Agoraphobia is not kind

[Suzanne]

Although not been formally diagnosed yet, I know that I do suffer Agoraphoba, as well as social anxiety.

I have to most often post letters, due to my faith and can only go to the post box in the early hours of the morning, just so I do not have to meet people. Even though I now the route ( well, have been using that same route for nearly 3 year's now! I had to take a detour, as the local gardeners, are putting down a new foot path, which due to the rain, has made the mud too dangerous, in the dark to walk and remembered my husband saying that I could walk another way. Well, realising that I could not walk back the same way, I talked myself into taking the detour and my "heart was in my mouth". It felt like I was climbing the highest moutain and a ridiculous sense of pride that I was actually acheiving a very ordinary act.

First developed this, when I tried to run away from a terrible enviroment. I was about 8 and did not even get that far, when I thought: this world is way too big for me and nope, it was not me seeing myself as a child, which naturally the world would be big. This was a deep sensation of fear of the unknown and from that moment, it took such courage to go out on my own and now, I live in a different country, with a different language, it is FAR WORSE.

I have a sensation of panic of not being near my home.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I had agoraphobia for many many months.

In the end, dating someone forced me to overcome it. As she lived over 3 hour drive from mine. Unfortunately you can have 3+ hour panic attacks.

The drive alone triggered a lot of panic attacks and overwhelm. Then our dates in the city she lived in, being far from home.

Eventually this self-induced exposure therapy led me to a point of being able to go places and not succumb to the high anxiety and symptoms. I knew that I couldn't just hide away, and I knew that before the agoraphobia I could go places and be ok.

Before you were 8 and you had this traumatic experience, I would imagine you went places. But because that traumatic experience hasn't been worked through, it keeps on repeating in adult life, again and again. You go back to that childhood memory, of fight/flight - and in your case, choosing to flee. I myself have childhood trauma and feelings of unworthiness and being unloveable that I'm learning about and working towards overcoming.

I won't say I enjoy going to some places. As I still feel more tense and on edge at times. But it doesn't spill over into tight chest, palpitations, dizziness etc.

Occasionally it does. But then I grit my teeth and get through it. As rushing home with my tail inbetween my legs only strengthens the anxious beliefs that I'm not safe. You have to remind yourself that you are safe. Living with a sense of unsafety provokes so much unnecessary anxiety. It triggers your fight or flight and leads to all sorts of symptoms. For instance - my first panic attacks were in what I considered the safest place in the world - my bedroom. Associating locations with lack of safety is the primary issue here.

The problem with exposure therapy is the weeks and months where you have to confront repeated high anxiety, panic attacks and wanting to give in. But each time you get through it, you gradually chip away at anxiety's hold.

It's not easy. But look to your beliefs. If you believe I am agoraphobic. Every time I got outside I will be anxious - then you will be living within a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you truly believe it can and will get better, then you are working towards something that feels achievable.

There is always room for growth and improvement, provided you believe. Your beliefs create your reality - there is no other way.

Anyway, that's just my two cents. I can't spend it here in the UK because it's not legal currency.

Ed

 

[NB79]

I wonder what causes this, its ptsd because you had some episode some day? i have trouble going away more than 1 km of my house, its irrational, my city is a relative safe place, its a small city. Also it gives me irrational fear going to certain places, if i have to go to the store near my house or the gas station store i go fine, but going to other places with new people i don't know is hard sometimes.

 

[Jordy]

I don't understand the definition of agoraphobia. Is It the fear of going outside or the fear of being in a situation that is difficult to leave?

 

[NB79]

I don't understand the definition of agoraphobia. Is It the fear of going outside or the fear of being in a situation that is difficult to leave?

sort of you feel insecure on certain places especially away from home and with unfamiliar people.

 

[blue_bird]

I had bad agoraphobia before. To me it starts with a deep sense of insecurity and a lack of self worth. A feeling of inadequacy when it comes to dealing with life and the scenarios it throws at you. Over time these feelings grow and the need to flee from anxiety provoking scenarios increase. The more you avoid, the more comfortable you feel being sheltered. Eventually you need to be sheltered all the time and that's when you know you are deep into it.

What helped me was forcing myself to keep facing insecurity provoking scenarios. Eventually over time, my comfort zone expanded. It's not easy though. You can have a bad response to this exposure therapy and it might convince you to never try it again but you have to keep pushing though. You need to convince yourself that you are not incapable of dealing with ordinary life scenarios even if you initially feel anxious. Anxiety to me is doubt, but doubt is not fact. Let's say that you doubt you can deal with encountering someone while posting your letters, but as I said doubt is not fact. Essentially you have to convince yourself that you can cope despite the doubt.

Good luck. I know it's not easy.

 

[Jordy]

I don't like being outside either. And it's somewhat connected to social anxiety but not completely.

 

[SusanLR]

I had it badly after OCD and panic attacks started suddenly in school for seemingly no reason at age 13.
All I could think of was that urge to run home.
Sitting in a classroom full of other students, the sudden bouts of feeling high anxiety, feeling I couldn't breathe, sweating, heart pounding and all that goes with it that makes you think you are dying was just too much.
One day I did run home.

This is where agoraphobia starts.
Alone with all those overwhelming sensations > you run to where you feel secure, (home) > you feel better there, so you start to associate that as your safe zone.
The more you stay inside, the more you want to, thinking if you avoid the places the panic attacks hit, you'll be OK.

I also developed "safety people." If I had to go very far from home, if one of the safety people was with me, I felt more secure.
It's like a drug in a way, only it was certain people and home. You get addicted.
Then I realized I was not safe from the attacks when they started even in the house or with the people I felt secure with.
At that point I knew it was a false security. All in my mind.

It is very hard to break free of. Slow desensitization, CBT and a few tranquilizers later, I started freeing myself of the mental prison.
I've had certain limitations as to where I will go, with whom, and how long, all my life.
But realization of the facts helped the most. Good luck.