Anyone else get born into the worst possible family?

[xDominiel]

I feel like the vast majority of my issues are there because I never had a stable home, I never really felt safe and thinking back I'm not sure I was ever loved unconditionally. Being constantly scolded for "being weird" or "not eating fast enough" and other petty things like that really messed me up and made me terrified of being judged.

Two family members in particular would call the other evil and say they were the only one I could trust and who cared about me. In truth I don't think either of them did, and I know for a fact I should have never put any trust in either of them. They both seemed to want me dependent on them for selfish reasons. Ironically, it's turned out the opposite for them, I just want to be left alone and they keep pestering me and trying to save face.

But it's too late now, I've already gone my own way, I even changed my surname so that if I have kids one day, I won't be adding to their legacy.

Anyone else know what it's like to not have that support you desperately needed?

 

[The Penguin]

Yes. I had a father was never home, placed in a foster home at age 15 and had to figure out my life. Age 17 I decided to live on my own since I had enough of the foster care system. Consider the type of life I had, I'm lucky I didn't get into any trouble unlike other people in my situation. Despite all of this, this made me a stronger person compare to other people did had a supportive family life.

 

[wight]

Yeah, not such a great childhood here. Emotional neglect, lack of support/trust/love. Though it didn't have anything to do with me in particular and it seems I faired better into adulthood than my siblings.

I will say this though. I knew a lot of people when in the military and it didn't seem to matter what kind of childhood they had, we were all messed up emotionally. Even the couple of folks from "perfect" households weren't really any better off than the rest of us.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I feel like the vast majority of my issues are there because I never had a stable home, I never really felt safe and thinking back I'm not sure I was ever loved unconditionally. Being constantly scolded for "being weird" or "not eating fast enough" and other petty things like that really messed me up and made me terrified of being judged.

Two family members in particular would call the other evil and say they were the only one I could trust and who cared about me. In truth I don't think either of them did, and I know for a fact I should have never put any trust in either of them. They both seemed to want me dependent on them for selfish reasons. Ironically, it's turned out the opposite for them, I just want to be left alone and they keep pestering me and trying to save face.

But it's too late now, I've already gone my own way, I even changed my surname so that if I have kids one day, I won't be adding to their legacy.

Anyone else know what it's like to not have that support you desperately needed?

I relate to this so much. I walk in from work and nobody notices, just the cats. The cats are the only ones happy to see me when I get home. Just me, mind you. If its either one of my siblings that come home, my mom will come out from the bedroom she's perpetually holed up in while dad's home and converse with them happily. I feel more wanted and accepted by people online here and by some of the people at work than I do my own family, if that says anything.

My mom's dysfunctional with anger issues to the point that I seriously question if she's got a personality disorder. She has always painted dad as being this horrible irresponsible person and dad's always been very distant and doesn't express any outward affection. He's a loyal, dedicated father in his own right but he's just very poor at expressing it. I wholeheartedly believe my mom was emotionally/psychologically/verbally abusive towards me growing up and, to a point, doesn't see me as my own being but as an extention of herself, something to make her look and feel good. Like I exist to meet her needs and fulfill her constantly changing expectations.

To say the least, I can't form friendships in real life or trust anyone because of my upbringing. I was given some advice from someone in a similarly unsupportive parental environment once that, to the point, was to work with what you've got to fill the void. If you want the quote I can type it up here, but that was the main point.

 

[xDominiel]

mom was emotionally/psychologically/verbally abusive towards me growing up and, to a point, doesn't see me as my own being but as an extention of herself, something to make her look and feel good. Like I exist to meet her needs and fulfill her constantly changing expectations.

Mine was the same, it was a tug-of-war between her and my grandmother, who wanted to be seen as a "savior" but just made everything worse. They both still to this day seem unable to grasp the concept of me having my own life without them in it.

To say the least, I can't form friendships in real life or trust anyone because of my upbringing.

I know the feeling, my trust issues are off the chart. That I'm bad at picking up subtle social cues doesn't help.

I was given some advice from someone in a similarly unsupportive parental environment once that, to the point, was to work with what you've got to fill the void. If you want the quote I can type it up here, but that was the main point.

Please do, I'd like to read it.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I know the feeling, my trust issues are off the chart. That I'm bad at picking up subtle social cues doesn't help.

Please do, I'd like to read it.

This is what he said. Its not much, but it means a lot to me that he even bothered to respond to me, let alone be so nice about it. "Do not let that keep you down. (deleted) I know you can make it. Find love in those you are fortunate enough to hold close to you, and find comfort and solace in the fact that you are never really alone. Don't let that ***** dictate your feelings. Chin up, soldier."

He's just a youtuber and he's younger than me but he seemed to have been through similar mom issues from his random comments. It was just a gut feeling, really. So I posted a comment on a video of his when I was really upset one time that he happened to reply to, and its been my phone background picture ever since. I took out a sentence and what he said before that cause I figure his personal business isn't something I should share around.