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Another Strange Grocery Store Experience

Soup

Soup

Well-Known Member
I don't know what it IS with me & grocery stores. I try to go during off hours, I use self-check outs, & I park right near the exit. I don't interfere with or bug anyone & I often do my shopping online. So....why do things keep happening to me?

I went to the grocery store today during off hours, This store doesn't have self check-out or internet ordering but they carry what I needed. I got in line at the express 8 items or less cash. Suddenly, some woman in line behind me TAPPED ME ON THE SHOULDER (I HATE being touched: esp by a strange person!!!). I froze & stiffened & she got a world-class Aspie stare.

She began lecturing me about being in that line because it is for people with 8 items or less. How could she see how many items I had when she was BEHIND me? Does this NT have X-ray vision? I turned, ignoring her & began placing my items on the conveyor belt.

She opened her mouth again, but this time, not touching me (the freeze & stare worked!). She said I had too many items. I ignored her again. When she opened her mouth again, I held up each item, like on Sesame Street & counted them out one by one. I had 7 items. I told this woman to shut her mouth, leave me alone & never touch or speak to me again. She became apologetic, but I wasn't about to listen to anything else from her.

What the heck happened? What sort of an interaction was that?
 
She may have been stuck behind rule-breakers one too many times, and had had enough. In your case, she was mistaken. To her credit, she tried to apologize for her mistake.
 
She did indeed. But before correcting someone, aren't you supposed to check to be certain that the person is indeed wrong? Also, what was she thinking in tapping me like that: isn't there some social rule about not just touching a strange person?
 
I had people doing the hand-in-shoulder thing. If I am unaware of their presence, I just scream loud like a little girl and jump. Doesn't happen often, I'm usually very aware of who/what around me for this very reason. When somebody approaches, I stop what I'm doing and don't continue until they leave. If they don't leave, I leave and come back later.
 
well, I'm glad this bully got a nice little backfire on their plan. it makes me wonder what THEY expected the outcome of such behavior to be. you having 9 items and going to a different line? I mean I typically notice people around me if I know I'm near the limit and they have 2 things whn there is no self check and kind of yield by pretending I'm still shopping. I think that bullies are always looking for people to step on and they spy us from miles away. perhaps she really just made an error counting and felt a duty to engage that.
 
She should have made sure she had her facts right before accosting you!-However(correct/forgive me if I am wrong) but your Aspie stare sounds more like a malevolent/aggressive stare-not a blank one -there appeared to be malice in it from what you have written
 
@Soup This did not come across well-sorry- but I did reedit and expand-the time ran out- another reason I do not write long posts on this site is the annoying 15 minute reediting limit-some of us have writing and processing difficulties and this is putting me off interacting with longer posts. Anyway I shall try

The point I was trying to make was that we can only control how we react to situations not the other way round-what many who are not on the spectrum do not realize, is the impact these unplanned, unexpected and often shocking interactions have on those on the spectrum-I too experience this scenario happen often-it is the reason I isolate so much-I have to wait until my confidence levels have risen and my capacity to handle sensory overload is at a sufficiently handle-able level to go to the supermarket or town or where ever.

I always used to think people could tell how I was feeling but recently I have changed my opinion-I believe that most people are so caught up in their own lives as to be totally oblivious to the feelings of others-they act before they think-if we believe something bad will happen when we go out it invariably does-bad for us is often just normal interaction to others-so when we are questioned or someone challenges us unexpectedly we often do not react well-we have to find our individual coping strategies-even then we do not possess a crystal ball so can not plan for all eventualities-we need food for ourselves and our kids so we have to go out.

When we are having a particularly bad day and sensory overload is at meltdown levels we do not want any interaction even when someone only means well-Go away go away go away is what we seem to be saying silently-what happens?-everybody wants to be in your face!! thats life folks!! sometimes for us it sucks!!:smoke:
 
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I took no offence whatsoever at what you said & I acknowledge that my blank stare (esp if something unexpected has occurred) can appear disturbing. The thing is, I'm so short & small (I'm 5'1" & slim) that even if I were to bare my teeth & growl like a dog I'd look more like a floppy eared puppy playing with a toy than anyone truly threatening (or like some poor sick woman).

I WAS tempted to squash a grapefruit on her head (she was tall: I'd have needed a ladder) or share one of a dozen eggs with her, I admit. What gets me is the way so many people think that they are somehow cops or working with store security.
 
G'Day there rolo,
if it helps at all, I tend to write out my posts in Microsoft Word and besides the handy spellchecker, it gives me time to go over what I wrote and maybe amend anything before I commit to the completed post.
 
Well, you handles that well. Did she think she was the grocery police or something? I would have gotten aggressive with her...

I also have issues with grocery stores, but I go frequently. I like self-checkout. I get irate due to people being in the middle of the isle with a buggy talking like it's a social convention!
 
I have learned that some people are just ignorant but they seem to get away with ignoring the social niceties whereas if WE break the rules we are singled out. Go figure.

A lot of people are just plain rude. This morning at the coffee shop I was at the counter starting to place my order when a woman and her two daughters came in and before I knew it they had pushed me aside and began to place their order. I thought it was pretty rude but didn't say anything. Because I have learned that society has changed a lot since I was taught the rules about interrupting and so forth. I always was told that if you have to interrupt you say excuse me first. That apparently is no longer the case. Now if someone interrupts me, and the person I was talking to allows it, I just walk away.

I was sitting in church one day when the woman next to me reached over and took one of my earrings out without even asking me if it was all right because she wanted to look at it more closely. Now, she KNOWS I am Aspie and she KNOWS that we do not react well to things like that, YET SHE STILL DID IT. She was lucky that I have been socialized enough that I did not have a meltdown right in the middle of the service. But I did not like it. The thing is, I was brought up to be polite and not make a fuss about things like that but inwardly I was seething. It is very difficult because of my conditioning for me to speak up in certain situations and I think people take advantage of it, that they do and say things to me when I am in a place where speaking up would cause more issues than remaining silent. And I think this is what is happening with this woman at the grocery store.
 
Soup said:
I took no offence whatsoever at what you said & I acknowledge that my blank stare (esp if something unexpected has occurred) can appear disturbing. The thing is, I'm so short & small (I'm 5'1" & slim) that even if I were to bare my teeth & growl like a dog I'd look more like a floppy eared puppy playing with a toy than anyone truly threatening (or like some poor sick woman).

I WAS tempted to squash a grapefruit on her head (she was tall: I'd have needed a ladder) or share one of a dozen eggs with her, I admit. What gets me is the way so many people think that they are somehow cops or working with store security.
Click to expand...

Richard said that my grrs, and my mean look is cute. I told him i was gonna go down to the grocery store and practice scowling at people, he didn't that was a good idea in stockton.
 
Spinning Compass I think you handled that real well. If it was me I would have put her in her place even with a few choice words if children were not present.
I only witnessed someone do that once at a home depot. Some punk around 17-18 pushed some customers stuff out of the way to cut in front of him big mistake!
The customer was in his late 50's and 6' 12" so he grabbed him by the throat and had him a foot off the ground. While nearly pissing himself he apologized and
was kicked out of the store.
 
" She was lucky that I have been socialized enough that I did not have a meltdown right in the middle of the service." -SpinningCompass

She's lucky you also have a lot of class. Manners & mannerisms can be learned. Class is one of those 'either you have it or you don't' kind of things. Like flaming red hair, it can be faked, but it comes off looking affected & forced. YOU have it. SHE doesn't. I was really surprised by your post! It's astounding that anyone would do this to some other person. Many people (not just Aspies) would've clocked her one, screamed out is shock, "HEY!!! What the HELL do you think you're doing?!?" or "Get your hands off of me!" I'm astounded by how you remained so calm. Did you speak to the woman later or just take back your earring (once it had passed inspection), pull yourself together & let it go? She is not only rude & inconsiderate, but an aggressive person. If you know bloody well that someone becomes upset being touched, unless it is to yank them out of the way of a speeding car, you don't freakin' touch them.

Something less aggressive (since these were strange people who had no clue I have issues with any kind of touching) happened to me too. My engagement ring/wedding band set is...well...really sparkly & eye-catching. Amongst some people, it is a 'statement ring'. The only things it ever says to me are, "You are married." and "I am shiny."
One of my Aspie traits (I'm more like an Autie in this regard) is an attraction to sparkly things: I can get lost in the sparkle effect of the sunlight on water, squinting & looking at Christmas lights, flickering flames in a candle or in the fireplace, sparkly gemstones etc. These are all the same to me & I can get captivated & lost in them.

Anyhow, I was in a restaurant. My husband had to step out & take a few business calls since the clanking dishes, low chatter & music rendered it hard for him to hear. My hand was on the menu & I was perusing the options (...checking out the soups, predictably!). Some strange woman grasped my hand & began examining my rings (!!!) She was clearly half admiring/half catty (checking to see if it was fake). I snatched my hand back & just stared at her in astonishment. She sputtered a little & said, "My goodness, your ring is lovely! Wherever did you get it?" Awkwardly, I told her Diamonds by Lauren. She walked away in somewhat of a huff as if I had done something to HER! This type of thing happened several times & now, with rare exceptions, I only wear my plain gold wedding band out (like a dowdy woman in a tv ad for household schlock like carpeting, dishwasher pods or paper towels!). Nobody notices my plain boring band (that I actually really like). I take the sparkly one out & light a candle to watch it in as a stim just to disappear into the facets. Bye Bye snooty ladies!
 
wow, i cannot believe that she tapped you on the shoulder. I would have totally flipped out on her, especially when she started accusing me of having "too many items" when i didn't even have "the limit." Another thing is, at walmart late at night, usually they only have one line open and that is usually the "10 items or less" line. there have been a few times that i have been in that line with more then 10 items and was there for a long time before someone else came up behind me. I would get people looking at me with this stare like "wtf are you doing in this line" and i would give them a look back like "it's the only freaking line STFU"
 
I just took back the earring and didn't say anything. The next time, though, I will say, "please ask." I don't think she is a malicious person, just ignorant.
 
Wow. All these stories remind me of toddlers who grab, who get older and become preschoolers who grab, and no one ever makes them stop grabbing. I had someone offer to pop a zit for me once and I was horrified- but she still gave me the option to decline! My goodness, what if she grabbed my face? Oh well. I do stupid things enough that I shouldn't judge. But c'mon, lady, count before you accuse! I'm so glad you counted for her, Soup! I wouldn't call that an NT behavior. Maybe she's an NT but something was off.
 
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