another vent related topic, yay.

[donewithlyf]

yep as the title says another vent related topic from me, oh goodie. this time however i'll try to open the topic this time without exploding like Rambo on speed anyway allow me to get started
the reactions i got last time really surprised me. it surprised me because i screamed like a psycho complaining about AS Syndrome and how it ****ed me up etc etc yet the people who replied were nothing short of nice, offering friendly advice despite how i acted. but sadly things haven't been going so smooth for me since i last made that topic. for example, a long time friend (well ex now) has just ended everything with me. apparently i was being too much of a burden because all i ever did was ***** and whine about my life and because he didn't have to go through the **** i did (aside from losing his dad at an early age but idgaf about that) he felt like he could tell me from right to wrong. i mean i told the guy i was planning on drinking bleach this morning and all he said were "get over it" "grow up" or i overreact to stupid **** and i wouldn't stop asking where he went even though he didn't bother to tell me he was afk. but here's the thing. he knows of my anxiety and my AS syndrome related problems (though we hardly spoke of the latter for good reasons) and he knew i didn't take well to being ignored yet he didn't seem to care. i know he might sound like a typical NT to a lot of folk on here but me and this guy have history. like i first met him last year and he was nothing like the shallow bastard of today. he understood me, we got along, blah blah blah. how ever i messed things up and i don't wanna go into detail but i've been trying to rebuild all bridges with him until he decides he's had enough of me. am i to blame here for being so clingy and did he have a point that i just overreact to dumb **** or is he just formally best friend- now asshole that i should move on from? pls help me people, i'm close to getting ill from all this stress

 

[Warmheart]

Gently, gently...

You are being quite harsh on yourself, with high expectations. You are going through a grieving process that is like a short, deep, dark, but brief valley. The sunshine will be waiting for you after you take the time you need to be angry/hurt and process this in your own way.

What contributes to our initial "OMG I've got ASD" valley being so deep and dark at this first stage of realization?
1. Honest-to-goodness, understandable loss of "How it's supposed to be" in our expectations about life.
2. Black & white thinking: Things are either "all good" or "all bad."
3. Catastrophizing (I'm the doofy queen of this!): We may think "Everything hurts, so it's bad... and only gonna get worse."
4. Weak "central coherence": Means we are looking so close to a situation that we don't see "The Big Picture." This makes us keep our awareness on the ouch-y part, without being able to notice the cool ASD advantages 'n stuff.

Process this at your own speed, but check your thinking. We can choose our thoughts.

Remember my friend, to breathe.

 

[Vinca]

(I'm not sure what to say with words, so i'm speaking through the picture)

 

[donewithlyf]

i am calm. well mentally wise. i'm not angry i'm just hurt and sorta confused about things. anger is something i'm trying to avoid since i don't like being angry all the time and the people on this forum are just too nice to experience something like last time. i've also got a really bad temper which also adds to the reasons why he might've gotten fed up of me but i appreciate the advice. ta

 

[Ylva]

he felt like he could tell me from right to wrong

I've had a few friends like that. You learn to "shed" them.

Many people think early impressions are more important, but I find that people often take time to show who they truly are. The layers of masks become transparent after a while.

It is rarely wise to threaten suicide, though, just because almost everyone thinks the only reason anyone could possibly do that is to get attention. Empathy is severely lacking in most people; they just can't imagine that anyone could feel in a way that they want to die, or they'd rather pretend there is no problem hoping that makes it go away. There are suicide hotlines where people are more likely to listen. There is also this forum, and probably others.

 

[Wireless]

I'm assuming that you and your ex-friend aren't that old. Perhaps your friend simply isn't mature enough to cope with being your emotional support. As Ylva said most people don't know how to react to suicide threats. It's scary and the natural reaction is disbelief and sometimes anger.
You said "idgaf" about his dad dying when he was still young. But, the death of the parent can have profound effects on people and their ability to relate to others.
You've tried to rebuild bridges, perhaps it's time to give up on the friendship and search for new ones.

 

[Wireless]

I forgot to type this...
You deserve a better friend who can support you. I hope you find one

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Hi, donewith, good to check in. Coupla things, if you're willing to put up with what I'm willing to put in...

1. I quote, with emphasis, everything Warmheart said. Please reread her post. In fact, print it out and put it where you'll see it. It's that good. Really.

anger is something i'm trying to avoid since i don't like being angry all the time and the people on this forum are just too nice to experience something like last time. i've also got a really bad temper which also adds to the reasons why he might've gotten fed up of me but i appreciate the advice.

2. Anger is fuel for change. Use it to change. Serenity prayer is good for this, too. So is asking for help from every available source, including the ones you don't believe in; David Foster Wallace once wrote that God may not actually be all that interested in whether we believe in a God, or gods, so much as whether we will work as if everything depended on us, and pray ("ask for help") as if everything depended on God. If you're that desperate, you are trying everything, whether you believe it or not. Right?

3. If you seriously believe that "the people on this forum" don't struggle with real anger, real grief, real despair, you aren't reading enough other threads with attention.

4. I myself am not proud of a scorching temper I struggle with. Getting older has helped. Noticing that short temper is about demanding immediate gratification and I feel like a two-year-old when I display it has helped. Losing a friendship because of it helped.

5. The last line I quoted shows where some of your nascent (like, not born yet but ready to emerge) strength will come. People get tired of being the only available source of hope, light, love. It's OK to stagger on for a while getting watered, God knows I've done a lot of that, but I--and you--must show some progress, or the people around us conclude, correctly, that all their emotional work is not helping and is not making a difference, and they'll go to see friends for whom they can make a difference.

6. Someone once told me that if I didn't continue to go out with him he'd commit suicide. I told him he would do what he had to do, but we were done. (My only excuse is that I was still a teenager.) I don't think that's what a nice person would say, but I also don't think emotional blackmail has any place in a friendship or a dating relationship, and I called him on it. That's what's tricky about suicide. You don't get to come back and watch everyone wish they'd treated you better. You don't win the argument. Au contraire. They will talk about just why they couldn't take it anymore either, and how bad they feel, but I speak from experience: We don't say, "If only I had done x." We/they go on. You don't.

Try all those things and see what works, what doesn't, and why. Venting may be necessary, but it isn't enough.