advisers and teachers and special people in our lives to help us understand who we are and how to help the world be a better place .

 

[Rosie_Eagling]

Rosie_Eagling, post: 590124,

Thanks for the welcome.

" youre very welkome "

Both of the family members are both aware of her Autism and Mild Intellectual disability. They are also aware of several of the foods she isn't able to eat.

" Okey then thats step one BUT do they actually KNOW about what this actually means ? "

The one family member is her grandfather and he thinks of her as a disappointment and instead talks about all the other people beween ages 16-21 in the family that are out driving, having a job, own house, etc.

" I cind of guessed it would be an OLDER generation & as i said back in his days this how the mentally challenged and people like us (ie NPD diagnosis etc... ) was regarded and treated (incl back in my age span born 71) SO believe me i know its not easy but the rest of you family members really need to talk to him and try to educate him whats this is all about "

The other family member is just very rude with many of the things he says. He sees her as a 20 yr old adult who needs to act like one- even though he knows she has the intellectual age of an 8 yr old.

" Said other family member really need a good kick in is arse to be honest "

The excuse used for the dog is that she is still a puppy (she's almost two). She's a new addition to the family (has been there for over a year now). She doesn't attack (but she jumps on others and is loud).

" Well at the age of too (btw i have had problem / relocation dogs since MANY years ) the dog is in its wildest age (say around 3 -5 human years ) and during this time said dog needs to LEARN how to behave or the dog will risk of actually becoming whats known as problem dog .Oh i understand the dog isent after to heart her dear he /she just whant to play "

It would be impossible to not be able to be involved with this family member. He is the one- along with the other family member who is paying for her dad to live in an apartment.

" I understand and as said this is NOT good "

The dad and the two family members already have a very negative relationship, and doing this would make it even worse and the possibility of the family member stopping and result in her living on the streets- she would not be able to live with these two family members and the dad owns four cats.

" I compleatly understand and i agree this is NOT a good situation for either one of the involved "


There's no changing the mind of the dad. She doesn't have a mum. Considering legally, my family member (who is my cousin btw) is legally an adult now he will not be considered responsible for anything now. No one in the family has legal guardianship over her or anything like that so she is really out on her own.

" Yes sadly that ship has sailed as she is an adult now in the legal way "

Since i dont know wich country i cant really state to mush BUT if there was some way for her to be able to get help from the authorities you the other family members should try to get her help ASAP living under current living conditions will only go one way for her and thats NOT good im afraid "

The father and the two family members know the town well and the law, mayor, etc will believe anything the dad and two family members say about her. There is no changing that.

" I understand i dont suppose theres some other of you family members that can offer her a temp home while you try to get her some proper help ? Her dad CANT legally keep her with him"

Since she hasn't been in school since the ages of 13 or 14 there isn't an academic history at all after that. The dad doesn't really see a point in her learning to drive and just won't show her how at all- and that will not change.

" Yes well i did go to school but lets just say the result isent good at ALL and NOTHING to built on , and sadly with her handicap and so on im afraid NOT good ods on getting a job "

The two family members are strict on age limits for certain things. She lives/is around only male family members so that can be an issue and it's been this way ever since she was very little.

" It sounds to me they might be living in the famous bible belt in USA to be honest ,I agree NOT good for her in one slightest bit "

The older brother can still like cartoons, and have a shirt with a picture or saying (not childish though) and they are fine with it. While with what she wears and the things she likes they believe it should have been stopped a long time ago. I don't think they care that she has the Mild Intellectual Disability or the Autism. They do know she does but they just don't care, they just think she should be more of a 20 yr old adult and just drop everything she wears and likes completely and switch over to adult only interests and dress like an adult.

" yes agree they just dont give darn abou her actual diagnosis & handicaps "

These two family members also believe she should be driving and have a job (and apparently without any services for adults with Autism or intellectual disability/ special needs).

" I would sadly have to agree with you "

However, the older brother doesn't drive (he chose not to) and he doesn't work (his choice) and they do not treat him this way at all. Note: The older brother does not have a disability.

" Well as i said in their eyes he is a MAN and she is a woman and all all us wimen are just week creatures not worthy nor capable to take care of our self & needs to be takend care of and supervised under them as they are indeed the MEN And wimen are the weaker sex ( rolling eyes ) "

Clarification im NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE or FORM standing for this above statement nor do i take their side

They both do understand disabilities (at least when it comes to other people). The one family member (the grandfather) has attended things such as dinners supporting a special needs organisation. While the other one used to work with those with disabilities such as Autism. They are aware of what disabilities such as Autism are and is kind to other people who have disabilities. The only thing they don't like is when someone (an adult or someone 15+) acts like a child, looks like a child, likes TV shows meant for kids, etc.

Much probably won't be done about the way the dog behaves. One day she was chewing and taking sticks in the yard and they were taken from her from the one family member and the other one ends up taking a giant piece of a branch off of the tree and giving it to her. So one person may try to do something but then it fails once someone does something to mess that up- such as the other family member giving her the branch.

The issue is if she just magically showed up at the house of another family member which would be impossible due to her not knowing where any of them live they would instantly call the two family members (not the dad) and told them what happened and that would basically end up them coming and taking her back.

It would be a big challenge going to the authorities about any of this. There are no signs of her being physically abused, sexually abused, or physically noticeable neglect (she get physically abused and neglected at one point point but was only 3-5 yrs old and was nonverbal with Autism at the time- so not able to speak for herself then). There's another issue that a family member has done, and considering the story he is going to be the one that is believed. Nobody is going to talk to her because she would be viewed as a little kid to them, and she is a very kind, sweet person and always been this way so even with all this she is still so nice to everyone.Also, if she is viewed by authorities as having the mind of a child- they may ask the adult who cares for her and would end up believe him. When she wasn't in school (since the age 13-14) the dad had "claimed" (not sure if true) that a person from the police station did come and ask if she was in school and he claimed she was home schooled- which is a complete lie. She was never asked by this "supposed" police officer and she wasn't even home that day (she was at the house of the other two family members that day). If they would have asked her or looked into it further they would have found out he was lying. Unfortunately, the family is well known in the town, in the eyes of the public they are viewed as good, generous and caring people but it's a different story in the inside of the home. Basically no one even the law enforcement in the area would believe they would act this way. In the past whenever the small chance she was asked something (at school, with other family members) someone (the two family members or the dad) was always right next to her so that isn't very helpful.

We do not live there.

 

[Sarah S]

"Rosie_Eagling, post:

They both do understand disabilities. The one family member (the grandfather) has attended things such as dinners supporting a special needs organisation. While the other one used to work with those with disabilities such as Autism. They are aware of what disabilities such as Autism are and is kind to other people who have disabilities. The only thing they don't like is when someone (an adult or someone 15+) acts like a child, looks like a child, likes TV shows meant for kids, etc.

" Well from my point of view its scary that they actually have worked with people with this diagnosis based on how they choose to treat this young woman"

Much probably won't be done about the way the dog behaves. One day she was chewing and taking sticks in the yard and they were taken from her from the one family member and the other one ends up taking a giant piece of a branch off of the tree and giving it to her. So one person may try to do something but then it fails once someone does something to mess that up- such as the other family member giving her the branch.

" Yes well they just wait until the dog have reached adult age (i actually took care of a dog just like that (Mix breed 50 % Ovsharca (VERY BIG Russian breed and VERY tough) / German Shepard /Doberman 2 years old and 0 upbringing from puppy so yeah (Yes i got the dog to be a VERY good dog thru ALLOT of hard work and help from a professional dog trainer but sadly due t i couldn't give him what he needed (ie more active life ) i had no choice then to return him to the dog shelter (he soon aftergot picked up from a professional wild predator tracker and they were VERY satisfied with him "
The issue is if she just magically showed up at the house of another family member which would be impossible due to her not knowing where any of them live they would instantly call the two family members (not the dad) and told them what happened and that would basically end up them coming and taking her back.

" i was of course referring to voluntary moving were all parties agreed but i do understand youre point "

It would be a big challenge going to the authorities about any of this. There are no signs of her being physically abused, sexually abused, or physically noticeable neglect.

" I understand i was more thinning of mental witch i agree is harder to prove "

An issue did happen years ago in which someone in the family ended up causing several small wounds on her arms and legs while forcing her down- so this family member could very well easily said she did it herself- which is NOT TRUE.She was around 14-16 yrs old at the time. Also, if she is viewed by authorities as having the mind of a child- they may ask the adult who cares for her and would end up believe him. When she wasn't in school (since the age 13-14) the dad had "claimed" (not sure if true) that a person from the police station did come and ask if she was in school and he claimed she was home schooled- which is a complete lie. She was never asked by this "supposed" police officer and she wasn't even home that day (she was at the house of the other two family members that day). If they would have asked her or looked into it further they would have found out he was lying. Unfortunately, the family is well known in the town, in the eyes of the public they are viewed as good, generous and caring people but it's a different story in the inside of the home. Basically no one even the law enforcement in the area would believe they would act this way. In the past whenever the small chance she was asked something (at school, with other family members) someone (the two family members or the dad) was always right next to her so that isn't very helpful.

" Yes it sounds again to me like a smaller old stile community were she lives "

We do not live there.

" Oh i understand that never meant it to sound like you did dear "

" Again what you the other family members should do is try to talk to her dad and said other current living family members around this young woman and try to make them understand that this is NOT going to end well for the young woman. Fore example what happens when said grandfather leaves this earth what then ? Based on youre statements reg her life and disablitys she dont stand a living chance in RL as is "

CLARIFICATION in NO way shape or form am trying to blame you for any this Rosie . Its just meant to be supportive and hopefully helpful advice and my own feelings reg this subject.

 

[Fino]

"Having to act different" is what I call "going outside"!