I've always struggled with "meltdowns," figuring out the ins-and-outs of everyday social interaction, making and keeping friends, pretty much all of the textbook high-functioning autistic traits throughout my life. I always thought I was bi-polar, or that something was just plain wrong with me. Everyone around me would just tell me I was "weird" and "creative" and leave it at that, and I grew up with out any coping mechanisms.
I did a lot of research about this topic at first because I have autistic friends and wanted to understand them better. After I watched and read first-hand accounts of some women’s experiences growing up and experiencing situations and relationships, I realized that I identified with a lot of what they were saying.
More recently, I've made a handful of friends with people who are on the spectrum, and have related to their experiences and nervous habits a great deal. I saw myself mirrored in their stories and it honestly changed my life.
I've always felt like I was missing out on some universal inside joke that everyone seemed to understand but me. Like I was the only one without a club membership.
The worst that it's ever affected me was last year when I came home from a foreign exchange program six months early because I couldn't cope with myself or communicate my needs. After that experience and an entire childhood of trauma, I did more research about ASD and came to a self-diagnosis.
I'm at the end of my senior year, and now I know that if I want to succeed in moving away from home and pursuing a college career, I have to get a diagnosis. I don't want to repeat the mistakes I made on exchange, I want to leave home prepared and with a name to what I struggle with so I know how and where to ask for help.
My mother is an herbalist and relies more on homeopathic medicine than western medicine. My entire live, every time I've been sick she's treated it with herbal remedies at home without taking us to the doctor unless it's life or death. She's also anti-vaxx.
Whenever I've tried to approach her about seeing a professional and getting me help, she's brushed it off as me overreacting and at most offers me herbs and yoga. She doesn't believe mental illness as valid, and she hasn't condoned me seeing a doctor. Looking back at my childhood and having questioned my stepfather about it, I suspect that my teachers or counselors have come to her and told her that I needed to be screened for something and she may have withheld treatment from me as a child.
Through the support of my friends alone, I've found my insurance card and am scheduled to see a family physician about a diagnosis tomorrow. I can't afford the doctor's appointments and hour-long trips it would take to be fully screened and diagnosed with ASD (because the nearest qualified psychologists live in the city). As of right now I want to see what my options truly are, and maybe try whatever medication is prescribed to me for ADHD (the next-best treatment I suppose) and see if it will make any significant changes to my focus and ability to control my emotions.
I just needed to dump all of this somewhere safe with people who likely understand my situation.
Thanks, V
I did a lot of research about this topic at first because I have autistic friends and wanted to understand them better. After I watched and read first-hand accounts of some women’s experiences growing up and experiencing situations and relationships, I realized that I identified with a lot of what they were saying.
More recently, I've made a handful of friends with people who are on the spectrum, and have related to their experiences and nervous habits a great deal. I saw myself mirrored in their stories and it honestly changed my life.
I've always felt like I was missing out on some universal inside joke that everyone seemed to understand but me. Like I was the only one without a club membership.
The worst that it's ever affected me was last year when I came home from a foreign exchange program six months early because I couldn't cope with myself or communicate my needs. After that experience and an entire childhood of trauma, I did more research about ASD and came to a self-diagnosis.
I'm at the end of my senior year, and now I know that if I want to succeed in moving away from home and pursuing a college career, I have to get a diagnosis. I don't want to repeat the mistakes I made on exchange, I want to leave home prepared and with a name to what I struggle with so I know how and where to ask for help.
My mother is an herbalist and relies more on homeopathic medicine than western medicine. My entire live, every time I've been sick she's treated it with herbal remedies at home without taking us to the doctor unless it's life or death. She's also anti-vaxx.
Whenever I've tried to approach her about seeing a professional and getting me help, she's brushed it off as me overreacting and at most offers me herbs and yoga. She doesn't believe mental illness as valid, and she hasn't condoned me seeing a doctor. Looking back at my childhood and having questioned my stepfather about it, I suspect that my teachers or counselors have come to her and told her that I needed to be screened for something and she may have withheld treatment from me as a child.
Through the support of my friends alone, I've found my insurance card and am scheduled to see a family physician about a diagnosis tomorrow. I can't afford the doctor's appointments and hour-long trips it would take to be fully screened and diagnosed with ASD (because the nearest qualified psychologists live in the city). As of right now I want to see what my options truly are, and maybe try whatever medication is prescribed to me for ADHD (the next-best treatment I suppose) and see if it will make any significant changes to my focus and ability to control my emotions.
I just needed to dump all of this somewhere safe with people who likely understand my situation.
Thanks, V
