This would be a rehash of someother ideas I had but I find important ot pu tin their own thread instead of how I used them as reply before. These problems/issues have ruined my life since I was born and had to interact with people and continue to plague my very exisatence in every conceivable place where others are. They make me withdraw even more into being by myself and not wanting anyone else. It's a tough situation when you know you don't want anything to do with anyone else yet you need others just to exist because you are basicall an invalid and useless to yourself and the world. Therefore I collect disability and contemplate when I am going to actually end it all once and for all...
This has to do with life. I have lived my life with these same dsabilities and have others either prey on me by bullying me, teasing me, making fun of me, or ostracizing me. But then there's the invisibility thing as I have seen others make reference to. Noone has ever paid attention to my needs, my thoughts, words, my anything. They have disrespected me a million times over in social situations and then force me to have to take a negative route and start arguments with idiots just for them to even acknowledge I'm speaking. They wonder why I couldn't ever and never will be able to get along or have normal interactions. I may be disabled, but they use my vulnerabilities against me and will not act like decent human beings and treat me with any kind of respect. So I get frustrated and speak up only to be disrespected even more such as how others have mentioned they do. They want me to just stay out of the picture and disappear and when I try to insert myself into any sort of normalcy that's where the double standards come into play. Double standards in that they can say and do what they want, but I can't say or do those same things or face ridicule or disdain by the group or by others in general. I just had this in an asperger's chat room earlier. I very rarely say anything because I can't relate to them because to be honest most of them come off as no better than nt's to me. Normal as can be. They play the whople social game, interact normally, and get along just fine. They all get to talk and people listen and respect them, what a concept. They are all fake and phony as can be and everything I see in nt's. While my impairments are far beyond the scope of their limited understanding. Yet they whine about their own problems which are so minimal it is pitiful. They won't even listen to my inpu ton things when I have far more experience in being mistreated and living these specific issues to a level of a million, yet they just are stuck in their narrow-minded ignorance. The things they mention in their half-hearted half-diagnoses are nothing compared to what I have lived with in a completely autistic life that I should have and would have killed myself every day for years. I am just so tired of being around people not like me, even the aspies I meet online seem as normal as nt's and therefore just as annoying, selfish, mean, and uncaring as the nt's I despise. They won't give me any sort of respect or realize how difficult it is for me to even process everything going on in this horrible sped up group setting where it is nearly impossible for me to even respond and I go blank. Too fast and too many things going on, but they just chug along like it's easy and when someone more impaired then them finally treis to say somehting, they make fun of them or just ignore them. How hypocritical is that? Aren't they supposed to be aspies and know ridicule and abuse? When I say something it's met with ignorance or being ignored. I have left so many places in life from no good people that I wish would burn but they hold peaches and cream lives and sat in judegement of me when they have no conception of what hell is to live in this body, this brain, this world. I have left many places on the net from people hurting me and this is no exception. I was actually threatended by a moderator on this site and others not to express my opniions because he deemed them disrespectful or such. They don't even know me or know how hard it is to even exist, not live. Yet they pass judgement on me? When everyone else can curse and say offensive things and nothing is done to them? Seems the same hypocritical behavior continues to goo on everywhere. And I hate them all for it. And it looks like Im leaving that aspie chatroom now too. Either I quit or get banned from everywhere. Or quit or get fired fr0om every job. The same stories have been playing out ytime and time again for me when I haven't done anything wrong but just be me. This is why I hate people and wish all the bad that I live with on them. I have left every place in real life where others hurt me and I wished them to all die a fiery death boiled in their own ignorance and narrow-minded oblivion. I honestly don't want anythin to do with anyone anywhere. I have withdrawn and faced solitude for years, and I don't think I will ever even try to have one friend, or do any other thing all the normals do without even thinking twice. I will continue to struggle just to do every single task and all the while think of how I need to end this. I have never accomplished any of the milestones everyone else in the whole world has done, and it just makes me more and more lonely and frustrated thinking about it. But the more I stay away from people and not go on the internet or any public places or have any connection with people the better I feel. Always been that way and until I kill myself, this will have to be the way.
/sean/
This has to do with life. I have lived my life with these same dsabilities and have others either prey on me by bullying me, teasing me, making fun of me, or ostracizing me. But then there's the invisibility thing as I have seen others make reference to. Noone has ever paid attention to my needs, my thoughts, words, my anything. They have disrespected me a million times over in social situations and then force me to have to take a negative route and start arguments with idiots just for them to even acknowledge I'm speaking. They wonder why I couldn't ever and never will be able to get along or have normal interactions. I may be disabled, but they use my vulnerabilities against me and will not act like decent human beings and treat me with any kind of respect. So I get frustrated and speak up only to be disrespected even more such as how others have mentioned they do. They want me to just stay out of the picture and disappear and when I try to insert myself into any sort of normalcy that's where the double standards come into play. Double standards in that they can say and do what they want, but I can't say or do those same things or face ridicule or disdain by the group or by others in general. I just had this in an asperger's chat room earlier. I very rarely say anything because I can't relate to them because to be honest most of them come off as no better than nt's to me. Normal as can be. They play the whople social game, interact normally, and get along just fine. They all get to talk and people listen and respect them, what a concept. They are all fake and phony as can be and everything I see in nt's. While my impairments are far beyond the scope of their limited understanding. Yet they whine about their own problems which are so minimal it is pitiful. They won't even listen to my inpu ton things when I have far more experience in being mistreated and living these specific issues to a level of a million, yet they just are stuck in their narrow-minded ignorance. The things they mention in their half-hearted half-diagnoses are nothing compared to what I have lived with in a completely autistic life that I should have and would have killed myself every day for years. I am just so tired of being around people not like me, even the aspies I meet online seem as normal as nt's and therefore just as annoying, selfish, mean, and uncaring as the nt's I despise. They won't give me any sort of respect or realize how difficult it is for me to even process everything going on in this horrible sped up group setting where it is nearly impossible for me to even respond and I go blank. Too fast and too many things going on, but they just chug along like it's easy and when someone more impaired then them finally treis to say somehting, they make fun of them or just ignore them. How hypocritical is that? Aren't they supposed to be aspies and know ridicule and abuse? When I say something it's met with ignorance or being ignored. I have left so many places in life from no good people that I wish would burn but they hold peaches and cream lives and sat in judegement of me when they have no conception of what hell is to live in this body, this brain, this world. I have left many places on the net from people hurting me and this is no exception. I was actually threatended by a moderator on this site and others not to express my opniions because he deemed them disrespectful or such. They don't even know me or know how hard it is to even exist, not live. Yet they pass judgement on me? When everyone else can curse and say offensive things and nothing is done to them? Seems the same hypocritical behavior continues to goo on everywhere. And I hate them all for it. And it looks like Im leaving that aspie chatroom now too. Either I quit or get banned from everywhere. Or quit or get fired fr0om every job. The same stories have been playing out ytime and time again for me when I haven't done anything wrong but just be me. This is why I hate people and wish all the bad that I live with on them. I have left every place in real life where others hurt me and I wished them to all die a fiery death boiled in their own ignorance and narrow-minded oblivion. I honestly don't want anythin to do with anyone anywhere. I have withdrawn and faced solitude for years, and I don't think I will ever even try to have one friend, or do any other thing all the normals do without even thinking twice. I will continue to struggle just to do every single task and all the while think of how I need to end this. I have never accomplished any of the milestones everyone else in the whole world has done, and it just makes me more and more lonely and frustrated thinking about it. But the more I stay away from people and not go on the internet or any public places or have any connection with people the better I feel. Always been that way and until I kill myself, this will have to be the way.
/sean/
