Am new to this and going through a breakup

[thecrone66]

I hope someone can help me understand my situation. My ex has aspergers and I have adhd. He ended things two days ago. I'm devastated. He says because I took 2 years to understand his condition he feels betrayed and can't get passed it. I have trouble understanding things sometimes and I know it's part of my adhd so it took me awhile to understand his apergers. But i finally understand things better so i was happy to work on things now that i do. He wanted space to think about things and because during that time I kept reaching out it pushed him to walk away. We were engaged and together for two years. He still loves me and says this may be the last relationship he will be in. We have a dog that we are sharing as I moved out. I understand he's upset but for me that an unfair reason to walk away. I want him back because he was the one. Is there anything I can do to change his mind?

 

[Judge]

If there really is a chance, it must be on his momentum- not yours. Remember, you already tried to reach out and it blew up in your face. It is he who left you, and it must be he who decides to reconcile if that is to happen. No, it's not a "fair" scenario to be in. But it is what it is.

To be in such a mixed relationship often means a great deal of sacrifice for one or both persons involved. Just understand that it's not a crime if one or both of you are ultimately not up to it.

 

[Giraffes]

As i person in a relationship with 'the one' i understand your problem, my partner is a introvert and not great at expressing---- affection and reciprocation in the expected way ( who knows what expected means as it depends on individuals). I have spent the last 10mlths telling him how he makes me feel, researching via books and on-line with a partner who was confused,defensive and became more remote, i have tried to 'back off' and appreciate the 'i'm right you're wrong' approach has consistently failed leading to increased anxiety and depression. In his view Autism is a gift that has supported a life time of success in IT, we are looking to using 'Troubleshoting' as a practical non judgemental approach to the differences between us. I agree with judge in the fact that it's important to accept how things are and not how you want them to be.

 

[Lymle]

I feel dumb because I really have no advice to give here seeing as my ex thought I was too cold/distant towards him.

Just don't pursue him to hard or it could be counter productive.

But anywho, Welcome!
I'm sure things will work out if there meant to.

 

[onlything]

He clearly needs space. The best thing you can do is to let him be. If you truly understood him now, as you claim, you would know that you shouldn't reach out to him at that moment.

If you can't understand this kind of a basic need, maybe it is better that you go your separate ways. People can sometimes love one another but be incompatible in life - it doesn't make the love less meaningful but it does make a relationship much more difficult than it could be with someone else.