well... I found info 'bout this forum somewhere on youtube and I figure maybe I could clarify some things 'bout AS here.
considering myself, I'm inclined to think I've got the AS or something close to this. I got over 80% in some online test on AS. and it seems like I'm pretty similar to that what ppl tell 'bout AS. but I'm still not sure. there're also many differences.
to describe myself in short the best I could say is only one word: misanthrope. contacting ppl in person annoys me (well, there're some really rare exceptions but never for too long). if there's only one person or two, I can cope. but when faced to many, I feel natural hate. neither fear, nor shame of any kind, but kinda sick, physically wrong and in urgent need to get rid of the crowd by all means. so I avoid crowded places and meetings.
in childhood I remember myself building towers of things, sorting different things all the time. I rarely played with toys. but I had not problems with speech. on the contrary, I learned reading at age of 3 - did that myself, asking adults the spelling of letters on my jacket (I had got a jacket with letters) and then they found me reading a book. I made a great advance, except of any social relations. I was an outsider, I always kept out of society and thought it was totally right. I had extremely well-developed, not childish speech and never was interested in anything that kids of the same age were busy with. to say the truth, I simply considered them retards that were not worth my attention and any trials to break my loneliness I met with aggression. I defended the territory around myself. I fought a lot in childhood, I was very aggressive. as the result, I had very few friends. I still have only a few, and I meet them once or twice a year, in average. that rare ppl that contact me do this only because we play music together. but music is the only thing I can share with others somehow.
the main problem I had in childhood was my thinking ppl were always lying. I never could understand their emotions. I could not understand why relatives smile when they meet each other, why they grasp me and kiss (I really hated this!!!). so I began my study of ppl's behavior. since then I learned a lot. I can play nearly any role. but it's still just a kind of theater play to me: I play a role, I calculate possible variants in my head. I don't have that natural skill to talk to somebody. the worst things to me are such as compassion (I don't have any and still cannot simulate it well), I rarely can feel any kind of happiness, but I have quite effective blasts of aggression instead. so negative emotions are my best "energizer", however strange that could seem. I cannot say I'm shy in communication. I'm strong and selfish. but communication definitely does not bring me any positive feelings. it annoys me really a lot. especially I dislike shallow useless chattering starting like "how-do-you-do". I usually answer "do you REALLY care?". that's my very big point: I'm obsessed with telling the truth. and can't stand at lies of any kind. this is the second reason why I have not friends: I can not tolerate liars, but ppl periodically deceive each other. but I cannot forgive.
well, I live pretty well all alone, among my pets which are reptiles, spiders and fish. I'm fond of electronics, programming and playing all kinds of bass guitars, including upright (which is quite strange for my female gender). I achieved really high techniques in playing basses. now I play for one brutal death metal band and sometimes for other projects. I have mighty vocal and sing very strange songs. but it's really difficult to me sometimes to communicate with other musicians, because I tend to restrict communication by playing only. besides music, I've got a higher math education, having very strong analythic cast of mind. I work as a hardware programmer and I really like programming: may spent hours without eat or sleep at PC (same as when I play bass). my spare time I prefer to spend at home.
that's approximately what I am.
so the question is: is that what I described the AS or something else?
considering myself, I'm inclined to think I've got the AS or something close to this. I got over 80% in some online test on AS. and it seems like I'm pretty similar to that what ppl tell 'bout AS. but I'm still not sure. there're also many differences.
to describe myself in short the best I could say is only one word: misanthrope. contacting ppl in person annoys me (well, there're some really rare exceptions but never for too long). if there's only one person or two, I can cope. but when faced to many, I feel natural hate. neither fear, nor shame of any kind, but kinda sick, physically wrong and in urgent need to get rid of the crowd by all means. so I avoid crowded places and meetings.
in childhood I remember myself building towers of things, sorting different things all the time. I rarely played with toys. but I had not problems with speech. on the contrary, I learned reading at age of 3 - did that myself, asking adults the spelling of letters on my jacket (I had got a jacket with letters) and then they found me reading a book. I made a great advance, except of any social relations. I was an outsider, I always kept out of society and thought it was totally right. I had extremely well-developed, not childish speech and never was interested in anything that kids of the same age were busy with. to say the truth, I simply considered them retards that were not worth my attention and any trials to break my loneliness I met with aggression. I defended the territory around myself. I fought a lot in childhood, I was very aggressive. as the result, I had very few friends. I still have only a few, and I meet them once or twice a year, in average. that rare ppl that contact me do this only because we play music together. but music is the only thing I can share with others somehow.
the main problem I had in childhood was my thinking ppl were always lying. I never could understand their emotions. I could not understand why relatives smile when they meet each other, why they grasp me and kiss (I really hated this!!!). so I began my study of ppl's behavior. since then I learned a lot. I can play nearly any role. but it's still just a kind of theater play to me: I play a role, I calculate possible variants in my head. I don't have that natural skill to talk to somebody. the worst things to me are such as compassion (I don't have any and still cannot simulate it well), I rarely can feel any kind of happiness, but I have quite effective blasts of aggression instead. so negative emotions are my best "energizer", however strange that could seem. I cannot say I'm shy in communication. I'm strong and selfish. but communication definitely does not bring me any positive feelings. it annoys me really a lot. especially I dislike shallow useless chattering starting like "how-do-you-do". I usually answer "do you REALLY care?". that's my very big point: I'm obsessed with telling the truth. and can't stand at lies of any kind. this is the second reason why I have not friends: I can not tolerate liars, but ppl periodically deceive each other. but I cannot forgive.
well, I live pretty well all alone, among my pets which are reptiles, spiders and fish. I'm fond of electronics, programming and playing all kinds of bass guitars, including upright (which is quite strange for my female gender). I achieved really high techniques in playing basses. now I play for one brutal death metal band and sometimes for other projects. I have mighty vocal and sing very strange songs. but it's really difficult to me sometimes to communicate with other musicians, because I tend to restrict communication by playing only. besides music, I've got a higher math education, having very strong analythic cast of mind. I work as a hardware programmer and I really like programming: may spent hours without eat or sleep at PC (same as when I play bass). my spare time I prefer to spend at home.
that's approximately what I am.
so the question is: is that what I described the AS or something else?
