Anxiety over asking for payments

[Progster]

As some of you aready know, I'm self employed; I'm a private language tutor. I ask that my students pay me by the end of the month, and mostly they are very good about this and pay me without any prompting. However, sometimes they forget, especially round about now that the summer holidays have started and they are busy with other things. If they don't pay me on time, it can leave me in a difficult situation because I still have bills to pay by the end of the month and my income isn't very high to begin with.

The problem I have is with asking for money. Even though I'm owed the money and am justified in asking for it, I still find it very hard to do, and I agonise over it. If I send a bill and ask for the payment, I worry in case I come across as being too demanding, and they won't like it and it will put them off. I know that if you are running a business one has the right to ask for the money owed and shouldn't have any qualms about doings so, but I find it extremely hard to approach people to ask for things and it always causes me a lot of anxiety. I have to force myself to send out those emails.

Can anyone relate, or have similar experiences?

 

[wanderer03]

Yes, I had the same issue when I was self-employed. My therapist told me to remind myself that I provide a good service that I should be fairly compensated for. In the end, I set a policy of payment at time of service.

 

[NTgirl4276]

I've had this same issue in my freelance tutoring/consulting work. I've done a few things to mitigate my anxiety over it:

1. all of my clients sign a contract that stipulates that 1) payment must be postmarked/electronically sent by X date each month; 2) late payments will incur a daily late fee that will continue to accumulate until payment is postmarked/electronically sent; and 3) that a reminder email will be sent as a courtesy on X date each month. the contract is presented at the very beginning of the business relationship as a matter of form. (I think you could still have your clients sign one now, and even present it as either a new policy in effect with this new fiscal year beginning July 1, or that you've now needed to amend your policies based on payment issues--which would certainly get the point across to your more irresponsible clients!)
2. i follow through with the above protocol, and make sure all my email reminders or notices are phrased in the most generic, "boilerplate" way possible. this makes it seem like less of a personal accusation (when they're late or about to be late) and more of a simple business transaction. Each reminder email also includes the exact same language from the contract (regarding the deadlines and late fees) to, again, reiterate the "business" aspect of it all. For really troublesome clients, I attach a copy of their signed contract "for their convenient reference."
3. I terminate any business relationship that repeatedly throws my financial stability into uncertainty. as necessary as money is, I can't tolerate people disrespecting me or my time for the sake of making some. (But, yes, I realize that this statement is coming from a position of privilege.)

this has generally worked for me. I actually have no idea if such a contract is legally binding in any way whatsoever; I have simply found that the mere act of presenting a contract and having them sign it is enough of a threat (though it might not be for any clients who are particularly savvy about the law?). I have also found that, as anxious as I am about asking for money, my clients generally feel very guilty once they realized that they have not paid me in an appropriate timeframe for services rendered.

I hope this helps in some small way! I unfortunately don't think asking people for money is ever a truly comfortable situation, but you're certainly right that you absolutely deserve to be paid for your work, and in an appropriate timeframe.

EDIT: Upon rereading your initial post, Progster, I realize you may not have been soliciting advice at all, or that you may be doing some or all of these things already. In that case, my reply might be interpreted as incredibly patronizing! For that, I am genuinely sorry. I certainly don't intend for it to be offered in that spirit.

 

[clg114]

I am self-employed and have the same problem. When they are late, I just hate having to remind them that I haven't been paid. My paperwork clearly says "Terms: Net 15", right above the signature box and I always get a signature. Sometimes they will go over thirty days. One of my daughters is a office manager at a large company and deals with this kind of problem all of the time. My wife said something to her about it and she said that she would like to collect bills for me. She will call them when they are late and deal with them in very polite, business-like manner. I wish I could do that.

 

[Suzanne]

If I could, I would press: AGREE a million times over!!!!

I am dreadful for this.

We have chickens and 2 ducks and sometimes, get bogged down with eggs. I just cannot ask for money for them and when offered on insisted on, I just come up with some other means, like swapping eggs for veggies.

We really do not like the taste of duck eggs; too strong a flavour. Well someone we know, loves them and so, I regularly give them to her. She said that she really felt she should pay me for them and although, we worked out a price, I jumped at the chance to exchange eggs for her veggies.

For your situation, could you try putting a bit of humor, say in a text or email? Something like: bills don't wait for no man or woman. I wish I could have a holiday, but my bank balance is rather deplete of a certain payment! Or, hey friendly reminder that I honestly think I am worth more than 0!

 

[Progster]

I've had this same issue in my freelance tutoring/consulting work. I've done a few things to mitigate my anxiety over it:

1. all of my clients sign a contract that stipulates that 1) payment must be postmarked/electronically sent by X date each month; 2) late payments will incur a daily late fee that will continue to accumulate until payment is postmarked/electronically sent; and 3) that a reminder email will be sent as a courtesy on X date each month. the contract is presented at the very beginning of the business relationship as a matter of form. (I think you could still have your clients sign one now, and even present it as either a new policy in effect with this new fiscal year beginning July 1, or that you've now needed to amend your policies based on payment issues--which would certainly get the point across to your more irresponsible clients!)
2. i follow through with the above protocol, and make sure all my email reminders or notices are phrased in the most generic, "boilerplate" way possible. this makes it seem like less of a personal accusation (when they're late or about to be late) and more of a simple business transaction. Each reminder email also includes the exact same language from the contract (regarding the deadlines and late fees) to, again, reiterate the "business" aspect of it all. For really troublesome clients, I attach a copy of their signed contract "for their convenient reference."
3. I terminate any business relationship that repeatedly throws my financial stability into uncertainty. as necessary as money is, I can't tolerate people disrespecting me or my time for the sake of making some. (But, yes, I realize that this statement is coming from a position of privilege.)

this has generally worked for me. I actually have no idea if such a contract is legally binding in any way whatsoever; I have simply found that the mere act of presenting a contract and having them sign it is enough of a threat (though it might not be for any clients who are particularly savvy about the law?). I have also found that, as anxious as I am about asking for money, my clients generally feel very guilty once they realized that they have not paid me in an appropriate timeframe for services rendered.

I hope this helps in some small way! I unfortunately don't think asking people for money is ever a truly comfortable situation, but you're certainly right that you absolutely deserve to be paid for your work, and in an appropriate timeframe.

EDIT: Upon rereading your initial post, Progster, I realize you may not have been soliciting advice at all, or that you may be doing some or all of these things already. In that case, my reply might be interpreted as incredibly patronizing! For that, I am genuinely sorry. I certainly don't intend for it to be offered in that spirit.

Thank you. This is useful, not at all patronising. I don't have the clients sign a legal contract, but send them a letter stating my requirements and terms (pay by end of month, give 24 hours notice of cancellations or changes, etc). People in Southern Europe aren't always so formal about business agreements and expect you to be flexible. They have all sorts of unwritten rules of business and this is so hard for me. I never know what they are thinking and how they will react. This makes me very anxious when dealing with them. I'm always polite, but that's not enough. I have often offended people in the past through not knowing the hidden rules and not being good with diplomacy. I always deal with business arrangements in a practical way.

I am self-employed and have the same problem. When they are late, I just hate having to remind them that I haven't been paid. My paperwork clearly says "Terms: Net 15", right above the signature box and I always get a signature. Sometimes they will go over thirty days. One of my daughters is a office manager at a large company and deals with this kind of problem all of the time. My wife said something to her about it and she said that she would like to collect bills for me. She will call them when they are late and deal with them in very polite, business-like manner. I wish I could do that.

It's good that you have help, or advice with this. I wish I could have some help, someone to advise me how to deal with a situation in such a way that I don't offend others. I really wish I didn't have to deal with all this.

 

[Judge]

Debt is both a profitable and predatory industry for large-scale financial entities who have the resources to both sustain debt over long periods of time, and capitalize on outrageous interest due. Or eventually to simply write off the debt and pass it onto a third-party debt collector.

These remain financial dynamics which simply don't apply to small businesses, that cannot process or sustain debt in an alike manner. Accounts due is an inherent financial drain on them, apart from the distasteful social aspects of debt collection itself for both Aspie and NT alike.

Perhaps the biggest dilemma here is that the average customer won't recognize such distinctions. They are more likely to be conditioned to the idea of late and potentially steep interest payments. An environment that large scale creditors want to foster...despite the toll it takes on smaller businesses.

So IMO any small business has an inherent right and reason to be anxious and frustrated over late payments in this society.

 

[Progster]

If I could, I would press: AGREE a million times over!!!!

I am dreadful for this.

We have chickens and 2 ducks and sometimes, get bogged down with eggs. I just cannot ask for money for them and when offered on insisted on, I just come up with some other means, like swapping eggs for veggies.

We really do not like the taste of duck eggs; too strong a flavour. Well someone we know, loves them and so, I regularly give them to her. She said that she really felt she should pay me for them and although, we worked out a price, I jumped at the chance to exchange eggs for her veggies.

For your situation, could you try putting a bit of humor, say in a text or email? Something like: bills don't wait for no man or woman. I wish I could have a holiday, but my bank balance is rather deplete of a certain payment! Or, hey friendly reminder that I honestly think I am worth more than 0!

Swapping eggs for veggies sounds like a good arrangement to me, if you don't want to make a living from selling your eggs
Yes, once or twice, with a client who knows me well, I've mentioned the fact that I need to pay the electricity bill by the end of the month... I now worry that this may be inappropiate :S

 

[NTgirl4276]

Thank you. This is useful, not at all patronising. I don't have the clients sign a legal contract, but send them a letter stating my requirements and terms (pay by end of month, give 24 hours notice of cancellations or changes, etc). People in Southern Europe aren't always so formal about business agreements and expect you to be flexible. They have all sorts of unwritten rules of business and this is so hard for me. I never know what they are thinking and how they will react. This makes me very anxious when dealing with them. I'm always polite, but that's not enough. I have often offended people in the past through not knowing the hidden rules and not being good with diplomacy. I always deal with business arrangements in a practical way.

that makes perfect sense. my mistake! i didn't realize you were in Europe. I'm sure the business practices are certainly different there, compared to the US, and from what you describe, your anxiety is certainly well-justified. I would not be able to function with "unspoken" business rules, particularly when it comes to getting paid. For the reasons Judge cites above, I would feel so vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

 

[Suzanne]

Swapping eggs for veggies sounds like a good arrangement to me, if you don't want to make a living from selling your eggs
Yes, once or twice, with a client who knows me well, I've mentioned the fact that I need to pay the electricity bill by the end of the month... I now worry that this may be inappropiate :S

Why inappropriate?

I do get you though, because I was scrolling through my texts from a chap ( nothing bad) and came across one text, that made me do a double look. It said: And give Jem (hubby) a BIG kiss too! I thought: what the heck. How on earth did I miss this from our male friend and not comment? Well I came across another text and realised that a female friend's texts had got mixed up with this chap's texts and thought it was so funny, that I had to tell this chap. I related this to my husband and he said: he may think you are flirting with him and from that point: I was panicking so much! I then showed my husband the text and he just said: oh is that is fine; not flirting at all and I said: looking at him with such relief, I am sure it was almost childlike: are you sure? He smiled and said: yes baby that could not be perceived as flirting.

 

[Progster]

Debt is both a profitable and predatory industry for large-scale financial entities who have the resources to both sustain debt over long periods of time, and capitalize on outrageous interest due. Or eventually to simply write off the debt and pass it onto a third-party debt collector.

These remain financial dynamics which simply don't apply to small businesses, that cannot process or sustain debt in an alike manner. Accounts due is an inherent financial drain on them, apart from the distasteful social aspects of debt collection itself for both Aspie and NT alike.

Perhaps the biggest dilemma here is that the average customer won't recognize such distinctions. They are more likely to be conditioned to the idea of late and potentially steep interest payments. An environment that large scale creditors want to foster...despite the toll it takes on smaller businesses.

So IMO any small business has an inherent right and reason to be anxious and frustrated over late payments in this society.

I agree with your point. Unfortunately, I have already fallen victim to the financial entities to whom the country I live in has a huge debt. The government of this country has been asking the people to bear the burden of the debt by imposing a whole array of extra taxes, which many are quite simply unable to pay. I've been hit quite hard by the government's austerity measures, and have a large tax bill still to pay off. I struggle to make the payments.

Anyway, I don't wish to get too deep into a political discussion here. Most of my clients are comfortably well off, and in their case I think it's more a matter of them forgetting to pay me, not getting round to it or being busy with other things; negligence on their part.

 

[Judge]

Anyway, I don't wish to get too deep into a political discussion here. Most of my clients are comfortably well off, and in their case I think it's more a matter of them forgetting to pay me, not getting round to it or being busy with other things; negligence on their part.

I find that tragic most of all. A clientele who should know better.

 

[Progster]

Why inappropriate?

I worry that it might sound too informal, or that it sounds like I'm begging for the money... perhaps it's too much unnecessary detail. I don't know how the other person will interpret it and react. I always feel that I need to justify asking for money, when really I don't, because I provided the service and now the money is owed.

 

[Progster]

I find that tragic most of all. A clientele who should know better.

Sadly, most people are more interested in looking after themselves that looking after other people.

 

[AsheSkyler]

To save myself the hassle of embarrassing "you gotta pay" inquiries, I set my standard of "I will not ship your items until your account is paid in full". There is a similar rule for monthly bookkeeping. January's bookkeeping is due at the start of February, and February's work will not be done until January is paid off. It allows me to work for a set amount that doesn't have me feeling taken advantage of and also makes sure I am compensated.

 

[Beverly]

I am a freelance artist and, deal with the same issue. I detest asking someone to pay the balance they owe me, especially before the contacts my work is to be used for have been signed by the people I work for but, I need that money. I have taken to putting "If you have already remitted payment, Thank you, if you have not, please do so soon." at the bottom of every letter I send to clients. It's a generic reminder, not pushy but, it does remind them that they need to pay me.

Perhaps you could place a similar sign at the entrance to your teaching area, it isn't directed ant any one individual, but rather it is directed at everyone whom you expect to pay you.

 

[wyverary]

Have you considered hiring a lawyer? I know it would be an added expense, but given that you are pretty much running your own business it might be a good idea, and could pay off in the long run. It might sound mean, but having the ability to send unpaid bills off to a collection agency could prove better in the long run for your own financial self-interest.