advise on making/keeping friends?

[bethany]

well i tend to find it extremely dificult to make and keep friends . and there probably are other people out there with the same problem so i though i'd make this thread. so is there any advise or tips anyone can offer on how to make and maintain friends?
and thanks in advanse for your help

 

[secludedsfx]

Well... one way i found it easy to maintain friends was to make friends with disabilities themselves as then they understand much more why you act differently

 

[regnkappa]

Well... one way i found it easy to maintain friends was to make friends with disabilities themselves as then they understand much more why you act differently

That how I have done. I dont work out with NT,s. Not as friends over time.

I have 2 friends that I count as friends to me and their are both Aspies.

I am starting to getting to know a girl with AS but have not meet her much sofar but she is also some one I can hang out with and things feels calm and works out.

 

[Willow]

I guess that being friends with people who have disabilities is one way to go. I have friends that don't have anything though. Not everyone is going to stick around, and you shouldn't expect them to, I realised that I was kind of high maintenence and that some people just can't deal with that and that's fine. I can't deal with some people, it's no different. The friends I have are really understanding. Don't try and be someone else, just be yourself and if that's all people see right from the start then they tend to stick around longer; if they make friends with you and you're just being yourself, then they must like you. That's how I see it.

 

[rikk]

I guess that being friends with people who have disabilities is one way to go. I have friends that don't have anything though. Not everyone is going to stick around, and you shouldn't expect them to, I realised that I was kind of high maintenence and that some people just can't deal with that and that's fine. I can't deal with some people, it's no different. The friends I have are really understanding. Don't try and be someone else, just be yourself and if that's all people see right from the start then they tend to stick around longer; if they make friends with you and you're just being yourself, then they must like you. That's how I see it.

Right on Willow,People will come and go throughout our lives,that's normal,a lot of the really old friendships

I have are with people who have a problem of some sort.

Sadly I have found that relationships that became adversarial do not change even over long periods of time,

people do not forgive.

Time I have spent with young people has come back to pay real dividends over time, if you are good to them

they remember you.

People like us have problems with socializing, often the reactions I get from people tend to be extreme,

either I am very well liked or I am completly loathed, there is no middle ground,I can even get both

reactions out of the same person given time. I always stay the same so I don't get that at all.

If I end the relationship on a high note running into them again is a good thing,if not the best

thing to do is avoid them no matter how long it's been,It doesn't work out.

There's always more people around no matter what happens so you can always get another chance at it.

Try to critique yourself,what could YOU have done differently? It's not always the other guy's fault.

Asperger's never goes away but with effort you can lessen it's impact a little.

 

[Chris]

I'm not entirely fussed about making friend's since i'm happy to.. lone. -and i'm not an aspie [as far as i'm aware ], but one thing I will say, is that I give everyone a fair chance, regardless of disiability. Most of the time friendships don't work out due to the other 'party' not wanting them to work out. Lol.

 

[Emor]

I don't know if I can really comment on the whole maintaining friends situation, because I tend to 'dump' new friends after a couple of weeks, but you definitely need to set clear restrictions. If you don't then you'll end up just getting too over-whelmed and end it. Well, that's what happened to me anyway, several times. As of right now I don't really have any 'friends', but it's hard to define them. I know that if I told some people I wasn't their friend they'd take offence, but idk.
In terms of making friends I really don't know how I made any. Even now when I sit alone there's been probably around 4 this year who've made a genuine attempt to be my friend, and one group who keeps persistently trying to get me to be their friends and invites me to go to places with them(but I decline).
Maybe if there's any people you just talk to, maybe you could simply talk to them more? Then maybe the relationship will develop from acquaintances to friends? I suppose that's rather self-explanatory though.
EMZ=]

 

[AdzPearson]

I've only ever had a handfull of friends at any one time. I find that suits me best. I'm friendly with all my housemates (as we're all into games and anime). I also have some good friends back home (I'm currently in Stafford for University). I also have someone who I consider to be my best friend, as she seems to understand me better than anyone else ever has.

However, all of those friends came to me rather than me approaching people and saying "Hi". In fact, the only reason I know two of my current good friends is because one of them approached me while I was reading a gaming magazine in the College canteen (my other good friend is her younger sister). It's scary to think that I may not have known them otherwise. As for my current housemates, I met them online before they started Uni. Again, if I hadn't done that, I don't think I'd be where I am today.

As you can see, I've been fairly lucky that I've had people approaching me. While I have improved my confidence over the years, I still have trouble just talking with strangers in a place like Uni. I find the best way to keep friends is to be friendly with everyone you meet. If you can, try to help them whenever they have a problem.

Sorry if I haven't been much help. In my experience, getting friends just comes down to luck (and acting nicely once someone does approach you).

 

[Calvert]

Well, it depends what you define as a "friend". I wouldn't say I have any proper friends. I call them associates. Meaning, people who are friendly with me but wouldn't always see me or be there for me. I suppose another word would be a groupie. haha. I met these people through my brother who is NT. It just happened that one guy who was in my class that I was trying to make friends with turned out to be already a friend of my brother. They know I have AS and are very friendly with my brother so I guess that's why they are sticking around with me.

Yeah, I think one way you could try makes friends is in school. Just try to be nice to them and it should gradually build up into a friendship. These things won't happen overnight though. I've had years without friends. Then there will be times when you lose friends and gain others. Try to find someone who has the same interests as you, or someone you could help out in a way. I'm not really sure. If you make one friend then maybe that friend will introduce you to another and so-on. Start talking to some in your class and then ask them if they want to do something at the weekend (like go shopping or cinema w/e). Maybe add them on Facebook (after you talk to them first) and then use Facebook to talk to them if that makes you more comfortable.

Hope that helps.

 

[OmegaGreen17]

Stay true to yourself, and let the others be true to you.

In other words, stick to your morals and yourself as a human being, and dont let anyone mould you or mishape you.

 

[noraa]

I try to join into some sports at lunch in school. I'm pretty good at rugby and football(soccer). Then after the game you can talk to some people who where playing. If you support the same teams that they support then you can organize to go see a game with them.

Most of the classes I picked are computer subjects so most of the other guys in my classes are into computers and games. Which is good for me because I'm interested in computers and games too.

I guess you could try get your self interested in things that other people are interested in. If I don't have any similar interests with other people I don't usually know what to say.

 

[Sean2222]

well i tend to find it extremely dificult to make and keep friends . and there probably are other people out there with the same problem so i though i'd make this thread. so is there any advise or tips anyone can offer on how to make and maintain friends?
and thanks in advanse for your help

It would be nice to meet others like you (aspies) but if that isn't possible, the same advice would sitll apply. Try to treat others the way you want to be treated. Be a good listener. Try and find others that have comon interests to you. Show them that their thoughts, feelings, problems have meaning to you and that you want to share yours with them as well. It's always a two way street and both people always have to contribute their part to maintaining a friendship/relationship. If one person is putting in all the work it isn't truly a friendship.

-sean-