Anyone else doesn't like their mother?

[nope]

This may be horrible idea and I don't expect to get a lot of empathy, but put simply my mother is (was?) an unkind person. She was never unkind to me or physically abusive to anyone, but she lacked empathy and made mean/rude comments about other people that I didn't even realize was mean/rude. Maybe I don't like her because for she reminds me of the unkind things I used to do/say (even as an adult who should've known better) because I was raised by her.

As she's getting older I feel like I should work on improving our relationship, but being her daughter, when she says stuff like how I was "oversensitive" and had myself to blame for everything that was wrong with me, I become mad and equally sarcastic and defensive.

Has anyone cut off contact with their mother and not regret it?

 

[xDominiel]

My mother is also not a good person and I don't regret distancing myself. My family in general was a mess.

 

[xudo]

I can't give advice in terms of my own mother, as despite the issues she does have, she's not a bad person in any way. Her mother (my grandmother) on the other hand is essentially the devil incarnate.

My mum did attempt to cut contact with her (and her father when he was still alive) but unfortunately, we live in a relatively small city and she has awful siblings who were only too happy to help her parents follow her. Eventually she gave up and resumed contact. She thinks I am being too blunt and mean when I say I don't understand why she still sees her mother to this day (she's 93 and has Alzheimer's now...this has only served to highlight the worst parts of her character). She says that it's only human to want to help look after her now, but I don't understand this when the way she has always treated her children is anything but human.

Digressed a bit there, but basically if I were you, I'd cut all contact.

 

[toothless]

This may be horrible idea and I don't expect to get a lot of empathy, but put simply my mother is (was?) an unkind person. She was never unkind to me or physically abusive to anyone, but she lacked empathy and made mean/rude comments about other people that I didn't even realize was mean/rude. Maybe I don't like her because for she reminds me of the unkind things I used to do/say (even as an adult who should've known better) because I was raised by her.

As she's getting older I feel like I should work on improving our relationship, but being her daughter, when she says stuff like how I was "oversensitive" and had myself to blame for everything that was wrong with me, I become mad and equally sarcastic and defensive.

Has anyone cut off contact with their mother and not regret it?

just a thought but could she be on the spectrum to,and you are clashing to much as you are both so similar?
this happened with me and my dad,except i was/am 'LFA' and he 'HFA'.
i only began a relationship with him in my twenties,it was like i had no dad up until that point.

 

[Kirsty]

Has anyone cut off contact with their mother and not regret it?

Yup. My mother is an alcoholic and has mental unstability. I have suffered mental torture throughout my 20s because of her illness. So, understandably, I have detached myself from her to protect myself from any more harm. We were never close during my childhood before the trauma started anyway, so no loss for me, really. When the time comes when she passes over, it'll be a blessing to everyone and herself. I won't mourn the loss, as it feels like she has died years ago and have already been through that stage.

 

[Mia]

Also did cut contact with most of my siblings and mother after the death of my father. Had ptsd for several years afterwards. Eventually I worked through it over a period of five years. It has been both the best and most difficult decision I've ever made. No more anxiety when the phone rings or something comes in the mail. It's made a great deal of difference in my life, for the better.

 

[pax]

Yes, she has serious mental issues. She is callous, manipulative and narcissistic. I spent my younger years tying myself in knots trying to please her and look after her to no avail .I gave up and cut contact with her. I've since realised just how bizarre her behaviour was. Stockholm syndrome or something.

 

[Suzanne]

Not only do I not like her, but I do not love her either and came to realise that if I had her in my life, because that is what is expected, I would end up in a mental institution and so, quit relations ( I tried to forgive her from dreadful things she did, but it became obvious that no forgiveness could take place).

I have not had a "mother" for 30 years now and because I am in communications with at least one of my siblings and my youngest niece, I get to hear occasionally how "mother" is and feel thankful that she is not a part of my life.

I was around 19 or so, when I had to face the reality of unloving my "parents" and because I am a black and white person ( in the respect of relationships), I hate and love easily and that hate, has helped me to not be sentimental about family. I am not one of those who believe family are everything.

I used to get a shocked look when I ventured to say that I do not love the person who brought me into the world, but when I could relate a tiny bit of why, thankfully the tone changed to: ahh ok, I get you now!

Interestingly, no one asks me today, ie you never talk about your family and I am just glad for that.

I am happy to explain more, but one would have to imbox me to find out the indepth reason.

 

[Peatsmoke]

I actually like my mum, which is a bit surprising since I can't stand most of the rest of my family. Her mum, though - my grandmother - was awful. Mum described her as "psychotic" - she hurt my mother a lot (emotionally). But she kept in contact with her, calling her occasionally, and going to family get-togethers; she even got angry when I refused to write "grandma" a thank you letter for a christmas present. I'll never understand why people feel they have to keep in touch with family members they don't like - "I talk to her because she's my mother" is just rubbish. We don't get to choose our family - hell, we don't even ask to be born! - so why should we continue to talk to them if we don't like them??

 

[xudo]

I'll never understand why people feel they have to keep in touch with family members they don't like - "I talk to her because she's my mother" is just rubbish. We don't get to choose our family - hell, we don't even ask to be born! - so why should we continue to talk to them if we don't like them??

Exactly!

 

[Alaska]

My mother was quite toxic during my childhood and after. She would have ended up in prison for many things she did if it had not been for my father protecting her.

I figured out something was very wrong when i was very young and began attempting to protect my siblings from her as much as i was able. Our father was not as cold blooded about his abuse since he was an alcoholic. He did make efforts to be a good parent, within his abilities.

I loved both of them anyway, most of the time. My father apologised before he died. My mother now has both Alzheimers and Dementia and does not know much of what is going on. I still send her occasional cards so she can enjoy them if she has any lucid moments.

I felt that when she told my sibs and I that she loved us, it was in the same sense as she might have said she loved a slice of pie or pizza. She was probably not capable of more.