Another thing at school (apologies to those of you who are sick of these threads I know I do a lot.)

[Horsegirl]

Theres a kid in my gym class who I feel immensely bad for. I want to help him. But I don't know how. He came to school today with a huge red handprint on his face. I don't know where it came from. That happens all the time, like once a week I'll see him like that. And the teachers aren't all that nice to him either. The teachers at my school suck for the most part. Today he fell and cut his knee and it was bleeding everywhere. He wanted to go clean himself up (he was bleeding a fair amount) and the teacher said no. Is it just me, or is that just not right? And the kids at school are awful to him. I saw him get his face slammed into a locker today. I wanted to do something, because that has happened to me and I know how it feels, but my feet wouldn't move and my mouth wouldn't speak. Now I feel terrible, I should have done something.
And also, I'm 99% sure he's on the autism spectrum somehow. I don't know how to explain it, he just acts like he is. I don't know what his name is or anything. But he just looks like he needs help. Everyone is so mean to him, I'm hoping to heck that those red marks that are sometimes on him are from bullies not from somebody else outside of school.
I feel really guilty that I haven't done anything. But is there really anything I can do? There must be something, but I don't know what.

 

[Progster]

If he's bleeding, the teachers should send him to the nurse/medical room to have it cleaned and a plaster put over the wound to prevent it becoming infected. Not allowing him to do so is negligence on the part of the teachers, and irresponsible.

You can help him. Try to talk to him, ask him if he is ok and needs help. Let him know that you will help him and listen if he needs to talk. It will help him to know that he has an ally and someone has his back.

 

[Horsegirl]

If he's bleeding, the teachers should send him to the nurse/medical room to have it cleaned and a plaster put over the wound to prevent it becoming infected. Not allowing him to do so is negligence on the part of the teachers, and irresponsible.

You can help him. Try to talk to him, ask him if he is ok and needs help. Let him know that you will help him and listen if he needs to talk. It will help him to know that he has an ally and someone has his back.

How would I do that though? Like would I just walk up to him and ask if he's ok? Would that not come across as creepy? I mean, I guess if I was in that situation I'd probably just want to know that somebody actually cares. But maybe it's not like that for everyone.

 

[Isadoorian]

How would I do that though? Like would I just walk up to him and ask if he's ok? Would that not come across as creepy? I mean, I guess if I was in that situation I'd probably just want to know that somebody actually cares. But maybe it's not like that for everyone.

Yes, just walk up to him be say "Hey, we're in the same Gym class together, and I couldn't help but notice that you got hurt the other day; I wanted to ask if you were ok at the time but I was a little nervous/anxious which is why i'm doing so now, and I also couldn't help but notice you often come to school with marks on your face. If you want to talk to me about that, you're more than welcome to tell me"

Also, this'll likely come across as being too nice to some, but maybe buy him a little first aid kit to keep in his locker in the event something like that happens again? I know most Dollar Stores and places like Walmart or Target sell small ones for fairly cheap with the essentials (which is generally gauze, band aids, alcohol wipes, and another medical disinfectant)

 

[Horsegirl]

Yes, just walk up to him be say "Hey, we're in the same Gym class together, and I couldn't help but notice that you got hurt the other day; I wanted to ask if you were ok at the time but I was a little nervous/anxious which is why i'm doing so now, and I also couldn't help but notice you often come to school with marks on your face. If you want to talk to me about that, you're more than welcome to tell me"

Also, this'll likely come across as being too nice to some, but maybe buy him a little first aid kit to keep in his locker in the event something like that happens again? I know most Dollar Stores and places like Walmart or Target sell small ones for fairly cheap with the essentials (which is generally gauze, band aids, alcohol wipes, and another medical disinfectant)

I will definitely talk to him. Its fine if I come across as weird. I do that anyway, plus I'm not trying to be mean but this kid doesn't seem all that normal himself. And maybe about the first aid kit thing? I'll think about that. But that might be too friendly as you said.
I wish I wasn't so incredibly awkward, that would make this a lot easier. I bet everybody else would know what to do in a situation like this. Eh, whatever. I'm good at other stuff

 

[Fino]

I don't think any of that would be "too nice," but I've also had people think I'm creepy for being too nice so what do I know, BUT I DONT CARE I'M GONNA KEEP DOING IT.

I think you should do literally everything you feel capable of doing that has the remote possibility of helping.

Also, I was the quiet, weird, bullied kid in high-school and I often had random people come up to me and ask my name and such. I never once thought they were weird or too friendly. I loved it. It saved me for the day. There were also people, mostly or all girls, that would say, "Leave him alone," and, since they were girls (I'm guessing), it worked, for the period of time in which the girl was there... but that's still something!

I think the only reason we're here (alive) is to help each other. Literally everything else is incidental.

 

[Progster]

I meant something like what @Isadoorian suggested, approach him and tell hem that you noticed that he had been hurt and ask him if he needs help. It's not creepy or weird, especially given the context that it is obvious that he has been hurt, it's helpful.

I understand what you mean by it being hard to approach people or to know what to say, but if I saw that someone needed help I think I would do it, though I would think carefully about how I would phrase it. I think that what Isadoorian wrote sounds ok.

 

[Crossbreed]

Besides reaching out to this guy, notice the times that these incidences occur. Many middle schools and high schools have surveillance cameras these days. If yours does, knowing a time and location will help the school authorities find the footage of the incident (and act accordingly).

You could try to get a cellphone video, but some of these happen too quickly.

If you think that the hand print is from an assault at home, you can contact your local social services. A cell photo or video would help with that to.

My ASD2 son got injured a lot at home, too, but his psychiatrist knew him and us well enough to know that we weren't abusing him. (We got him medical help whenever he needed it and did not conceal his injuries. We had other [uninjured] children present who could confirm the circumstances.)

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Stay away from him and don't interfere.

This will end badly, as if things couldn't get any worse.

 

[onlything]

If you just up and come to him talking about how you've seen marks on his face etc. he may only get defensive and reject any help you offer. However, mentioning that cut he got during the lesson and asking if he's fine may be a good idea. He probably won't tell you anything anyway but you can always try and maybe finish with 'Hey, do you want to grab something to eat/ go somewhere after school?". You can optionally say that it's your treat to make him more amenable towards the idea. Also, if he says no, don't get discouraged.

But first, you need to think if this is really what you want to do. Help or not, it may end making things worse for both him and you. You can be noticed by his bullies and the bullying itself can get worse, especially if the school staff is as unaffected by events as they seem to be. He may end up telling you to get lost in quite tough words.

The question here is: Do you only pity him or do you honestly want to help him and be his friend? If it's the former, just leave him alone. If it's the latter and you feel brave enough to act, you may. However, there is nothing wrong in staying safe yourself, you don't have any responsibility to save anyone.

In the end, it's your decision. Just think it through because if you decide to act, you'll probably get into some sticky situations.

 

[Horsegirl]

If you just up and come to him talking about how you've seen marks on his face etc. he may only get defensive and reject any help you offer. However, mentioning that cut he got during the lesson and asking if he's fine may be a good idea. He probably won't tell you anything anyway but you can always try and maybe finish with 'Hey, do you want to grab something to eat/ go somewhere after school?". You can optionally say that it's your treat to make him more amenable towards the idea. Also, if he says no, don't get discouraged.

But first, you need to think if this is really what you want to do. Help or not, it may end making things worse for both him and you. You can be noticed by his bullies and the bullying itself can get worse, especially if the school staff is as unaffected by events as they seem to be. He may end up telling you to get lost in quite tough words.

The question here is: Do you only pity him or do you honestly want to help him and be his friend? If it's the former, just leave him alone. If it's the latter and you feel brave enough to act, you may. However, there is nothing wrong in staying safe yourself, you don't have any responsibility to save anyone.

In the end, it's your decision. Just think it through because if you decide to act, you'll probably get into some sticky situations.

I think it's a mix of both. I do feel really bad for him. But he also looks like he needs a friend and he seems nice enough.
I realize I might get into a couple sticky situations, but I already do. I am basically the living definition of bad luck. So I don't really care about that.
Maybe I should just butt out. But does this really count as being overly nosy? I am genuinely concerned for this guy.

 

[Crossbreed]

Quietly reporting the in-school incidents to the authorities, not only helps him, it helps others like him and discourages some of the bullying (if they get paranoid enough about the cameras).

 

[Horsegirl]

Stay away from him and don't interfere.

This will end badly, as if things couldn't get any worse.

End badly how? For me or for him? I can see it possibly not ending all that well for me. But I already hate school and people are already mean to me, so what have I got to lose. And I think the same goes for him.
Would you please explain? I'm not sure what you mean, but I miss the point a lot so maybe this is one of those times

 

[Horsegirl]

Quietly reporting the in-school incidents to the authorities, not only helps him, it helps others like him and discourages some of the bullying (if they get paranoid enough about the cameras).

Cameras? What cameras? I don't think I said anything about cameras, did I?

 

[the_tortoise]

Maybe I should just butt out. But does this really count as being overly nosy? I am genuinely concerned for this guy.

It is not nosy at all. You've seen visible injuries and assaults without making any effort to see them. Too many people in this world look the other way when they witness others being mistreated.

It's not like you're going to go up to him and start interrogating him about his home life or his inner feelings when he's bullied by staff and peers at school, and as long as you are willing to give him some space if he tells you to leave him alone, you aren't crossing any boundaries by reaching out to him.

You could also just try to befriend him, without saying anything about him being hurt and bullied. Just say hi and introduce yourself, ask if he wants to sit with you at lunch, ask his thoughts about gym class and share your own, etc. That way he might be less likely to feel like he is being put on the spot or pitied. When kids did this for me in high school, I appreciated it.

If you decide to reach out to him and he does reject your friendship/support, don't take it personally; There could be a lot of reasons (the one that comes to my mind first is mistrust of your sincerity due to being set up for malicious pranks or teasing that he can't understand). If you do reach out and he rejects your offer of friendship/support, I recommend saying something like, "If you change your mind, let me know."

When I was in an elementary school where I was frequently ostracized by the other kids, I remember one of them approaching me at recess and asking me if I wanted to go to the movies with her. At the time I was almost totally unable to tell the difference between being set up and being approached with genuine friendliness (I did develop some ability, but only when I was older), and had been set up so many times that I wasn't willing to risk being baited again; So I frowned at her (well, actually I frowned at the ground but it was a response to her) and said, "No." She asked me why I didn't want to go to the movies with her but I didn't have the language ability to tell her that I thought she might just be setting me up for a mean prank (I would have said so, if I'd had the language ability) so I ended up just walking away.

My personal experience is why I suggest saying something about the offer always being there, even if he rejects it at first. At the time, I wondered if I had walked away from someone who had a genuine interest in being my friend. If I'd had the option to change my mind, I might have taken the risk. (I still don't know if it was a set up or not; In retrospect, the look on her face would have told me a lot but I can't remember the look on her face -- probably because I never looked at it. She had no discernible edge to her voice that would give away malicious intent, but faces are more reliable for that sort of thing.)

 

[TheFreeCat]

I agree with @AloneNotLonely . You may get attached or he may get attached to you. There are endless ways this could explode. In emotionally charged situations, be careful. You might want to contact authorities if you think he is abused.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I think it's sweet you feel the need to help him. That doesn't make you creepy or weird, it makes you a decent human being. When we see people who are clearly suffering or being mistreated, we naturally should want to help them. You could just come up to him and say, "Hey, I'm sorry people are being so horrible to you. I'm here if you want to talk to me."

Considering that things have gotten physical, the police need to be involved. The principal needs to be contacted and told of what has been going on. This has surpassed people just being cruel, actual assault has taken place.

 

[Crossbreed]

Cameras? What cameras? I don't think I said anything about cameras, did I?

I pointed out (in my earlier post) that many middle schools and high schools now have surveillance cameras. If yours does, too, noting the time and location would help them review the incident.

 

[TempeFan]

What I get from what you are saying is: you feel bad for him and you want to help. Which would translate to you would feel better if you would just be your helpful caring self and do so.

You can keep it low key by anonymously tweeting (maybe with a photo) to the principal/schoolboard/ or someone else of status and influence to intervene, or simply approach him directly when nobody is looking,
but your random act of kindness in doing what you think is right will help everybody. Even if the abused boy's knee jerk reaction is to tell you to get lost. He will appreciate your courage in doing the right thing and be strengthened by the fact that everyone in his world isn't all bad.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke

 

[Ginseng]

Would that not come across as creepy?

I don't think it would come across as creepy at all. He needs someone in his court. Even if it is difficult or you feel it is impossible to talk to him, if you could just go stand with him in a supportive manner. Non threatening. I have had people do that with me before. I could feel their support (if that makes sense) but then I am very sensitive. Sometimes words may not be the best option, but if you can say words then I think gently and warmly asking him if he is okay could go a long way. If you feel you can do it I think just trying to be there could help a lot. It is doubtful if he is autistic and he is being abused by everyone in his life that he will be able to talk to you or express himself in any meaningful manner. He may not understand it, but he will pick up that you are trying. He may not get that either if his own family doesn't try. But I cannot imagine him being treated like this and not be severely depressed quite possibly to the point of suicide. This is indeed very sad to hear about his situation. How old would you say he is?