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Another one bites the dust, from Finland

H

Henrik

New Member
Hi everyone!

I'm a guy from Finland with 32 years of weirdness. I joined this seemingly lively forum because there isn't yet an adult autism forum in my country. Several men in my family have autistic features, including myself, and I recently had that "everything makes sense now" moment that many others on this forum have experienced.

Working as an architect, having a partner and behaving normally most of the time, my life has seemed balanced and successful at a glance. But because of significant but failed effort to diminish my disabilities and to become my ideal self, I have always struggled and lived in a state of confusion, dropping down twice to moderate depression.

I will most likely discuss topics regarding lifestyle, employment and relationships. I'm solution oriented and will not get involved in complaining (note to self!). My things are listed below.

My spectrum things:
My brain underperforms when many things are going on, leading to:
  • situational cluelessness in social situations
  • lowered awareness of physical surroundings
  • slow processing speed (response appears in mind when it's already too late)
Forgetfullness, absent mindedness:
  • E.g. when leaving the house, struggling to get everything I need with me. Not uncommon to have an item in one hand > having any short thought about something else > awareness of item gets wiped out > start searching for the item in my apartment, while still holding that item.
  • difficulty keeping up with any schedule
I've other features often linked to autism but decided not to list them as unlike the above, I think they may not be permanent features but normal, even positive ones, only enhanced to exceptional levels due to having spent more time in isolation.
 
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Welcome! I'm originally from Latvia/Russia and from what I know mainland Europe still has some catching up to do in way of supporting and even recognising conditions such as these. We're from all over here so I hope you'll explore and join in. :)
 
Welcome henrik! You will find it very helpful here. I know I have. It’s a very positive and safe place to share your thoughts and answer your questions and just be 100% yourself. That’s invaluable for me because I spend so much of my life having to try and conform and fail and then try and pick up the pieces. And the vast majority keeping to myself because it’s easier and less stressful. Here, you can be alone but with genuine love and support at the same time. I hope you get a lot of positives from here xx
 
Hi Henrik

welcome to af.png
 
Henrik said:
Hi everyone!

I'm a guy from Finland with 32 years of weirdness. I joined this seemingly lively forum because there isn't yet an adult autism forum in my country. Several men in my family have autistic features, including myself, and I recently had that "everything makes sense now" moment that many others on this forum have experienced.

Working as an architect, having a partner and behaving normally most of the time, my life has seemed balanced and successful at a glance. But because of significant but failed effort to diminish my disabilities and to become my ideal self, I have always struggled and lived in a state of confusion, dropping down twice to moderate depression.

I will most likely discuss topics regarding lifestyle, employment and relationships. I'm solution oriented and will not get involved in complaining (note to self!). My things are listed below.

My spectrum things:
My brain underperforms when many things are going on, leading to:
  • situational cluelessness in social situations
  • lowered awareness of physical surroundings
  • slow processing speed (eg. response appears in mind when it's already too late)
Forgetfullness, absent mindedness:
  • E.g. when leaving the house, struggling to get everything I need with me. Not uncommon to have an item in one hand > having any short thought about something else > awareness of item gets wiped out > start searching for the item in my apartment, while still holding that item.
  • difficulty keeping up with any schedule
I've other features often linked to autism but decided not to list them as unlike the above, I think they may not be permanent features but normal, even positive ones, only enhanced to exceptional levels due to having spent more time in isolation.
Click to expand...

Welcome! I deal with architects often.
 
Hi Henrik
Welcome to the forum. I'm in the UK and as @Monachopia said above, there's people from all over the world in this community. It's very accepting here and most people are very willing to offer help and advice when needed. I hope you enjoy it here.
 
Thanks everyone!

Monachopia said:
I'm originally from Latvia/Russia
Click to expand...

It's great to know it's international, I actually didn't check for diversity before I joined. I lived in Moscow as a toddler, also drove through Latvia and spent a night on a field this summer!

Tanyax said:
I spend so much of my life having to try and conform and fail and then try and pick up the pieces. And the vast majority keeping to myself because it’s easier and less stressful.
Click to expand...

I'd enjoy discussing this conforming vs. being open (about one's disabilities) issue with you and others.

disconnected said:
I deal with architects often.
Click to expand...

Nice. I feel your pain man ;)
 
Henrik said:
It's great to know it's international, I actually didn't check for diversity before I joined.
Click to expand...

Being an English speaking forum it's got a significant number of US, UK and Australasian members, but off the top of my head there's regular contributors in France, Norway, The Netherlands, South America, Africa and now Finland :)
 
Well, I don’t know what to say really @Henrik. I have a family and I always seem to say the wrong thing. I’m told all the time that I’m so annoying. That’s hard and it’s hurtful. I am told to be quiet. I find that very difficult but I do try just to appease people. My presence on its own annoys people. Hence why it’s best to give them a break from me and keep to myself a lot. I wish they could just love me for who I am but clearly I’m not easy to be around. When I finally realised I had Aspergers (I’m 41), honestly, I was floored. I had the answers to all the questions that had plagued me finally but that meant that I couldn’t change. I couldn’t ‘get better’ and that meant that I was always going to struggle and my relationships were always going to this hard. Forever. I feel guilt and shame that I can’t be the mother etc that they want me to be. I know it isn’t my fault but they don’t understand it enough and aren’t interested enough to try to. It just seems like an excuse for being a sub par human being to them. That’s why I like it here. I’m not a sub human. Conforming for me is a tough one. I either have to be quiet or keep away. Neither of which I want to do. Not as much as what I do anyway. I do get lonely and I do miss my kids very much but I don’t want to upset or unsettle anyone that I love. Instead of trying to talk to them now, like I used to, to tell that how I felt. I just write pages of thoughts and feelings to them and then just keep them. Whenever I send a long text they tell me that they never even read it and it just makes me look weirder. It annoys them. Honestly, I feel sorry for them. I want to be the mum they want and not be the person I am for them. That’s sad for me and for them, but what can you do? I am who I am and I can’t change that. If they understood me more it might be better for all of us but they don’t want to. I can’t make anyone understand me. I can’t even understand myself so I can’t blame them for that. It’s just sad. I’m crying just writing this. I desperately want things to get better but I don’t see how it can, there is no escaping myself and who I am.
 
Bites the Dust? I hope you don't feel ASD=death sentence? :-)
 
Tanyax said:
I can’t make anyone understand me.
Click to expand...

I think people who are somewhat similar could have more acceptance and understanding, in real life as on this forum. Considering your kids, maybe they need to get closer to adulthood to reach the level of contact you have been longing for. The texts you have written and saved can have incredible power when the kids are ready for it. It can be a long wait so meanwhile, I wish you find a friend who enjoys your company.
 
Hi Henrik and welcome to this forum. I totally agree about not wanting the noise and you won't find too much of that here. It's a very pleasant place to just relax and be yourself.
 
Bites the Dust?
I thought it was a reference to the song,
and the common expression for....failure.

The origins of 'another one bites the dust'


Lyrics
Oh, let's go
Steve walks warily down the street
With the brim pulled way down low
Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet,
Machine guns ready to go
Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this?
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I'm gonna get you, too
Another one bites the dust
How do you think I'm going to get along
Without you when you're gone?
You took me for everything that I had
And kicked me out on my own
Are you happy, are you satisfied?
How long can you stand the heat?
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I'm gonna get you, too
Another one bites the dust
Hey
Oh take it
Bite the dust
Bite the dust
Hey
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust oww
Another one bites the dust hey hey
Another one bites the dust eh eh
Oh shooter
There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him, you can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him when he's down
But I'm ready, yes, I'm ready for you
I'm standing on my own two feet
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
Repeating to the sound of the beat oh yeah
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I'm gonna get you, too
Another one bites the dust
Oh shooter hey hey, all right
 
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