Almost 30 and still no person to love

[AidenMaccullagh]

Hey all. I'm in a pretty dark hole right now. I am 29 and have gone through relationships like you wouldn't believe such as only being used for sex or women wanting me to get them gift cards so they have money or people trying to trick me into taking my clothes off so they can film it and use it as a crutch to get me to send money and not upload it. I feel that i can't trust anyone even my own self. I'm surious as to whether or not i should quit dating and live a lonely life or if there really is someone out there for me where are they because i am done searching. i feel like every female in the state or town i live in is either taken by a guy or part of the LGBTQ community and therefore leaving me abandoned and in a bigger struggle. Some insight of this would be helpful because im at the point where my heart is damaged beyond repair and when people say "oh there is someone out there for you" that there really isn't

 

[Guest]

Self-love is dependable

 

[Misery]

Okay, right off the bat: DONT worry about dating until you can deal with that part where everyone keeps tricking you into stuff.

If you're repeatedly getting blackmailed or having this gift card thing happen... you need to learn to NOT just give yourself to random women. Learn more about a person BEFORE doing... anything. Like, alot more. I mean, something like that happening once is bad enough. But if it's happened as many times as you imply, then there's a problem, and some of it is absolutely on your end. If you cant get it figured out, it'll keep happening, most likely.

It's not just about romantic relationships, either. It sounds like you're entirely missing alot of red flags that people give off when they're up to no good. Granted, for alot of those on the spectrum, it's hard to spot that. But it could hurt you in situations other than the romantic ones. That problem can end up being genuinely dangerous.

Also... where the heck are you meeting these people? It sounds like they're coming from a rather unsavory place. Like, exactly the sort of place where you shouldnt go. If you're meeting them on the internet, for instance, well.... dont. That's never a good idea. But there's loads of other places that are bad ideas too.

 

[Fino]

Being alone can be wonderful!

 

[Crossbreed]

But if it's happened as many times as you imply, then there's a problem, and some of it is absolutely on your end. If you cant get it figured out, it'll keep happening, most likely.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

[GadAbout]

Don't give up entirely on finding a partner, but you have clearly been using methods and strategies that don't work for YOU ... even if they work for other people. I would say, work with a counselor or therapist on social and dating skills - make sure they stick to the treatment plan YOU select, not go off on some tangent having to do with your childhood or generalized anxiety.

 

[Schism]

Wherever you are seeing or meeting these women & men, just STOP GOING there. They are clearly taking advantage & will eventually distort your idea of how relationships should function. You have a true idea right now of how a relationship should be. You are still young, just try and be honest with people you meet & you may meet a girl you click with. I hope you do ☺ x

 

[tw3]

When I was a young man “on the hunt” so to speak, I usually became anxious and nervous which made those around me nervous also. The solution was to retire from the “hunt,” and just live life. I got a job and went to college at night. Before and after classes everyone sat around and talked. Eventually someone would say, “what do you think?” I just told them what I really thought; no trying to impress anyone.
After a while it got easier. I listened to the others talking and just tried to figure out what kind of persons they were. I stopped trying to impress anyone. It turned out I was pretty good in one of the classes so people asked what I answered. By participating in these casual conversations, I slowly got to know them.
I discovered that they usually showed what kind of person they really were. From there I decided who I could trust based on long term observation.
The bottom line is to begin to know what the person is like. It takes time but we can minimize the number of those who will take advantage of us. We learn who to say, “No.” to.
I hope this helps a little.