Any advice i dont know what to do

[RemyZee]

I've been dating a woman around six months now, (I am female non binary)and disclosed pretty early that I'm autistic. I really like her and everything is good. But she shared it scared her that I'm autistic. Recently I was searching online, and suddenly I had unintentional access to her Facebook account so I could see her friend requests and private feed, everything. I don't have a clue how it happened, but I clicked on a "so and so is on facebook" notice, but when I clicked on it I was brought into her account.

I don't have a Facebook account at all and have never visited her page, but suddenly I had complete access. I thought it might be a hacking and I did something really stupid thinking it was completely the right thing to do--to be sure I had access and wasn't just imagining things, I posted on something to make sure I was right. It was in her name, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of something that didn't need to be.

Sure enough my reaction post was published on her page. I called her to let her know she might want to check it out, and when I told her I had posted there she told me pretty quickly it wasn't at all ok..and now I'm mortified. I literally just didn't see it.

She is understandably angry about it and says she might not want to keep our relationship and that the thought of being hacked was scary to her and she doesn't want that in her life.

It was like in my rationale I was taking the right course of action, doing the right thing for the moment, but when she told me her reaction I completely could see I was in the wrong, even unintentionally. Now I've also gotten a text message directed to her in my own text box, and I'm wondering if I should even tell her, or what's even a good way to handle it and I'd be appreciative of any autistic advice.

 

[tree]

Although you don't have a facebook account yourself,
are you saying that some how you were able to post as if
you were another person (the woman you've been dating)?

And you are getting text messages meant for her, but they are coming to you?
Do you know the person sending the text messages?

I am not at all sure I follow what's going on.

 

[Levitat0r]

It sounds like you made inadvertent use of her account because you didn't know you were logged in as her. She should understand that. The stigma she shows is possibly a different issue, but if she's going to be unfair to you, well, maybe we're seeing it overlap. It's like fate that just a few days ago, I was chatting with this guy, seemed nice, reasonable. Open-minded about other things. I didn't tell him that I have autism because it was only just dawning on me at the time, yet he brought up the topic himself, probably because it's how he saw me. I was at a hostel, actually, and I intimated that I left the US because I'd been assaulted, and wound up with head injuries. I was completely shocked when he let it slip that he wasn't sure it was safe to place me in a dorm with other people. Over a head injury! He thinks people turn into dangerous psychos over a concussion! Meanwhile, he smokes a bunch of pot, but he clearly doesn't believe it's turning him into Jekyll and Hyde, or the Incredible Hulk.

Then, shockingly again, and probably after he's good and stoned, he comments that he doesn't understand how some autistic guy he met previously is permitted to travel alone without supervision. When I stare long into the worldviews of healthy and normal people, it's shocking how superior and perfect they think they are.

 

[Forest Cat]

It sounds like she used your computer to access her facebook account at some point and then it just stayed logged in on your computer. She didn't log out. Could that be what happened?

 

[Aspychata]

There still a lot of stigma attached to this label. I had two bosses that were on the spectrum in the state l am now. They are the best bosses ever. They run companies, they handle budgets and employees, and nobody suggests to them that they shouldn't fly solo. You could explain that she didn't log out, and you hadn't realize that, and you understand why she is upset with you. Then you need to step back, and give her space to decide the outcome, that would a mature thing to do l believe. What do you want to do?

 

[Misty Avich]

It sounds like she used your computer to access her facebook account at some point and then it just stayed logged in on your computer. She didn't log out. Could that be what happened?

That sounds like what happened, and isn't really something the girlfriend should end the relationship over. If my husband got on to my Facebook page I wouldn't care, unless I had something to hide.

 

[Levitat0r]

It sounds like she used your computer to access her facebook account at some point and then it just stayed logged in on your computer. She didn't log out. Could that be what happened?

There's that, too. You might be able to counter with the question of what she was doing using your computer, and if it keeps pushing the relationship downhill, maybe it was never the right one anyway. It bothers me she thinks you are scary. That's not right, and makes me feel like she does not see you.

 

[Judge]

It sounds like she used your computer to access her facebook account at some point and then it just stayed logged in on your computer. She didn't log out. Could that be what happened?

Seems like the most logical thing to assume with such a limited understanding of that which may have happened. But then if so, while it's the other person's responsibility to close the application when using the OP's computer.

Equally though, to realize that it wouldn't likely mitigate a sense of being violated on the part of the other person. Which could very well be a "deal-breaker" involving a relationship. Even when access to an open Facebook account was unintentional on the part of the OP. With no way to prove it.

My condolences. Where even a perception of mistrust can potentially kill any relationship.

 

[RemyZee]

Although you don't have a facebook account yourself,
are you saying that some how you were able to post as if
you were another person (the woman you've been dating)?

And you are getting text messages meant for her, but they are coming to you?

Although you don't have a facebook account yourself,
are you saying that some how you were able to post as if
you were another person (the woman you've been dating)?

And you are getting text messages meant for her, but they are coming to you?
Do you know the person sending the text messages?

I am not at all sure I follow what's going

Do you know the person sending the text message

I didn't know the person who sent the text: it came from a charity, sandy hook, and it addressed her by name

 

[Judge]

I didn't know the person who sent the text: it came from a charity, sandy hook, and it addressed her by name

That's BAD. It may not at all be what it seems.

Do you know anything about Adam Lanza and the Sandy Hook murders?

Adam Lanza put Aspergers Syndrome "on the map" for a great many people.

 

[RemyZee]

It sounds like she used your computer to access her facebook account at some point and then it just stayed logged in on your computer. She didn't log out. That could be what happened.

 

[RemyZee]

That's BAD. It may not at all be what it seems.

Do you know anything about Adam Lanza and the Sandy Hook murders?

Adam Lanza put Aspergers Syndrome "on the map" for a great many people.

Oh.
I didn't put 2 plus two together--forgot about the Lanza stuff.

 

[Judge]

Oh.
I didn't put 2 plus two together--forgot about the Lanza stuff.

Was anything about you posted on the Facebook account, or could this have been someone who knew about you, your significant other and your autism?

Looks to me like an intensely mean-spirited gesture on the part of someone who may or may not know your significant other. Capitalizing on what appears to be simply an open account that she should have closed while using your computer.

 

[RemyZee]

So this is the thing: I get a little paranoid about hacking issues and it sounds bizarre but this is how I wound up on her page: I was watching a commercial of a politician whose name I won't say and, no kidding, I noticed there were quick blinks of light that kept coming down the page almost imperceptible, they'd start at the too and flash down the screen
. I slowed the commercial down and took s
Screenshots and bizarrely enough it was numbers and names--you can only see them if you stop it at the exact time. Out of curiosity I put one of the names, A.B., that flashed on the commercial in my search bar and the result said "AB is on facebook . But when I clicked on AB it took me to my friend's facebook page with complete access to her account, so i could post ss her, read her mail (i didn't), basically everything. When I told her about the lights, she told me it sounds like I have paranoia. Makes me cry.

 

[RemyZee]

And said that she couldn't deal with a long term relationship with someone she worries is psychotic, or where she'd have to be afraid. I'm not psychotic, but she refused to look at the pictures.

 

[RemyZee]

And said that she couldn't deal with a long term relationship with someone she worries is psychotic, or where she'd have to be afraid. I'm not psychotic, but she refused to look at the pictures.

 

[Judge]

And said that she couldn't deal with a long term relationship with someone she worries is psychotic, or where she'd have to be afraid. I'm not psychotic, but she refused to look at the pictures.

It may take a while to make this conclusion, but I suspect you have successfully "dodged a bullet".

My guess is that either you have been "set up" by her and her friends, or she maintains a circle of acquaintances that would prove to be intensely toxic to you personally.

The irony though is in just how precarious and hostile major social media really is, for any number of reasons. Well documented by government and the media. Nothing "psychotic" about that.

 

[RemyZee]

And said that she couldn't deal with a long term relationship with someone she worries is psychotic, or where she'd have to be afraid. I'm not psychotic, but she refused to look at the pictures.

Was anything about you posted on the Facebook account, or could this have been someone who knew about you, your significant other and your autism?

Looks to me like an intensely mean-spirited gesture on the part of someone who may or may not know your significant other. Capitalizing on what appears to be simply an open account that she should have closed while using your computer.

Yeah it didn't dawn on me about the autism connection, but yes I do think it could be from someone who knows about my life.

 

[RemyZee]

Yeah it didn't dawn on me about the autism connection, but yes I do think it could be from someone who knows about my life.

I dont see anything about me posted on the Facebook account.

 

[Judge]

Yeah it didn't dawn on me about the autism connection, but yes I do think it could be from someone who knows about my life.

Unless you both are actively involved in anti-firearms legislation, I'd think it would make for a highly unlikely coincidence to be solicited by the actual charity "Sandyhook Promise".

But then your significant other may have told other people you were on the spectrum., outside of Facebook. Using Facebook anonymously to express their opinion over what shouldn't even be their business.