Am I just always wrong?

[Fino]

I've been teaching piano for about ten years, and on occasion a child will come in seeming upset. I will ask what's wrong or ask how they're feeling or ask if they're *insert emotion* and 99% of the time, they'll say they're good, fine, great, dandy. Do children lie about their feelings, ages 4-12, mostly 6-8? Am I just wrong every time? It happens with adults too but not as frequently. Either nobody will admit something is wrong or I'm misinterpreting like crazy.

 

[Bolletje]

As society, we’re programmed to say we’re fine, even if we’re not. This starts at a very young age. Think of toddlers falling on the ground and hurting themselves. Even they will often say they are fine, even if they’re crying. Admitting something is wrong is still often seen as weakness, sadly

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes parents shut them down, so they assume they aren't allowed to have feelings or disclose them to any adult. Alot of children are seen but not heard. Which use to be an older saying. Parents either micromanage or neglect their children, there isn't a half way point.

 

[Misery]

As society, we’re programmed to say we’re fine, even if we’re not. This starts at a very young age. Think of toddlers falling on the ground and hurting themselves. Even they will often say they are fine, even if they’re crying. Admitting something is wrong is still often seen as weakness, sadly

Aye, this one seems common to me.

There's one other thing I can think of though: I dont know about everyone else here, but I'll tend to do that very same thing and say "I'm fine" even when everything hurts, not because of it seeming weak or anything, but instead to stop the barrage of tedious follow up questions that usually comes after. Like, no, I dont feel like describing my stupid back pain for the 500th time, so... "I'm fine".

Even as a kid I tended to do that, particularly as my parents were the sort to "hover" a lot.

 

[Bolletje]

Aye, this one seems common to me.

There's one other thing I can think of though: I dont know about everyone else here, but I'll tend to do that very same thing and say "I'm fine" even when everything hurts, not because of it seeming weak or anything, but instead to stop the barrage of tedious follow up questions that usually comes after. Like, no, I dont feel like describing my stupid back pain for the 500th time, so... "I'm fine".

Even as a kid I tended to do that, particularly as my parents were the sort to "hover" a lot.

Same. Only with a very select few people do I give an honest answer when they ask me how I’m doing or what is wrong.

 

[Homulilly]

It's true that parents shut down their kids sometimes.

But, I'm wondering, what makes you think they are upset? Their actions and/or speech? Do you remember a specific example?

 

[Fino]

It's true that parents shut down their kids sometimes.

But, I'm wondering, what makes you think they are upset? Their actions and/or speech? Do you remember a specific example?

It's all based in appearance, by their face and by their actions, such as handling their piano books unusually roughly or tossing their bag when they don't usually do that, and possibly something like looking down and not at me or the way they walk in being less energetic.

Thinking of it now, maybe it's mostly just tiredness and they do feel fine, basically, but they're tired, because of school and now piano.

 

[Fino]

Thank you all for your replies!