another sister gripe

[Pats]

I understood my sisters having a hard time grasping my autism when diagnosed a few years ago. Both were like: nothing's wrong with you, you're just you. Well, true - but that "you" is on the spectrum. I guess my oldest sister decided to handle it by claiming to probably being on the spectrum, too. But it lead to her responses when I relate something autistic that I tend to do with "oh yeah, me too." I think it's just to shut me up, because her 'me too's' are not what she does.

Before the diagnosis she admitted that she would not know what I was experiencing when I would talk about living in a box or feeling afraid of being caught or living in my own little world and so on and on. But now it's, "me,too".

 

[Owliet]

I understood my sisters having a hard time grasping my autism when diagnosed a few years ago. Both were like: nothing's wrong with you, you're just you. Well, true - but that "you" is on the spectrum. I guess my oldest sister decided to handle it by claiming to probably being on the spectrum, too. But it lead to her responses when I relate something autistic that I tend to do with "oh yeah, me too." I think it's just to shut me up, because her 'me too's' are not what she does.

Before the diagnosis she admitted that she would not know what I was experiencing when I would talk about living in a box or feeling afraid of being caught or living in my own little world and so on and on. But now it's, "me,too".

maybe your sister feels guilty? Is that a possibility? When I was diagnosed, my sister was constantly saying that I wasn’t special, and that I was still me. But then that shifted with her saying specific things I do, she does too when she didn’t and has never done those specific ASD things. Now it has stopped as I’ve gotten older, it’s no longer new and I’ve accepted
that I am the way I am. Maybe it’s a bizarre way of trying to “normalize”?? Obviously, this may not apply but NTs do do weird things to sympathize and form bonds to understand.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Sometimes these sorts of comments come out of trying to have some empathy,...as if to say, "You're not alone". "Oh, everyone has their autistic moments,...you're fine,...it's just a label." However, to us,...on the receiving end,...especially when they clearly do not understand how pervasive the symptomatology is,...it just comes off as minimizing. This can make us upset.

On some level, I think these comments come from a good place,...but, perhaps we don't communicate well in the moment. By that, I mean, yes, neurotypicals can experience many sporadic moments that may also be autistic symptomatology. When we bring up the one or two things that bother us in the moment, they too, can think of a time in which they experienced the same thing. However, what they often don't understand is that you just complained of 1, 2, 3 things in that moment,...and not realizing it is a tiny sample of nearly 100 social, communication, sensory, intellectual symptoms that are pervasive,...not once in a while.

The human mind can often empathize and sympathize with physical conditions and emotional states,...but it appears that even a neurotypical will often lack the "theory of mind" when it comes to how another's brain is functioning. I had an eye exam recently with my ophthalmologist,...then had me try to describe the experience of having Visual Snow Syndrome to her. She was genuinely interested. I could see her sincerely trying to imagine this in her mind, but she couldn't.

I think there can be quite a disconnect when it comes to describing neurological conditions to someone who doesn't have that condition.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Since my autism was not diagnosed until age 60, nobody paid attention to my social deficiencies, as if it was a choice. I struggle at the thought that people thought I was normal and offered no help. It may have been a blessing in disguise because, in the end, I was able to eventually learn to be social as my emotional maturity caught up, without masking.

 

[Kalinychta]

Do you have a good relationship with her generally, or is she frequently disrespectful to you? What she’s doing seems sort of passive aggressive to me, like she’s trying to deny your diagnosis just to irritate or hurt you.

 

[OkRad]

It does run in families. Maybe she feels a relief of some sort and want to be closer. It's nice she wants to connect!

 

[Pats]

Do you have a good relationship with her generally, or is she frequently disrespectful to you? What she’s doing seems sort of passive aggressive to me, like she’s trying to deny your diagnosis just to irritate or hurt you.

I think it's to shut me up. She has certain statements she makes to my other sister to do the same, which she has told me about. If it weren't for the 'oh, yeah', which is like an 'I forgot' I might think she really means "me, too". I hate when she does it. Maybe I should talk about it further and ask her questions about hers. I need to ask her what some of the things she has always struggled with all her life is. I don't think there is any, at least that she has ever mentioned.

 

[watersprite]

Pats I’m wondering do you have a way, a place, to spend time on your own? Or with others, to give you a breath of fresh air so to speak?

 

[Streetwise]

I understood my sisters having a hard time grasping my autism when diagnosed a few years ago. Both were like: nothing's wrong with you, you're just you. Well, true - but that "you" is on the spectrum. I guess my oldest sister decided to handle it by claiming to probably being on the spectrum, too. But it lead to her responses when I relate something autistic that I tend to do with "oh yeah, me too." I think it's just to shut me up, because her 'me too's' are not what she does.

Before the diagnosis she admitted that she would not know what I was experiencing when I would talk about living in a box or feeling afraid of being caught or living in my own little world and so on and on. But now it's, "me,too".

maybe shes near a narcissist