.... that another female I know, dislikes me and that makes all the strange behaviour of her, to fit like a jigsaw puzzle. Ok, so I cannot stop her disliking me and can figure out why, since I dislike myself anyway, however, I would really like to know HOW TO ACT AROUND HER? She makes me dreadfully uncomfortable and panicky. I dread it when she is around, because I am horribly too aware of what she thinks of me.
I have tried being nice ( when in a state of wondering what on earth is going on), but now that I have finally found out, to be nice, seems too hard for me. But, I do not mean the opposite, as I have never been able to be rude to another ( well, ok, my husband lol).
It is hard knowing someone puts up with me.
Can you be certain that you know how she feels about you without discussing the possibilities with her?
You haven’t said whether she is in your circle of acquaintances (in the workplace, perhaps) or a family member or friend of a family member and so it is difficult to assess what best to do in those particular settings.
However, in general - sometimes one person can react to another person based on the other’s subconscious body language or maybe by picking up on their anxious vibes. If you are inadvertently advertising that you are uncomfortable around her, then that could be seen as a reflection on her and maybe she is wondering why you are acting this way in her presence. If you have ‘
tried being nice’ - and it hasn’t been genuinely comfortable for you - that too will show through and might be misinterpreted by another person.
(Please note that I am not putting the onus upon you and your reactions here, just pointing out that ND folk in particular are not renowned for being able to read the body language and intentions of others, nor in successfully hiding our own emotions when they are particularly strong and stirring within us, as yours appear to be.)
Perhaps, in this situation, polite acknowledgement of her presence is enough - maybe a smiling nod of the head in her direction when you enter or leave the room or otherwise meet or part company. I know the following is far easier said than done, but making a conscious attempt not to make her the focus of your inner attention when you are together - that is, by acknowledging her and then turning your thoughts and feelings to other things - should help you to relax a little more in her company.
The way you are feeling (‘
It is hard knowing that someone puts up with me.’) will be very difficult to hide and so the change you require in order to find peace in her presence will possibly only come from discussing how you feel with her or by resolving the issue within yourself, e.g. by coming into the realisation that maybe it’s not the be all and end all if she does not like you - there will always be people with whom we cannot gel - and that’s ok, it’s a natural part of being human…
Hoping that these difficult encounters can be resolved for you one way or the other.
