Advice from aspies with no experience?

[Christy]

I've been noticing a behaviour on AC which I don't understand and would like to start a discussion around the possible motives and what is hoped to be accomplished by the behaviour.

I've come across time and time again where people provide advice on topics that they would appear to have no experience in. For example, career advice from people who've never worked, relationship advice from people who've never had a relationship, stimming advice from people who don't have physical stims...

At the end of the day, it is up to the person asking for the advice to decide what advice is valuable so I'm not passing judgement, but I am curious as to why these people think their advice (which I assume is more akin to good ideas than experience) would be any more helpful than what the person has come up with themself. Surely if they're on an aspie forum asking questions, they are assuming they are asking people who've experienced their particular issue, but often this is not the case. And often, the "good ideas" drown out the advice from those that do have experience on their side.

It intrigues me that these people don't include any kind of disclaimer explaining their background, and it is only over time that I've come to learn their lack of experience in that situation. So the receiver of the advice would have no clue.

Is it to be "nice" or "helpful"? Because to me that would be counter intuitive. Not long after joining AC I asked for career advice and received two conflicting responses; one saying to cut my losses and leave as ultimately I'll be more happy, and the other building up my self esteem to say I can accomplish anything I put my mind to so I should stick it out. Later I discovered the first had been faced with my situation some years earlier and had taken their own advice and were now happy/ier. The other despite being my age had only ever had one job which lasted just a few months before they were fired. Was he just trying to be nice?? Because the result was very unhelpful to me. But this is only one in a long line of examples.

So why do people provide advice on issues they have no experience in?

 

[Athelstan]

Maybe it has something to do with this?

Characteristics of Asperger Syndrome | Autism Society of Edmonton Area

• May be able to describe the correct response to a conflict situation, but have no ability to apply the knowledge to their situation.

 

[Cali Cat]

I don't know why. Perhaps they feel the need to express what they'd do in a similar situation, and assuming their opinions are just as valid as actual experience?

 

[wyverary]

It's not necessarily the case (in my opinion) that advice from someone who has not been in that situation is inherently useless. Sometimes it helps to get an outsider perspective, if for no other reason than to at least put some ideas out there for others to discuss and mull through. Advice is just that...Advice. Myself, if I am way off base, I like that to be pointed out. Not to make it about me, but perhaps to learn something myself. And sometimes someone who hasn't been in that situation might still have a few good insights into human behavior/thought patterns that can reasonably be apllied, while still taking it with a grain of salt.

 

[Athelstan]

For what it's worth, I myself am very capable of giving sound, outstanding advice, but I have little ability to take my own advice.

Do as I say, not as I do "ain't no joke" with me.

 

[Athelstan]

For what it's worth, I myself am very capable of giving sound, outstanding advice, but I have little ability to take my own advice.

Do as I say, not as I do "ain't no joke" with me.

 

[Christy]

I don't disagree with what you're saying, people's thoughts can add to the discussion and help promote discussion and effectively brainstorm solutions. I agree.

However, I've seen where people don't provide any kind of indication of if their advice is from experience and they talk with such authority that it sounds like they are the authority on the topic. With that confidence, the OP is drawn to that advice, ignoring the experience driven opinions offered up in comparison.

To talk with such authority without clarifying their background seems almost disceptive to me (yes, my opinion only). I've even seen where experience driven advice is actively dismissed in favour of these good ideas just because they sound more authoritative and they haven't declared their background in the topic. I just don't understand, if they're trying to be helpful, surely this would be the opposite?

 

[Judge]

I just look at such things from a standpoint of protocol. That if I request free advice, it is always going to be incumbent on myself to filter out that which doesn't ultimately serve me. Not the person giving the advice.

I agree though, it would be helpful if one would pause and consider the advice they give before actually posting it. I suspect many people view offering help whether they have experience or not as an aspect of support and goodwill. An act of kindness, whether misguided or not. After all, most of us likely construe this domain as a "support" website. Support and goodwill- free of cost.

Conversely if you truly seek critical professional advice, expect to pay for it elsewhere.

Caveat Emptor- Buyer beware.

 

[Cali Cat]

However, I've seen where people don't provide any kind of indication of if their advice is from experience and they talk with such authority that it sounds like they are the authority on the topic ... To talk with such authority without clarifying their background seems almost disceptive to me (yes, my opinion only).

Some people are just that way. I have a few people in my life who speak with great authority and can make you believe they've had experience in every subject. They are so confident they are right that the listener naturally believes the advice comes from experience. I don't think people are like this to be purposefully deceptive though. I think it's just part of their personality to appear to be an authority, for better or worse.

 

[Christy]

So because a person is oblivious to the consequence of how they are perceived, it is okay for them to continue in the behaviour of speaking as though they are the authority on the topic? Surely "Buyer beware" is not enough to absolve a person of the consequence of providing advice which is misleading.

Granted this is the internet, and you can't belive everything you read on the Internet! But this is also an aspie forum full of people whom I assume want to be helpful and learn from each other. Just accepting this behaviour does not help any confused people coming here for advice. I guess that's what confuses me, the very people that are trying to help are (in my opinion) the very ones complicating the problem by adding red herrings to the mix.

 

[Gomendosi]

I myself have seen similar on this site and can only surmise that as Aspies ,we have observed a lot from an outsiders perspective and relay information in a matter of fact way that can come across as knowing what you are talking about from a firsthand account, the trouble is that appearing to be an authority on a subject can lead people into thinking the advice we provide is sound when it is tenuous at best, like a person asking how to deal with a snake and an Aspie suggesting you pick it up as he has seen it done many times, turns out he watched a documentary when he was seven.

I jest, but the truth is that if you ask for advice and an inexperienced person tells you that “this is what you should do”, it tends to grate when you realize it isn’t from a background of any kind of personal event, also, such an authoritative tone tends to make other responders less keen to add their thoughts even if their advice would have been from personal experience, because they may make the decision that what has been said already is enough, simply because of the way it was said/ written.

Another factor could be that as this is an Aspies site, so some may be of the opinion that as this site is apparently for them, their opinion is most relevant and should be heard, if not here then where, not realizing that people do come here for advice from people who may be in similar circumstances and not just every Tom, Dick & Harry with an opinion.
I personally try not to muddy the water for anybody seeking genuine assistance, if I see that sort of question posed I try to think first if I have a relatable experience to draw from to provide sound advice, or I just don’t post to the thread as I know it does not make me any more cool to have 11 billion ‘likes’ to the detriment of the OP being given advice that may not be relevant.
I also have the second option, wherein I reply that I have no experience in the field but this is my suggestions anyway, at that point the OP can assess and either dismiss or appreciate my input as they see fit.

 

[Ylva]

I don't think I've ever seen anyone come back to a thread and say: "I followed this advice, and it backfired massively". Rather, I see OPs who show more interest in some piece of advice than in another. It's on them, in my opinion. If I ask for advice online, I at least think about each one before deciding what to do with it.

They are so confident they are right that the listener naturally believes the advice comes from experience.

Heh. This makes me think of Life of Brian's Caesar, going: "You sound vewy suwe. Have you checked?"

 

[Judge]

Is there even a perceived "duty of care owed" when one party blindly seeks and knowingly accepts advice from an anonymous source online, without any predetermined conditions or considerations of professional liability?

Unless one is prepared to litigate such a matter, it strikes me as a moot point. But then if one could, how many of us would be offering any wisdom at all under such circumstances ?

 

[AsheSkyler]

Perhaps it's just good intentions? I know I've avoided a lot of situations in my life because it's an experience I didn't want to have and would instead avidly listen to what other people had to say about it. Worked pretty well when I worked at a video renting place, I didn't have any interest in watching movies although I did read the descriptions on the back, and my customers often said I made good recommendations to them.

 

[Judge]

Perhaps it's just good intentions?

Stands to reason on a website fundamentally designed to offer resources and support to autistic people. Makes me consider parallels to "Good Samaritan" laws when offering non-professional advice whatever it might be. Unfortunately this doesn't preclude the possibility of bad advice. Much like an inexperienced person who injures someone while trying to legitimately help them.

I don't think there is any real recourse here. And no real way to enforce the accuracy of what anyone posts. Certainly not in real-time. You have to take everything with a grain of salt...but that in all likelihood people do mean well in the process.

 

[Ste11aeres]

It's the nature of the Internet in general, imo.

I think that many of the times I've given advice has been when the op is in a situation or experiencing that bears some resemblance to situations I've been in or things I've experienced(not always exactly the same, but often close). And in those cases, my advice was often better than in times when I really didn't have experience. Maybe in the future I'll try a bit more to make it clear whether the thing I'm saying relates to something in my past.

 

[Christy]

Stands to reason on a website fundamentally designed to offer resources and support to autistic people. Makes me consider parallels to "Good Samaritan" laws when offering non-professional advice whatever it might be. Unfortunately this doesn't preclude the possibility of bad advice. Much like an inexperienced person who injures someone while trying to legitimately help them.

I don't think there is any real recourse here. And no real way to enforce the accuracy of what anyone posts. Certainly not in real-time. You have to take everything with a grain of salt...but that in all likelihood people do mean well in the process.

You miss my meaning Judge. I'm in no way talking about enforcement or duty of care.

I'm asking about what drives a person to give such advice... Surely if they realised what they were doing was not helpful, they would want to stop?

 

[Ste11aeres]

You miss my meaning Judge. I'm in no way talking about enforcement or duty of care.

I'm asking about what drives a person to give such advice... Surely if they realised what they were doing was not helpful, they would want to stop?

People give advice precisely because they hope that it is helpful, and they think there is a possibility that it might be helpful.
I don't think anyone gives advice with the awareness that it is lousy advice.
And it is theoretically possible for someone without experience to give a piece of good advice, even if its not so likely.

 

[Christy]

It's the nature of the Internet in general, imo.

I think this is similar to the perspective some aspies take that, because they are an aspie, they should be able to say what they think despite the fact that it is received in the NT world as being hurtful or insensitive.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I think this is similar to the perspective some aspies take that, because they are an aspie, they should be able to say what they think despite the fact that it is received in the NT world as being hurtful or insensitive.

From what I've seen of the online world, many NTs say very very nasty and hurtful things when online.