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Advice needed, aspie and alcohol

Dena

Dena

New Member
Hi all,
I am looking for some advice please. A family member has spiralled into alcoholism, he is diagnosed Asperger. I don’t know how to help him. He denies he is an alcoholic, and I am finding it hard to convince him to seek help. He admits drinking to self-medicate but now his liver is packing up. Any advice is most welcome, we are worried sick. Any suggestions to get through to him the fact that he needs to stop drinking and we are trying to help him? Thank you in advance.
 
Nobody quits until they decide it's time to quit. You can't make that decision for him. Addiction is not pretty and rarely has a happy ending. People who abuse substances are literally in love with those substances, and you can not impose your will upon that person if your will is for them to start hating the substance they love (depend on). Sorry, but addiction is tough, tougher than most people even realize.

That's not very helpful, is it? What made me quit my substances of choice was rejecting the lifestyle surrounding it. The substances were just a part of the lifestyle, and without the lifestyle the substances just didn't have a place. Maybe you can take something from that?
 
They have to hit bottom which is different for everyone. Sometimes you can raise the bottom. Try asking the question- it might hit home or it might not.
 
I wish I had good news, but I don't. 3 other member of my family(Mom, Grama, and uncle.) were all alcoholics and drank themselves to death. All died from liver failure. I am the only member of the family that has ever been diagnosed with AS and that was almost 20 years after my mother died. Looking back, I am very sure that those members of my family would have been diagnosed AS if they were still alive today. That said. AS seriously impairs a persons ability to socialize and that frustration of wondering why they can't make socializing work can lead to anxiety and depression. And as long as they have to deal with this emotional pain. They will do anything to medicate themselves and that means using alcohol. Just like everybody else said on this forum. Your family member had to make that choice themselves. But at lease you now know why they are doing it. Living with constant anxiety and depression can take a toll on anybody and adding alcohol to the mix just multiply the problem.
 
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I believe that a lot of Aspies who drink, do it so they can be social in a public setting. When the alcohol starts to take effect, you can think of all kinds of things to talk about. Then you have to decide what is more important to you, your health or being able to talk to a member of the opposite sex. Believe it or not, this is a hard decision for some people.
 
Unfortunately, unless he recognises the problem for himself and wants to seek help voluntarily, there's not much you can do. You mention that his liver is packing up; how do you know that? Did he have tests and scans? If so, it means that he has had a health issue related to the drinking and then gone to the doctor about it. That's a start. Perhaps his doctor could have a very frank talk with him, accompanied by graphic illustrations of liver disease, details about liver transplants, advice giving small steps he could take towards cutting down on alcohol, and eventually quitting. Small steps at a time, now before it's too late. You probably won't be able to persuade him to stop drinking alltogether and it might even be dangerous for him to do so, but he might be persuaded to cut down.
 
The booze is by far the worst most dangerous drug in the planet.

Far worse than anything else. Heroin, cocaine, crack, all do less damage than booze.

Saying that - I drink booze and don’t touch the other stuff but that’s only because of social acceptance.

My wife is a social worker and she’s seen the worst effects of all drugs including booze.

She says that a crack heads house will be in better order than an alcoholics.
 
Visions of children feeding themselves dog poo from the streets as Mum is rolling around in her own sick halfway down the stair case for the day.

I think knowing this will stop myself becoming an alcoholic
 
Dena said:
Hi all,
I am looking for some advice please. A family member has spiralled into alcoholism, he is diagnosed Asperger. I don’t know how to help him. He denies he is an alcoholic, and I am finding it hard to convince him to seek help. He admits drinking to self-medicate but now his liver is packing up. Any advice is most welcome, we are worried sick. Any suggestions to get through to him the fact that he needs to stop drinking and we are trying to help him? Thank you in advance.
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From an aspie who has been sober for the past 5 years and used to drink daily, one has to be ready to quit. If one is not ready / is coerced into quitting via an ultimatum. Things get much worse without alcohol. They spiral down and gradually erode. Much worse for the aspie that is. As old forgotten problems will resurface / the reason for drinking in the first place. Sure, it'll be easier on everyone else but probably not for him..

Some things to consider - Say he quits alcohol and gets "help" afterwards. What does that entail? Drugs? Which have very dangerous side effects and won't cure anything? If you trust your general practitioner and put all your eggs into the basket of drugs. Which is an easy path less traveled... since you don't have to do any serious studying. Likely won't help him. Side note/ most drugs damage the liver.

If you intend on getting him to quit don't make that your focus quite yet. Think really hard about the underlying cause. (it's not the bottle which causes him to drink). Think about which health problems will resurface? Physically, emotionally, mentally. Why did he start drinking in the first place? He may not even remember. Major life events? Seek out specialists for those problems and have a qualified specialist for that problem ready to receive him. Weeks or months after quitting. Depending on what it is think psychologists. Don't tunnel vision into "GP" "Psychia".

Once you have done the above and you are fairly certain you've figured it out. Then you could start slipping some suggestions. Think: Taper. I'll share with you in detail how i quit. In a private message.

Good luck
 
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Thank you all, your responses are very useful.
At this point, I am hoping he will seek medical help for his liver. He has wished none of his medical treatment is communicated to any of us, fair enough. I have mentioned swapping his drink of choice (vodka) to something less strong and he seemed to think this might work. We are willing to try anything to help and we have told him this. Over to him now I guess.
Thanks for taking the time to read and reply, much appreciated.
 
I drank and took drugs through my entire adolescence. Then stopped for my 20’s and early 30’s after an excruciating and poorly handled withdrawal at 18. After that two year long drawn-out nightmare I was basically terrified of alcohol/drugs and that’s what kept me sober. NOT a good reason, nor anything long lasting.

I drank because it made me feel “normal.” I could finally, actually socialize without feeling painfully awkward. Frozen and weird. To actually look that way to others too. To feel freeee.....
.....Freee to get into all kinds of trouble too. To become addicted. So much more.

Started again in early 30’s. Ahhhhh ..... sweet relief after decade+ of struggling to keep it all together. Feeling, “bunched up” ?? Running household, dinner parties, starting and operating international nonprofit, college, on and on.... just having to suffer through being so f’ing NORMAL day in and out. I hate migraines, of course. But I remember relishing the days I’d get them because I’d get to just hide under the covers in my room all day, alone, not having to “be” anyone or anything.

Ok, anyway... started drinking again... it just spiraled out of my control. Not only did it allow me to be “normal” — it made me be abnormal. I was a crazy girl. I got a reputation in every town I lived or passed through as a lunatic. People pitied my children. Then it led to drugs...more and more till heroin. I lost everything. Even my freedom. Thank God for that because it landed me in long-term rehab. Where I was able to dry out — BUT MOSTLY — have enough time from my last drink/drug to wrap my mind around what I was doing, and what I should/could be doing instead. (Man, too bad I didn’t have Asperger’s dx then!! Would have changed EVERYTHING!!!)

Thus — my vote is for long-term rehab. I have been in 28 day programs. Meh. I guess they are ok. But not as near as helpful as a six month program if you can get him into one. (I was sent by court, so I was “lucky.”) So — 3 day detox is basically worthless, UNLESS he is going right into program. And I’d take 28/30 day program over nothing. Someone can go to a program before they are totally ready to quit, and find that readiness there. As long as there is a smidge of willingness.

Good luck!!!
 
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