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An unnatural smile

Have you ever had problems with smiling or different kinds of facial expressions?

  • Yes, I would never smile and people seemed to be affected by this.

    Votes: 7 26.9%
  • Yes, my smile would be considered either unnatural, weird or unsettling.

    Votes: 11 42.3%
  • Yes, but only with different expressions like sadness, anger or concern.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Yes, with smiling only though, not other expressions.

    Votes: 3 11.5%
  • Yes, with smiling and different expressions.

    Votes: 3 11.5%
  • Yes, and I still do.

    Votes: 8 30.8%
  • Yes, I would be often seen as robotic, cold and unaffected.

    Votes: 5 19.2%
  • No, but I saw this difficulty in my friend/family member.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No, never.

    Votes: 2 7.7%
  • No, how can you even have problems with smiling or crying?

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    26

onlything

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hi there Community, today I have a small question about your experiences with 'weird' or 'unnatural' way of smiling.

As a child, I would rarely smile. On most photos you'd find me staring somewhere with widely open eyes in a kind of flat awe- or confusion-like expression. People would tell me to smile and be happy and I would answer that 'But I am'.

The thing is that my 'smile' was easilly omissed. The right corner of my mouth would go slightly to the back but that's it. Later, it evolved into full blown right-side grimace that for me was an exaggerated smile(after all, I was told to smile because good little girls are happy). It was classified as a 'weird' smile. My mother would always tell me to 'smile normally'. Only at the beginning of the middle school I realised that a real smile has two traits I never used before:
1. Visible teeth.
2. Slightly 'closed' eyes, so that they would create 'crow feet' at the corners.

With many trials I've come to know how exactly the polite, happy and friendly smile looks like. Not too much teeth('Why are you showing your teeth like that? That's weird'). Not too closed eyes('Why you always close your eyes when you smile? It's weird'). Etc.

Yet, my real smile is still either invisible or considered weird and unnatural. Lately, on facebook, I found a profile of Morgan, an aspie boy, that is updated by his parents after a severe set of bullying the poor kid had to go through. Browsing through this I realised - He has the same kind of smile I always had.

I've read once a post by an autistic teacher that said that after years he can recognise those of his pupils that are autistic. He said that they have 'an Aspie smile', whatever it means.

Do you think it is possible for aspies to recognise each other with only a smile? Not the 'polite, NT-expected' one. The real one.

If yes, where does it come from? Is it because of the problems with expressiveness? Little to no connection with the facial muscles that needs to be developed through years of trials?

Any of your thoughts are welcome.
 
Only at the beginning of the middle school I realised that a real smile has two traits I never used before:
1. Visible teeth.
2. Slightly 'closed' eyes, so that they would create 'crow feet' at the corners.

This is exactly the reason that I think people have never accepted my smile as 'correct'. I am always told "come on, smile" for pictures (repeatedly by the photographer at our wedding) and I'm always "I AM SMILING".
 
This is exactly the reason that I think people have never accepted my smile as 'correct'. I am always told "come on, smile" for pictures (repeatedly by the photographer at our wedding) and I'm always "I AM SMILING".
I find it very difficult, and always have, to smile for a picture or to smile back at someone who smiles at me for I too believe my smile is goofy looking and certainly not a comfortable look for me. People also tell me I look angry or sad even when I am happy. I feel my smile unnatural and weird so therefore, as you can see if you look at my pic, I don't smile, as my grandson would say, big. Even in my class kindergarten picture I am the only one not smiling. I had a psychologist who once told me I always had the expression of an imp, whatever the hell that meant :rolleyes:
 
I find it very difficult, and always have, to smile for a picture or to smile back at someone who smiles at me for I too believe my smile is goofy looking and certainly not a comfortable look for me. People also tell me I look angry or sad even when I am happy. I feel my smile unnatural and weird so therefore, as you can see if you look at my pic, I don't smile, as my grandson would say, big. Even in my class kindergarten picture I am the only one not smiling. I had a psychologist who once told me I always had the expression of an imp, whatever the hell that meant :rolleyes:

Expression of an imp? Now what the heck does it even mean? Aren't imps like some little fantastic creatures? Like those from Heroes Might and Magic game.
 
My mother mentioned in my assessment that there are no photos of me as a child smiling interestingly enough! I had never noticed that before, until she mentioned it. I don't know why, it just never occurred to me to smile. It wasn't that I was unhappy when the photos were being taken, it just didn't feel or come naturally to me. Even now all these years later my wife will always say "come on smile" or "make an effort!" but when I do try she will inevitably say something like "um... ok don't smile just try and look natural" which is what I was doing in the first place!

I don't know if Aspies could recognise each other with just a smile, but I have noticed many, not all, Aspie profile pics are either a straight face staring out into the lens or an awkward unnatural put on smile. I don't know why or where it comes from, but if I was to speculate it may be that we are used to hiding in plain sight or blending in chameleon style. Therefore, being thrust in front of a camera or being expected to behave like a performing monkey or everyone else around, feels awkward and unnatural to us and that is reflected in the photo, the camera never lies apparently.
 
Expression of an imp? Now what the heck does it even mean? Aren't imps like some little fantastic creatures? Like those from Heroes Might and Magic game.
something slightly angry- impish is like a naughty child ,British English definition: devilish or demonic or mischievous sprite.
 
I have a facade that I spent a long time making. I smile but my partner says my eyes dont smile so it looks unnatural and fake. I suppose it is mostly.
 
When I laugh out loud all my facial muscles are working correctly.

Stage a pose for a photograph and ask me to smile (when I'm actually feeling really self conscious and not finding anything in the least bit funny) Realistically I can't understand how I'm expected to achieve a real smile?

I'm smiling on the inside, honest !
 
So interesting! For me, my smile is there and people like it. HOWEVER if I ever STOP smiling I get all sorts of flack. What is the matter? (Nothing! I am thinking!) Smile! You look prettier when you smile! (And you sound smarter when you shut your mouth). And glances like "Is she about to go off?" (No, I am wondering about Homer, thank you).

I scare people if I don't smile. Grrrr. The author talks all about why we smile and how women in particular are MADE TO SMILE or face NT wrath........

Why Smile | W. W. Norton & Company
 
My face was too blank and apparently made me look very angry/annoyed/depressed? So I learned to start making the faces I was supposed to, only they still get misread - like, flashing a face rather than it naturally showing up on my face can make it seem too strong? I don't know. When I smile I smile too hard, too long, too much - but people usually don't complain about that. I think they may eventually mistake it for weakness/being dopey.
 
My face was too blank and apparently made me look very angry/annoyed/depressed? So I learned to start making the faces I was supposed to, only they still get misread - like, flashing a face rather than it naturally showing up on my face can make it seem too strong? I don't know. When I smile I smile too hard, too long, too much - but people usually don't complain about that. I think they may eventually mistake it for weakness/being dopey.

If you smile in the 'right' way, everything is good for NTs! I'm not saying they're not smart, just shallow. I don't mean to offend anyone now but this is my impression. Especially when I smile at work.

A few days ago I was told that I am a 'breathe of a fresh air' because of how 'real, sincere and friendly' I am. Oh irony.
 
If I smiled when I was a child, I had that wide eyed stare which was otherwise blank. As I got older it turned into that one sided smile that looked like a smirk. I'd say the feeling behind that is a half smile, half sort of sarcastic reaction I felt.
Bill Bixby, remember him from movies and The Incrdible Hulk? He had that type of smile.

But, the realistically looking happy smile can be practiced to the point it can be applied as needed and looks the same everytime. I was taught by a friend who is an actor how to create the instant 'smiley' for a photo.
I can do that now anytime I take a selfie.
:p
 
I have always been a huge smiler; but I know when it becomes uncomfortable or false; it feels plasted on my face and hollow to my ears and I know that I need to get away fast, before I react.
 
I suck at pictures unless they just take it without bugging me...

I think its because I have to suddenly shift from the million things I am processing to fake something for someone to make them happy, and they are forcing me to take a picture. Sometimes I'm an ass and just say no thank you and go on my way...

I have been told many times, "see you can smile" (if they take a picture and I'm not asked to pose)...
Its something to do with posing maybe... I suck at it, and try to avoid it as much as possible.
In normal life I don't look angry, but I don't really smile... If I look how I feel then I look LOST mostly. : )

Otherwise I have to fake how I don't feel and it comes across as horribly FAKE... If I have done something or accomplished something, and someone just snaps a pic, its usually okay but I still hate pictures mostly.

My stubbornness gets me in lots of messes with my wife's family who seems to film everything and I get a little angry over it. I just want to be me and not have a damn camera in my face 24/7. Maybe thats selfish, if so then it is what it is, I guess. I just don't understand when people are forcing someone to be uncomfortable and it comes off as horrible... Then calling the uncomfortable person selfish and then the pic sucks and they want to do it again...

Basically I cant even write on here, what I am wanting to go tell them to do to themselves...
I should feel shamed, but I don't... Maybe that is ASD-or maybe just me being a jerk.
 
In most of my photos i fake smile ... Not sure if it looks fake or not to others. Looks kind of believable to me, it takes like 20 photos to get the right fake smile to my liking though lol
 
I suck at pictures unless they just take it without bugging me...

I think its because I have to suddenly shift from the million things I am processing to fake something for someone to make them happy, and they are forcing me to take a picture. Sometimes I'm an ass and just say no thank you and go on my way...

I have been told many times, "see you can smile" (if they take a picture and I'm not asked to pose)...
Its something to do with posing maybe... I suck at it, and try to avoid it as much as possible.
In normal life I don't look angry, but I don't really smile... If I look how I feel then I look LOST mostly. : )

Otherwise I have to fake how I don't feel and it comes across as horribly FAKE... If I have done something or accomplished something, and someone just snaps a pic, its usually okay but I still hate pictures mostly.

My stubbornness gets me in lots of messes with my wife's family who seems to film everything and I get a little angry over it. I just want to be me and not have a damn camera in my face 24/7. Maybe thats selfish, if so then it is what it is, I guess. I just don't understand when people are forcing someone to be uncomfortable and it comes off as horrible... Then calling the uncomfortable person selfish and then the pic sucks and they want to do it again...

Basically I cant even write on here, what I am wanting to go tell them to do to themselves...
I should feel shamed, but I don't... Maybe that is ASD-or maybe just me being a jerk.

Camera 24/7..? Okay, now it's my personal hell. I can't understand how you can be this patient, I would just tell them to leave me alone(in a slightly harsher words). It's completely insensitive to still take photos of somebody all the time when they told you they're not comfortable with that at all.
 
from what i know of the uk its illegal.to photograph someone without their permission orrecord
Camera 24/7..? Okay, now it's my personal hell. I can't understand how you can be this patient, I would just tell them to leave me alone(in a slightly harsher words). It's completely insensitive to still take photos of somebody all the time when they told you they're not comfortable with that at all.
 
from what i know of the uk its illegal.to photograph someone without their permission orrecord

Street its always in a private setting... I wish it was illegal ... : )

For instance...
Yesterday... Another birthday (my father-in-law)... 4 freaking weekends in a row we have had to celebrate birthdays... I dislike this (even for my own). I try to always go off by myself on my birthday - thats my birthday present, to be left alone.

Yesterday, the whole time... 10 people were filming or taking pictures... While we were eating, when they opened presents, and anything else possible... Everyone was eating it up except me, and I actually got slightly pissed off and left very early before everyone else, but then again I tend to do that a lot.

Its just too much... To try and eat and listen to all these people and have someone say, "smile, look at me like you care, try and pretend you like it!"... All I wanted to do was flip one specific person off, and call her a really bad name. This person KNOWS this bothers me deeply, and she was trying her best to make me be ugly in front of her family... For those of you who know me, you can guess easily who this person is...

So I'm supposed to look like I am in a good mood when inside I want to choke the living s--t out of someone, only to hear, "you always look so angry." Well maybe its because I'm not a fake and I really am angry and pissed off... because you won't leave me alone...grrrrrrrr

I'm better now... : )
 
youre stuffed .
do you think you could say no assertively and calmly, like children they feed on anger .I try to be assertive but im always completely shattered.
Street its always in a private setting... I wish it was illegal ... : )

For instance...
Yesterday... Another birthday (my father-in-law)... 4 freaking weekends in a row we have had to celebrate birthdays... I dislike this (even for my own). I try to always go off by myself on my birthday - thats my birthday present, to be left alone.

Yesterday, the whole time... 10 people were filming or taking pictures... While we were eating, when they opened presents, and anything else possible... Everyone was eating it up except me, and I actually got slightly pissed off and left very early before everyone else, but then again I tend to do that a lot.

Its just too much... To try and eat and listen to all these people and have someone say, "smile, look at me like you care, try and pretend you like it!"... All I wanted to do was flip one specific person off, and call her a really bad name. This person KNOWS this bothers me deeply, and she was trying her best to make me be ugly in front of her family... For those of you who know me, you can guess easily who this person is...

So I'm supposed to look like I am in a good mood when inside I want to choke the living s--t out of someone, only to hear, "you always look so angry." Well maybe its because I'm not a fake and I really am angry and pissed off... because you won't leave me alone...grrrrrrrr

I'm better now... : )
 

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