Anyone have autistic parents but didn't realize it until recently?

[TaylorG]

I myself am beginning the first steps toward evaluation for diagnosis tomorrow for Aspergers/ASD...but I can't help but think about my parents. To me they seem neurotypical but my dad is super high strung (stresses out easily and bad temper) and my mom is the same way. Certain behaviors make me curious, and we had a highly dysfunctional household growing up. I am so new to learning more about ASD, so forgive me if I seem misguided. My brother has severe cerebral palsy, but personally I think his diagnosis is wrong (diagnosed in the 1990s, wasn't as well understood back then). What are some symptoms I should look out for, in my parents?

 

[Lady Penelope]

I read a bit about ASD as i was finding psychological studies interesting. I went through schizophrenia, psychopathy, confidence vs fear, addiction... came to autism and thought i fit a bit but it was so male based that maybe I'm "just a little bit autistic" ...thought my dad fit too.
Then i read how is presents in females and identified almost to the trait.

I actually think my dad and i are probably similar. He is undiagnosed and i have not raised it with him directly but the qualities i feel fit are:

He has a strong sense of who he is and does not need to fit into a societal norm.

He is self employed and i don't think he's ever held a position as an employee... his stories of work related conflicts are funny.

He is very literal and practically minded. He cares more about getting the job done than how people feel about it.

He does not have friends in the traditional sense but has colleagues he is friendly with outside work on occasion and does enjoy time with in-laws.

He has specific obsessions since childhood which he continues to persue.

He can get lost in a task and forget to eat or drink.

He has no concept of dress sense and wears what my mum buys him. Left to himself he's a disaster in that department.

Where neither of us seem to fit is with the common trait that ASD have poor physical functioning ... balance etc. Both dad and i are sporty and achieved success in sport as kids and adults.

There are, of course, many other traits and behaviours i feel he exhibits but these are the obvious ones...and ones he probably would be ok with me sharing.

 

[TaylorG]

Thanks for your reply. My dad is very straightforward too. Interestingly...he is an alcoholic and sticks to a rigid routine based around his beer lol. He is also self employed, in construction, but only because his company he'd been with for 20 years went bankrupt and laid everyone off when the economy crashed. So he's been doing that for 10 years. Not interested in expanding his company to a new location that would have better business, sticks to the same work routine and same business network. Has to be home by 4pm and starting drinking no later than 5:30pm. Self medicates with alcohol since by brother's cerebral palsy diagnosis 20 years ago. Very hermit-like, doesn't leave the house due to his beer routine. Idk if the routine is autism or just alcohol addiction. All these things can get bundled up together. And omg does he get frustrated easily. Has no problem communicating, however. Has an uncle he is very similar to, same habits.

 

[Ambi]

My dad has....something. On the one hand, I think I can relate to Aspie traits in him and I feel sorry for him (he refuses to acknowledge he has any kind of problem and suffers for it). But he also has no conscience and is a control freak. So I think he may be on the spectrum but also have some kind of personality disorder.

 

[Lady Penelope]

Thanks for your reply. My dad is very straightforward too. Interestingly...he is an alcoholic and sticks to a rigid routine based around his beer lol. He is also self employed, in construction, but only because his company he'd been with for 20 years went bankrupt and laid everyone off when the economy crashed. So he's been doing that for 10 years. Not interested in expanding his company to a new location that would have better business, sticks to the same work routine and same business network. Has to be home by 4pm and starting drinking no later than 5:30pm. Self medicates with alcohol since by brother's cerebral palsy diagnosis 20 years ago. Very hermit-like, doesn't leave the house due to his beer routine. Idk if the routine is autism or just alcohol addiction. All these things can get bundled up together. And omg does he get frustrated easily. Has no problem communicating, however. Has an uncle he is very similar to, same habits.

I hope I'm not stepping out of line but from the little you've mentioned, it sounds like your dad may have depression rather than autism.
The routine aspect of autism is more geared towards daily rituals... must put left sock on first... eat everything on plate separately ... stick to same route to get to a place as sudden changes cause anxiety (huge generalisation i know but using for emphasis ... please forgive me fellow ASD friends).

A colleague of mine years ago acted similar to your dad in that they experienced a sudden career change and were heavily dependent on substances for relief. At 3pm he would act out...irrationally and aggressively. Needed to go home for a fix. He was a sportsman who found himself unemployed after career ended and ill equipped for standard work. He was also battling with his sexuality and unable to adjust to not being celebrated anymore.
I believe he too was suffering depression and was using substances to self medicate.

If you are concerned, perhaps further reading on both ASD and depression might help.

Again, I'm sorry if I've said anything out of turn and i hope i have not inadvertently offended anyone. If so, moderators please just delete the reply.

 

[Rebekah]

Yes, after learning more I'm fairly cetaun my dad has it. He's an immigrant and everyone has just written his quirkiness off as due to language and cultural differences, but I don't think that's the case.

 

[TaylorG]

I hope I'm not stepping out of line but from the little you've mentioned, it sounds like your dad may have depression rather than autism.
The routine aspect of autism is more geared towards daily rituals... must put left sock on first... eat everything on plate separately ... stick to same route to get to a place as sudden changes cause anxiety (huge generalisation i know but using for emphasis ... please forgive me fellow ASD friends).

A colleague of mine years ago acted similar to your dad in that they experienced a sudden career change and were heavily dependent on substances for relief. At 3pm he would act out...irrationally and aggressively. Needed to go home for a fix. He was a sportsman who found himself unemployed after career ended and ill equipped for standard work. He was also battling with his sexuality and unable to adjust to not being celebrated anymore.
I believe he too was suffering depression and was using substances to self medicate.

If you are concerned, perhaps further reading on both ASD and depression might help.

Again, I'm sorry if I've said anything out of turn and i hope i have not inadvertently offended anyone. If so, moderators please just delete the reply.

Not out of line at all. We (my family) know he is depressed and has been for much of his life. They don't believe in mental health, psychiatry/doctors etc etc, they don't have the money for it, I live far away now so I don't know what I can do to help.

 

[Fitzo]

My Dad died some years ago, so no way to know but I think it's possible. He was very much a loner, worked for himself and had problems working with others. He was rigid about routine and was irrationally angry if anyone upset that routine. Our household was also highly disfunctional, but I'm certain my Mum has NPD so no surprise there! As a child I found him scary. He never related to me or any other children. He was also awkward in social situations and unforgiving if someone did something he didn't agree with.
He cut off two of his brothers completely for that reason.
As I got older I began to realise I was like him in lots of ways.
Like Lady Penelope both he and I were quite sporty but could also be clumsy. I've always got a bruise or a cut and often don't even know how I got them.
And now my brother's young son is exhibiting prominent signs of autism. So may well be in the family.

 

[TaylorG]

My Dad died some years ago, so no way to know but I think it's possible. He was very much a loner, worked for himself and had problems working with others. He was rigid about routine and was irrationally angry if anyone upset that routine. Our household was also highly disfunctional, but I'm certain my Mum has NPD so no surprise there! As a child I found him scary. He never related to me or any other children. He was also awkward in social situations and unforgiving if someone did something he didn't agree with.
He cut off two of his brothers completely for that reason.
As I got older I began to realise I was like him in lots of ways.
Like Lady Penelope both he and I were quite sporty but could also be clumsy. I've always got a bruise or a cut and often don't even know how I got them.
And now my brother's young son is exhibiting prominent signs of autism. So may well be in the family.

Hmmm...both my parents were athletes and well coordinated, as was I for a little while. I was well coordinated while in sports but outside of that I'm always bumping into people or things. My mom definitely has SOMETHING...idk if it's histrionic personality disorder or what, but with both my parents every incident is exaggerated and a huge deal, always my fault, I'm the different one. Mainly the political climate has made these issues worse but in general, my parents are certainly a unique set. Driven each other crazy with their issues, idk how they're still married. Only because of my and now here I am.....puzzled about life for quite some time now.

 

[onlything]

I was always told that I'm 'just like my father' and not in a good way. My father was always the 'weird', 'stubborn' one. Looking at it now, I see so many autistic traits. He's never been diagnosed but it's too fitting to be a coincidence. I can understand him a lot better now and our relationship improved thanks to that.

Mother... No. She has had depressia and severe PTSD due to her childhood(which tendencies for I seemingly inherited) but she's definitely an NT. We never could understand each other.

Let's just say that a potentially ASD man and a severely depressed NT woman is not a good mix.

Why do I think that my father is ASD? He's a routine keeper and a control freak. Needs to have everything planned to the t, everything prepared for every possibility. He's highly intelligent after many mathematical studies. Lacks or tends to have problems with expression of emotions. Never says things like 'I love you' but will do a lot for you without asking. Needs a lot of time alone where you can't talk to him. Has a strong interest in movies, programming, hiking and running and spends all of his time on these activities many times ignoring any social interaction. Tends to be clumsy. Seems not to hear what people say to him or steers conversations towards himself.

And many others.

 

[isthisreallife]

My mother is undiagnosed, but she definitely is on the spectrum. She has weird intonation when she speaks, and she stims like crazy, hasn't been able to hold down a job for 27 years, and could care less about her appearance, amongst other things.