Advice

[Awishaway]

Hi, I'm new to the forum and would like to reach out for help.

My obsessions with animals kept me happy and comforted throughout my life since childhood. They have helped me cope with difficulties that others might have dealt with through social contact but I never seem to enjoy the company of people so I turned to animals instead.
I have never connected to dogs, farm yard animals or rodents but found a love for birds but unfortunately my asthma has made it impossible to own one ever again, so I looked into cats.
Straight away I had a connection, I loved them and with hypoallergenic breeds, HEPA filters and hoovers etc. I don't have to let my allergies stop me. Unfortunately my parents don't like animals inside so I can't get one now but due to my difficulties with independence I will be living with them when we move to the countryside in 5 Years and most of my life. I had hopes of getting one then but with fears of not having an annex had my step mother promise to allow a section of the home for me and I could decide everything in it as you would if you had your own home to yourself. Which was great and I felt at ease with my life but recently there has been issues that might mean I can't get a cat and being so important to me it has made it seem to me like my world has come crashing down, I am not enthusiastic anymore and with my grandad dying from cancer and the last exam of my college in process I really needed that comfort. I have tried getting into other things but its not the same.

I'm so sorry about the boring summary but I really want some help... How do I tell my parents how important it is to me without them brushing it off as sillyness, I just want to work a way around either having one in the future or maybe having one outside but I don't know how to word it to them or get them to understand how it means to me. I am the only one with autism in my family and I hadn't found much help online as quick summaries to really show how autism really is. What would you do?

 

[Bolletje]

Would it be possible for you to volunteer at a cat cafe or shelter?
And, unless I misunderstood, you were hoping to get a cat in 5 years? That’s a long time from now, a lot can happen in the meantime.

 

[Juliettaa]

I second, if possible, to volunteer at your local cat shelter.

That way, you'll get a 'feline fix' on a regular basis and it will help determine if you have any allergies/sensitivity to certain feline types i.e. long haired cats. It will also solve the issue over you not bringing a pet into the home where they're not truly wanted by the other people who live there.

Another plus is that you're free of the financial responsibility that comes with pet ownership.

 

[pjcnet]

Show your parents articles about emotional support animals and how they're changing people's lives for the better, they're legally recognised in some countries, but sadly not yet everywhere and there's a lot of petitions in countries like the UK where I live to make them so, please click here for a UK petition that needs as much support as possible. I sincerely hope they become legally recognised everywhere because I have a cat and she has most definitely made a massive difference, yet because she's not legally recognised I've had to fight with my Housing Association to keep her, the pressure seems to have worn off at the moment, but if necessary I would be willing to go to court to fight the case, they even threatened to take me to court once, but I've heard nothing for 2 years. Obviously she causes no harm to anyone and trying to force me to give her up when she is helping my condition is in my opinion persecution against someone on the autistic spectrum, especially when they're allowing some people to have dogs in my area. This is my second cat, both rescues, but I rescued the first one myself when a "friend" no longer wanted her and was literally going to dump her away from his home when there was no room in any cat sanctuaries. I found I grew a close bond with her and it was a very traumatic time for me when she was ill with cancer and finally passed away, but I then had to get another. Animals often greatly help autistic people, people with OCD, people with anxiety / depression and even other illnesses. Many emotional support animals are dogs, but some are cats or even other animals.

Here's is a couple of articles, but there's many if you look for them online:

Therapy Cats for Emotional Support and Comfort - Ian Langtree

Why My Emotional Support Animal Is Not Simply a Cat


If your parents really don't understand and nothing ever will, then perhaps look at options of supported living where you get a flat with freedom, but where there's some support if you need it, some may allow a cat, especially if you tell them that it's a support / assistance animal.

PS: I can definitely relate to your grandad and I'm sorry to hear that he's ill, mine sadly passed away from cancer and even though he was 86 at the time it doesn't hurt any less, especially since I was very close to him.

 

[Awishaway]

Show your parents articles about emotional support animals and how they're changing people's lives for the better, they're legally recognised in some countries, but sadly not yet everywhere and there's a lot of petitions in countries like the UK where I live to make them so, please click here for a UK petition that needs as much support as possible. I sincerely hope they become legally recognised everywhere because I have a cat and she has most definitely made a massive difference, yet because she's not legally recognised I've had to fight with my Housing Association to keep her, the pressure seems to have worn off at the moment, but if necessary I would be willing to go to court to fight the case, they threaten to take me to court, but I've heard nothing for 2 years. This is my second cat, both rescues, but I rescued the first one myself when a "friend" no longer wanted her and was literally going to dump her away from his home when there was no room in any cat sanctuaries. I found I grew a close bond with her and it was a very traumatic time for me when she was ill with cancer and finally passed away, but I then had to get another. Animals often greatly help autistic people, people with OCD, people with anxiety / depression and even other illnesses. Many emotional support animals are dogs, but some are cats or even other animals.

Here's is a couple of articles, but there's many if you look for them online:

Therapy Cats for Emotional Support and Comfort - Ian Langtree

Why My Emotional Support Animal Is Not Simply a Cat


If your parents really don't understand and nothing ever will, then perhaps look at options of supported living where you get a flat with freedom, but where there's some support if you need it, some may allow a cat, especially if you tell them that it's a support / assistance animal.

PS: I can definitely relate to your grandad and I'm sorry to hear that he's ill, mine sadly passed away from cancer and even though he was 86 at the time it doesn't hurt any less, especially since I was very close to him.

The emotional support animal is such a good thing and you don't just have a mental or physical disability to have one. I really want it to be available in the UK!

 

[Awishaway]

Ive just talked to them about my worries and they have agreed that even if they have to section off part of the house we're going to get then I can still have a cat. I'm alright at the moment now I don't mind waiting. When I loved birds it was the same. Just I got a budgie as a surprise gift and the dust off the bird and droppings made my asthma flair. I'm going to learn to drive this year then I can go to catteries and cat places to volunteer. I was just so worried for the future. I like to have aspirations.

 

[Mary Anne]

Hi, I'm new to the forum and would like to reach out for help.

My obsessions with animals kept me happy and comforted throughout my life since childhood. They have helped me cope with difficulties that others might have dealt with through social contact but I never seem to enjoy the company of people so I turned to animals instead.
I have never connected to dogs, farm yard animals or rodents but found a love for birds but unfortunately my asthma has made it impossible to own one ever again, so I looked into cats.
Straight away I had a connection, I loved them and with hypoallergenic breeds, HEPA filters and hoovers etc. I don't have to let my allergies stop me. Unfortunately my parents don't like animals inside so I can't get one now but due to my difficulties with independence I will be living with them when we move to the countryside in 5 Years and most of my life. I had hopes of getting one then but with fears of not having an annex had my step mother promise to allow a section of the home for me and I could decide everything in it as you would if you had your own home to yourself. Which was great and I felt at ease with my life but recently there has been issues that might mean I can't get a cat and being so important to me it has made it seem to me like my world has come crashing down, I am not enthusiastic anymore and with my grandad dying from cancer and the last exam of my college in process I really needed that comfort. I have tried getting into other things but its not the same.

I'm so sorry about the boring summary but I really want some help... How do I tell my parents how important it is to me without them brushing it off as sillyness, I just want to work a way around either having one in the future or maybe having one outside but I don't know how to word it to them or get them to understand how it means to me. I am the only one with autism in my family and I hadn't found much help online as quick summaries to really show how autism really is. What would you do?

First of all, I am the very same way- animals in general, and pets are oh so CRUCIAL for my well-being! Without them I am lost. There are ways to get a pet registered as a therapy guide- can you do that? Do you see a therapist who could help to change your momther’s mind? This way, you are more likely to find housing where it will be allowed.

I want to caution you about allowing cats outdoors. I am in the USA, and there is a huge cat loving nation here where we are vehemently against allowing cats outdoors ever! First, they get killed outdoors by cars. They get killed (or brutally injured) by dogs and coyotes. (This happened to my cat who squeezed out of the window and was killed by a dog). They also can accidentally injest poisons laid down for the rodents they wind up eatting. Outdoor cats get all sorts of illness and disease from fleas, to worms, to getting in fights with other cats. Outdoor cats lose eyes, and get frost bite in winter. Horrible. Outdoor cats also are responsible for billions of wildlife deaths each year: birds, baby squirrels, chipmunks, and others natural critters who deserve to live their lives peacefully and not be murdered by non-native species like cats. Please consider keeping your cat spayed and indoors 24/7.

Is there some other smaller pet you could have now that your mother would accept in the home? Rabbits...especially the dwarf kind, are quite precious to keep at home. I also would research “non allergenic pets” and see if one type would be ok with your mom. Having a different pet is not the same as having a cat (of course!), but it might suffice until you go to the country.

I also have had 25 gallon fish tanks with fancy fan-tail goldfish. I want to strongly promote goldfish as loving, intelligent beings who will recognize you, and show affection! They recognize different people and understand things. In laboratory experiments, goldfish have remembered the paths of mazes, and they will do simple tricks for rewards. Yes! Fish are so denigrated as “non beings,” and it’s WRONG. They are lovely, beautiful, calming, and fascinating to watch. They can be much less expense too, and are relatively easy to care for.

“Animals” do belong inside! Many have been bred and domesticated for so long, that they cannot safely or happily survive outside. For example, the Egyptian Sphinx cat has been bred specifically for allergy suffers. They need so much more care then a regular cat breed, and MUST stay indoors!

Keep us posted. I hope you can get a pet soon.

 

[Juliettaa]

I want to caution you about allowing cats outdoors. I am in the USA, and there is a huge cat loving nation here where we are vehemently against allowing cats outdoors ever! First, they get killed outdoors by cars. They get killed (or brutally injured) by dogs. (This happened to my cat who squeezed out of the window and was killed by a dog). They also can accidentally injest poisons laid down for the rodents they wind up eatting. Outdoor cats get all sorts of illness and disease from fleas, to worms, to getting in fights with other cats. Outdoor cats lose eyes, and get frost bight in winter. Horrible. Outdoor cats also are responsible for billions of wildlife deaths each year: birds, baby squirrels, chipmunks, and others natural critters who deserve to live their lives peacefully and not be murdered by non-native species like cats. Please consider keeping your cat spayed and indoors 24/7.

Wholeheartedly agree with this. I'm in the UK and I'm totally opposed to outdoor cats for all of the above reasons.

I have house cats that have a safe, very large enclosure outside which has climbing frames and beds so they can lounge in the sun (when it decides to make an appearance in the UK!).

@Awishaway - I really hope that your pet ownership aspirations work out well for you, but I still think it's sensible to test out your tolerance for cats in view of allergies/asthma so good luck with securing a voluntary position

 

[kay]

I've fairly recently brought home bunnies. They are around 5 months old now and have been very helpful in dealing with stress. Hope you get your cat. Good luck! Little fuzzy things really are generally better than people. Though a bit messier sometimes.

 

[tlc]

Ive just talked to them about my worries and they have agreed that even if they have to section off part of the house we're going to get then I can still have a cat. I'm alright at the moment now I don't mind waiting. When I loved birds it was the same. Just I got a budgie as a surprise gift and the dust off the bird and droppings made my asthma flair. I'm going to learn to drive this year then I can go to catteries and cat places to volunteer. I was just so worried for the future. I like to have aspirations.

This is great and something to work towards. I'm glad they are willing to work with you. In any case I do think the cat shelter is the best place to start. Let everyone else handle the big responsibilities while you decide if you want the entire work and cost of having a cat, it may be more than you think.

I have to say that while many of us need animal emotional support, there are also many of us who are either highly allergic, and/or just highly sensitive to animal smells to the point of nausea and vomiting. Which is one thing me and my housemate have in common. For cats it's allergies, for all other animals it's the rest. I had cats for years and I lived every day off meds and inhalers and barely able to breathe. Once they got outside, which they would always find a way to sneak out, they'd get fleas and ear mites. Worst part about fleas was when the cats were gone for good, they would host off us and the constant bites were horrible. Enough house foggers and carpet cleanings got rid of them. Then the cats would change their mood and pee on things. I deep cleaned one carpet probably 10 times and it still smelled when I sold the house. I had to throw out a vintage organ that was soaked from below, also a guitar case. There's a party store in town with a door connected to a house that's full of cats, and sometimes that store smells to the point I can't go in.

So I'd be thankful for your parents consideration, and I'd be expecting more than just a good door between the living spaces. I think a completely sealed wall will help keep things friendly the long run.

 

[pjcnet]

Wholeheartedly agree with this. I'm in the UK and I'm totally opposed to outdoor cats for all of the above reasons.

I have house cats that have a safe, very large enclosure outside which has climbing frames and beds so they can lounge in the sun (when it decides to make an appearance in the UK!).

@Awishaway - I really hope that your pet ownership aspirations work out well for you, but I still think it's sensible to test out your tolerance for cats in view of allergies/asthma so good luck with securing a voluntary position

I live in the UK and I hate letting my cat outside. A lot of the time I actually stand outside watching her, but there has been times where she's run off when I've turned my back for a few seconds and I can't watch her all the time if she decides to stay outside for a few hours in the nicer weather. I worry about her when she's out all the time and even if I do have to leave her I will keep checking on her regularly, although on occasions if I can't find her straight away it worries me a lot more. Regarding fleas, that's not an issue, I treat her every month just in case.

The problem is she wanted to go out after I had her for a couple of months and she still wants to go out sometimes, she can easily access the window sill to see outside and that will often keep her occupied for a good while, but it's not always enough for her. She will actually jump up and start meowing on my computer desk if she wants to go out and if I don't respond she will start pushing up against my monitor, then as soon as I get up she will run towards the door. If I kept her inside all her life then her entire world and existence is just my flat which I simply don't see as fair on her when she clearly enjoys going out and she's not getting as much exercise inside either. I suppose it wouldn't be quite as bad if you had a large back garden that was sealed off with high fences where a cat can run or room for a large outdoor enclosure like you have, but I don't have that luxury and my cat loves running fast which is simply not possible inside at that speed, plus she is also social with a neighbours cat that she does get on with. The only good thing is I live in a large enclosed area of ground floor and 1st floor flats and there's no main roads close. I try to discourage her as much as I can from wandering too far and I also chose a female cat because they more often have a smaller territory to roam than males.

If anything ever did happen to her outside, obviously I'd be devastated, but in my opinion it's still better for her to have enjoyed a shorter life than to live a longer life of depression and misery stuck inside when she most definitely wants to go out.

PS: I tried her on a cat lead, but no chance, she hates it with a passion and just goes nuts, running and trying to yank it.